Skunk Security For Break-Ins

The Big City

Part 23 of 28

It’s official! According to Skunk Security, I’m averaging a higher than average break-in rate at my place in The Big City. Which is a mixed blessing when you think about it. One, I'd rather not have any break-ins, but, Two, At least I’m getting my money’s worth … and more.

But it's kind of weird because some of the other houses in the neighborhood don't get this kind of traffic and most of them don’t even have a security system. You'd think they’d be hit harder, but I can't complain, I'm getting great service with Skunk; they’re always here within the hour, and the police generally show up at some point.

I was at a movie the first time and it was a big shock to get the message that my alarm had gone off. Just what I feared! As soon as you put a security sign in your yard it’s the same as saying you have something worth stealing. Most of the neighbors don’t spring for a security system and they’re doing all right. About the worst thing I heard of was a few grudge break-ins, people who know the neighbors and have something against them. There’s a family up the street whose daughter was dating the guy who shot up the liquor store a few months ago. He’s been in the area and shot up their mailbox.

But back to me: You don’t forget the first time you’re broken into, no matter if they took something or not. The first time they got an old VCR and a video camera I had since the ‘80s.The second break-in I was actually at home but in the basement. The security system didn’t go off since I was home. I went upstairs and didn’t see anyone. I flagged down a neighbor and he helped me search the house. I hoped the perp was already gone, but there he was, like vermin, in my closet! He got up, creeping toward the living room, not wanting to make a big deal about it. Then he made a dive through the window and ran up the road. I gave chase but couldn’t keep up.

Some of the other break-ins were probably by friends of his, even though you'd think he would've told them I ain't got crap worth stealing. A lot of sentimental stuff, Grandma’s picture, some things from Grandpa, a Univac computer from the ‘50s that’s not good for anything but I'm still hoping to power it up if I can find the right nuclear power plugs. Then, more sentimental and irreplaceable, I have Grandpa's toupee, which still has the original masking tape on the underside. Otherwise it's in terrible shape. My dog was shaking it one day, but as long as there’s even one hair left, the damned thing stays! And thank God the cops came back with it, dangling it on a stick like they were afraid to touch it. The bullet holes bore mute testimony of their confusion.

And, I can’t even remember the other break-ins. The alarm took care of them, I vacated the premises, with the worst part being I came this close to tripping over a white ‘possum scurrying up the neighbor’s drive-way! About scared me to death, truly. I’d like to sic it on the thieves; they’d never come back. Trade in my Skunk for a Possum, that’d show ‘em.

The $700 Gun Case

November 2011:

MR. ANDERSON -- How would you like a $700 gun safe for Christmas, dear?

MRS. ANDERSON [sarcastically] -- Yeah, heh heh, that'd be great.


November 2016, Eyewitness Action News 9:

JOVIAL MALE NEWSCASTER -- Mrs. Anderson of the city has a real story to tell!

FEMALE CO-ANCHOR -- That's right, she doesn't own a gun but has repeatedly been the victim of gun thieves.

MALE -- Eyewitness Action's Piper Klinebeck has the story:

PIPER -- Mrs. Anderson wouldn't know a Mannlicher-Carcano rifle from a Yamaha tuba, but that hasn't stopped gun thieves from targeting her home. In the last five years, she's been the victim of 10 break-ins, and every time the criminals were looking for guns in her gun safe. But all of them left empty-handed, because Mrs. Anderson has no guns. Why does she have a gun safe?

MRS. ANDERSON ON TAPE -- A few years ago, my husband asked me if I wanted a $700 gun safe, actually the furthest thing from my mind. I thought he was kidding. And when I said yes, I chuckled, and figured he knew I was kidding. Then when I saw a package 6 foot tall under the tree, I started having my doubts.

PIPER -- Her husband indeed gave her the gun safe, and by then what could she say? So there it's been, in her home for the last five years. Somehow then word got out that the Andersons had the safe, with everyone assuming that anyone who had a safe like that would also have some valuable guns. And obviously the wrong kind of people heard it as well. Mrs. Anderson says she was surprised to have so many troubles over the years.

MRS. ANDERSON ON TAPE -- I was surprised when the troubles started, the first break-in. No one was home, we weren't expecting it, and when we got back, there it was, standing wide open, completely pulled out from the wall and scratched.

PIPER -- That was the first break-in, but it was destined not to be the last. Since then, thieves have repeatedly visited the Anderson home, breaking into the safe and continuing to scratch it up, in some cases causing some considerable damage.

MRS. ANDERSON ON TAPE -- This huge scratch, my husband said they must have whacked it with a tire iron trying to get it open.

FEMALE ANCHOR -- Piper, you say Mrs. Anderson never kept guns in it?

PIPER -- That's right. Her husband got it for her more or less as a joke. Then when she got it, it took up so much room she needed to use it for something. Actually, what she keeps in it is her collection of vintage Bohemian Santa Clauses, all reproductions, not valuable at all, with only sentimental value. The safe has done its part in a good way, but with the break-ins, a few of the Santas of course have been broken. Piper Klinebeck, reporting for Eyewitness Action 9 News.

FEMALE ANCHOR -- It looks like the lesson for the Andersons is, "Live and learn."

PIPER -- True enough. But there is one sad side note to the story to share. Two years ago, Mr. Anderson was home and tried to prevent the thieves, who unfortunately bludgeoned him to death with one of their tire irons, also again scratching the safe. So it's not all good...

MALE ANCHOR -- That is a sad note to end on. Another lesson would have to be, "Next time, pick more practical gifts."