Thursday, May 3, 2012

Days Of Yore, Days Of 'Morrow

How wistful I am, how wistful I've been! I've been doing a lot of thinking on the days of yore and the days of 'morrow. Not the most pleasant thing...

What a monumental deadend are the days of yore once you start thinking about them! Oh, damn, but I can't quit. My mind is working overtime on the stinking days of yore!

My age has something to do with it. I'll be 60 my next birthday, and I'm already getting the senior discount everywhere I go. I look in the mirror and see, frankly, the unkind ravages of time. The me of the days of yore, appearance-wise are gone, alas. Every old picture of me shows signs of being vintage. Not just the elements of me but the cars, haircuts, and faded colors. I have a knack of picking 1974 pictures out of a lineup based on subtle color distinctions.

Anyway, here I am, my memories stretching back as far as the eye can see. I've been thinking about it when I should be sleeping, what I could've done differently, etc. I've already concluded that I was little more than a child till more or less 30. Young and foolish. With a whole bunch of crazy moments that make me wince, then get sick. 'Nough said!

Then, stretched out the other direction, with likely a shorter stretch ahead of me personally, are the days of 'morrow. Were I to live another 30 years, doubtful, I'd be close to 90 on the next birthday. That's tough to picture. Not that 30 years doesn't go fast enough; it speeds by. But the idea that I'm going to actually make it that long -- I suppose if others can do it, it's conceivable.

I have a dentist appointment later this week. There's decay in this one area where I might need a post drilled into it. Of course I'm reluctant to do anything drastic. Then I think, what if I really do last through the days of 'morrow? That tooth might come in handy.

My abilities aren't all that terrible now. At 59, you've still basically got it. But I notice a little more fatigue, a little more sagging, mental slowing down, all the time. The days of 'morrow, face it, aren't going to be much better.

As for the days of yore, I have things going on. I've been trying to contact a couple friends from the days of 'yore. I still haven't gotten hold of any, even though I know they're alive. I actually have a call in to one woman (a friend only) I knew 30+ years ago. I hope she calls back, but I keep picturing it as awkward. And she hasn't called so far. The other is a guy I was best friends with, but we lost contact. Then I ran into a sister-in-law of his who took my email and was going to write me with contact info. She hasn't. Must have forgotten.

With both these folks -- we all worked together -- I had many interesting experiences in the days of yore. But it's been so long now! The days of 'morrow don't hold much hope for a renewed friendship, but who knows? You don't know till you try. Then if it all fizzles out, at least I won't have to spend the days of 'morrow wondering if I should call "now."

Wistfulness is for the wistful, which means me. Those damned days of yore! And those damned days of 'morrow!

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