Sunday, March 15, 2009

This Is Where I Fail

Keep me in your thoughts. Think something positive about me, please. Aim your good wishes my direction. I can see it building.

Everything is exactly in place as I said it was. I have made a vast technological stride as far as my yard is concerned. The mechanism is stewing. It's only a matter of time. But I can't hit the "fire" button yet, not until I've reconciled certain personal matters, aspects of my personality.

This is where I fail. If all holds exactly as it has in the past, I've come to this moment only to see it all fizzle out. I don't consider myself a failure. In fact, I'm the one guy I feel can get the job done. I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it. But as great as my success gene is, as many successful vibes as it emits and radiates, I tend to come to a moment of truth like this ... knowing ... that we can go one of two ways, and the one way is likely to be failure.

It's like "The Honeymooners" come to life, if you will. Or any show that's premised on the idea that the main character is the dreamer whose dreams are bound to come to nothing. I think "The Life of Riley" had that same premise. You hate to watch them because you know they're going to dream it up big only to have it come crashing down. Alice has the role of naysaying on the ascent, and encouraging on the descent.

Maybe you've been where I am. I hope I'm not simply shouting into empty space. Maybe you can identify with a person who senses certain success just before inevitable failure. That's a very torn perspective. It's a tragic flaw.

I know what success looks like. In this case it looks like a spray of water 185 feet high every hour or so. But I know what failure looks like, too. In this case it looks like dribbling water, an exploding mechanism, or the half acre on fire. The headlines will either proclaim my victory or my demise.

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