Monday, May 18, 2009

Coming To Terms With My Hiatus

Finally, after what can only be described as a very tumultuous, gut-wrenching, agonizing, and unenjoyable time, I feel like I am finally coming to terms with being on hiatus. It's been tough.

I know that sounds weird to just about everyone. Why would anyone feel themselves so drastically at odds over having time off? You might say, You want time off, take it. Or you might wonder, He's taking time off? Big deal. Why is this something we should concern ourselves with?

Those are all good points, I will admit. I do share the power of normal reasoning and can see that people take time off in life all the time, like a vacation, a couple of sick days, a morning and afternoon break, maternity leave, not to mention various expulsions, time out in the corner, and even prolonged imprisonment.

Little Johnny taking time out in the corner and Big Johnny taking time out in the penitentiary are two sides of the same coin. You're hoping that Little Johnny learns his lessons early and doesn't grow up to be Big Johnny. And you're hoping that Big Johnny will be set straight, steered right, get his ducks in order, learn to fly right, and eventually get out and save the taxpayers a lot of wasted money.

I'm not adverse to taking time off. I agree. You want a break, take one. If you work yourself to an early grave, someone else will be doing your work then, thus proving you weren't irreplaceable. Life went on without you before you were born, chances are it won't come to a screeching halt just because you worked yourself to death and were buried at 35.

But there's a whole different dynamic at play here in the world of ideas, teachings, the wisdom that is shared in my blog, and formerly in the newsletters and real life meetings. I've been putting forth things at a higher plane, let's say, things that you can't get anywhere else. I feel responsible for that, as though I'm like the Mama Bird and the rest of you are the hatchlings. If I simply kick you out of the next, where will you feed? See?

Were I to make my hiatus permanent retirement, that would be something major. As it is it's still a hiatus, designed to be temporary. And I'm hoping that's the way it will stay, and that I will be back in the full swing of things sooner rather than later. But just so you know, I'm pulling away a little bit at least, and am feeling better about it. I'm not so nervous, antsy, or as strung out as I was. I am definitely coming to terms with my hiatus and the idea of being on it.

Again, I'm hoping to be back one of these days, and at least to get the blog going again in full force. I'm not sure about the newsletter. And I'm very pessimistic about restarting real life meetings -- in fact those will not be happening again. A certain act of perversion attempted against my person left a mental scar that time has thus far been unable to heal. (For this we have Garrett Al to thank.)

Perhaps I shall be back. I feel like I should. But not at this time.

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