Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Seriously Invested In My Hiatus

I think I've got a killer title today, huh? Huh? I'm "seriously invested" in my hiatus. Any old portfolio in a storm. When you've made an investment, you sit and wait for it to pay off. And this one has come up with three cherries every time.

I'm not much of an investor. But I've been known to buy a few scratch tickets. All without a payoff, of course, but the hope was there and that's also a reward. I've invested in myself too. Again, without much of a payoff, but occasionally I'm happy enough with life to get out of bed. If you know me, you know sometimes I just stare at the wall, but, hey, doesn't everyone?

Speaking of staring, one day I was sitting on the -- I was taking a -- I was in a particular place not doing very much, but whatever I was doing, it was a very personal thing. I was there, anyway, and some towels were hanging on the rack by the tub. And I was just looking at them for no particular reason. My eyes started going funky, crossed, and I thought I could see various shapes in the terrycloth. Like we do with clouds.

So, whether staring at the clouds, staring at the wall, or staring at towels, it's all the stuff that makes life so interesting. And that's worth all the investment we are willing to make.

But I wanted to say, the big thought I had that day, was that I could go around to country fairs and renaissance fairs, and tell fortunes based on staring at towels. Because I think I could. It's just as valid as staring into a crystal ball, obviously not as cliche. I've never heard of anyone else doing it, you can say that much for it.

I haven't really tested out the theory. Now that I'm seriously invested in my hiatus, maybe I could use some of the free time to practice a few fortunes. What might I see? I don't know. But I'm sure it could potentially be very spooky. When I was just drifting my eyes together, I was seeing actual people's faces, the outlines anyway, and filling in the blanks with my imagination. I could see some very frightening characters. Now that I look back on it, maybe all that was a premonition of some of the enemies of my blog who have been dead set against me taking a hiatus.

But it's all a blur, really. One of the weird things -- like I said, I've done this with towels, and I've also seen it in curtains, anything really -- is that you can see what you see. But then if you look away and look back it's hard to conjure it up again. I did that as a kid too, except most of that was with dust motes floating in the sunlight. I hated to lose track of the least little mote because I'd never be able to find it again. So somewhere out there, probably settled in a dark corner, are lots of dust motes that I've lost track of.

I could probably tell fortunes by looking at dust motes. I probably could. That would be wild. There'd be a story, "Local Man Reads Future In Dust Motes." Cool article. I think I just have a natural knack for telling fortunes. But to be absolutely honest I've never actually told anyone's fortune. If it didn't come true, I'd be very consternated.

The thing to do when telling fortunes is to keep it fairly non specific and indistinct and if you see anything too specific, just look away, and say, "The motes have gone silent." Or "The towel refuses to speak further." Then in your exhaustion, wipe your brow with it. Look, most dust motes are very silent anyway, so everyone would believe you. And there are very few people who believe that towels speak at all, so you're on solid ground there too.

"Seriously Invested In My Hiatus." What a killer title. That's a great one.

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