I've been working on "ego" issues. Maybe I mentioned this before; I don't remember.
I let these personality things slide sometimes, then there's a flash of insight and next thing you know I'm back to it. These times usually coincide with me happening to see professional men dressed in white coats. The fact that they're not coming for me is always good, of course, but the fact that I'm thinking of it is enough of a wake-up call to get busy.
Thinking about my ego, usually it's deflated, but sometimes it's quite inflated. Even though I'm getting on in years, it still seems possible that a major producer will discover me and I'll be the next big rock star. Like Fabian. I just sit there, very coy like, but the producer never comes. And I'd hate to have to start out small and work my way up, like standing on the corner singing for dimes, then being the entertainment at a nursing home, then county fair competitions, then producing and marketing my own single record, then ... probably nothing. By this time I'm a worn out has been, with people pointing at me in grocery stores, going, "Isn't that the old guy who used to sing at the fair?"
It's always been one of my biggest fears "to be known for one thing." I hate that whole scene. Such as if you cause a stink at the courthouse in a dispute over your taxes, and let's say you pay your entire tax bill in pennies, and it makes the paper. From that point on, whether you live or die, you're the guy who caused a stink at the courthouse in a dispute over your taxes and who paid in pennies. That's nothing to be known for! And I knew a guy who was known for that. It's a long story, but he ended up in prison, because there was more to the story than that.
You can be known for fairly benign things, like, let's say you were an entertainer at nursing homes. Then any reference to you picks on that one thing. "Well-known nursing home entertainer, Oney 'I've Got a Frog in My Throat' Anderson, died today of a heart attack. His frog croaked too." Or to get out of the realm of penny protests and show business, you might have been a crossing guard for the school system. And that's the one thing you're known for.
I really think it's almost better to be known for nothing than for one thing!
Still, and this is my personal ego talking, how cool it'd be if the Daily News would run a story about me, with the glorious headline in 60 point type: "Local Man Writes Own Blog." Except then, someday 50 years from now when I die, it'd be "Local Man Who Wrote Own Blog Dies; Grandmother Mourns."
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