Perfect Strangers

 

Virus

Part 3 of 30

So far we're early in the virus coverage and I don’t know anyone personally that’s succumbed to it. I don’t even know anyone who’s had it, at least that I've heard. But the fear is always that someone you know will show up, coughing, hacking, and complaining of it. Or you yourself.

I’m like everyone, just trying to avoid it as best I can. But I see the statistics on TV like everyone and know that most of those people were also responsible people. They weren’t doing stupid things, the equivalent of running into traffic without looking. They listened to the advice of how to watch out for it. They were probably avoiding as best they could people who might breathe on them and all the rest.

I don’t even remember all the rules. I just figure if I get in a situation and it raises red flags, either this, I’m too late, or if I make tracks and might still be free and clear. To the extent that common sense will make a difference, I have some. But mistakes are hard to avoid. With many thousands infected, with the numbers going up everyday regardless of precautions. I’m technically not any better than anyone else, although I have massive paranoia generally speaking. I’m banking on some of that helping me. Anything that takes 5 minutes could be done in 3 minutes which could probably also be done in 1 minute. Time is of the essence. When your paranoid red flashers are going off, listen to them.

But they’re even having trouble in Congress! Suddenly it’s going to be hard to get a quorum, if that’s an actual thing. I’d guess it’s like everything else, the rules always stretch pretty far if it’s a terrible danger. But if even Congress is in danger, what hope is there for the rest of us? The carts at the grocery store, infected. The door’s are automatic, so that ought to be OK. You have to touch the debit card machine, and I haven’t seen anyone wiping it down. The old gold hoarders and cash guys were right after all. But cash might not be that safe, unless someone’s cleaning it. Just thinking of it’s scaring me.

So far, though, so good. I feel fine, cough cough. Nothing seems to be running completely amok, just a little throat-clearing. There’s a few dead birds on the porch, but are we susceptible to avian flu? And … other problems … up the yin-yang.

I Choose Safety 100%

Part 1 of 30

There's Death In Them Thar Drawers

Friends, you know me: I’ve been here for years, laboring away through blood, sweat, and tears, and a good deal of anguish putting across my important teachings. I'm very happy to share and I'm glad you’ve come to trust me. I cherish that trust. And I know you, most of you by name. For years we’ve “shot the shit” over my blog, your great ideas for it, and of course you've honored me with many harrowing testimonies about how I’ve helped you, especially when times were tough. Keep putting the cream on it, the infection will go away, but it may take years.

And now as I think back and remember your real world problems, and how it was always something I’ve said that affected you deeply, leading to new understandings and a path forward, I'm glad we're still together. Recall, in turn -- because I’m a nice guy -- how I’ve claimed that you’ve also helped me, which in certain respects was true. Some of your stories, the things you’ve tried and failed at, have strengthened my natural paranoia and easily triggered in me a wise caution. And for that I’ll forever owe you a debt of gratitude, which I know I will never repay.

Among the precious memories I always have dealing with you are your hair-raising tales of sexual conquest and disappointment. For a guy nearly bald, my remaining hair always stands on end when I hear those stories! For those of you who live and love a little too close to the edge, too close for comfort, you’ve helped me double down on my natural proclivities toward scared abstinence. Every woman I see and also every man, the few who are actually good enough to “do,” I still judge not good enough to risk it. And I’ve maintained disciplined abstinence so long now that I don’t know any other way!

In this series of posts I hope to relate the lessons I’ve taken from that paranoia, which are actually comforting to me with the strong exception times when I’m wired on coffee. It’s then that I most often question my choices and motives, but after peeing maybe 25 times I’m as good as new and ready to face the day. Thanks to you, no matter how many times I behold appealing and possible paramours walk by here in the Big City -- and for some reason they’re always walking in the street and never the sidewalk -- I face absolutely no temptation. My choice of 100% safety has done me a lot of good. And by now, that choice, so strongly reinforced, is technically not even a choice but a way of life.

That will be my point of view this month in these presentations. For denying myself has done me a tremendous amount of good -- it's its own reward -- and I know, with the common fits and starts that accompany any generally disapproved path, which abstinence certainly is, it can do you good, too. I invite you to repeat my mantra if you’re serious, this most precious wisdom: “There’s death in them thar drawers.” And picture me watching these oh-so appealing people walking back and forth in the road! Yes, they look great, but, dammit, there’s death in them thar drawers! And even if they go home and change their drawers as many times as they want -- a thousand times! -- I’m no one’s judge but it’ll never be good enough for me.