Today, with all the free time I have, I plan to celebrate, to whoop it up big with a celebration of my hiatus. With the end of another month (June) and the beginning of another month (July), it seems a fitting time to get excited.
All through June [Cheers] I insisted on maintaining my hiatus, despite some temptations [Boos] to terminate it early. But thankfully, as month after month drags by, the temptations have become lessened and my resolve has been steeled and reinforced. [Cheers].
(From here on I will leave out the cheers, boos, and other expressions of my favor or disfavor. But you may imagine them along the way. Anything that is pro-hiatus will be something to cheer. Any enemy of the site, attitude, or factor opposing my hiatus will be something to boo. But for the most part, I'm going to keep it positive, not allowing those sad voices of the past drown out the joy I feel over what really could be called The Hiatus of Hiatuses. [Cheers].)
I like that ... The Hiatus of Hiatuses. But it's such a great descriptor and such a great title, maybe I ought to save it for a more auspicious day, like July 4 or Christmas. No, I'll step out today. This will be the auspicious day to celebrate my hiatus as The Hiatus of Hiatuses.
Look, who's got a better one? No one that I've seen. I think it's official by now, that my blog has the most consecutive posts on the author's hiatus. And certainly, by far, the most thoughtful, heartfelt, and varied. For I not only took a hiatus -- anyone can do that -- but I put my heart on the line for it, I've worn it on my sleeve, and now I'm staking a claim. I heard there's another site that's done the same thing. But I heard that all their posts are robot-generated. Such worthless things as "Day 36 of My Hiatus," with a robot-generated paragraph of gibberish following. I would put my heartfelt thoughts up against an ignorant robot any day! [Cheers].
So how did I get this far? That's a great question. When I started the hiatus, back in April I think it was, I had it projected out as essentially a 15-day thing, two weeks tops. Someday if I ever get back to work, I'll find the original file and set it forth as a part of the archives that the general public can access. I saw it one day and was thinking, My Lord, I had no idea. I was a little naive. Because little did I know, I would shoot past two weeks and leave my original plans well in the dust.
I don't entirely know how I did it, to be honest, except Grandma always gave me during my upbringing an attitude of sticktoittiveness. (My spell check says that's not a word. Isn't it a zigziglarism?, which my spell check also says isn't a word. But hey, I can't be bogged down by the spellchecker. The spellchecker is the equivalent of a robot, an automated device just like the guy uses on the other hiatus site, and, who knows, maybe he's up to "Day 37 of My Hiatus" by now! [Guffaws]. Yeah, when you've got a robot, it's no problem; you program it, it spits out your gibberish, and you're lounging on a beach somewhere.)
My time is up. I post to one of those egg timers, and when the sands run out, that's it.
Just let me sneak this in. Celebrate with me. Wherever you are, lift a glass or coffee cup to my achievement, and stay with me to celebrate -- who knows how many more days -- The One And Only Hiatus Of Hiatuses.
[Cheers drowning me out, then trailing off, as a lone figure pulls a mantle over his face and leaves the crowded hall, looking back on the lights of the building, then ahead to the rippling sea. Hat tip to Sinclair Lewis.]