Hezekiah and Stub

*About the graphic

I've never liked personality tests. Take me as I am. Or get to know me as we go along. But no, Hezekiahs aren't allowed to relax. You're at school and fill one out and they call you to the office and accuse you of being a Stub. Never a good feeling. Fortunately, in my case, I knew they were wrong. I'd never a Stub!

But I'm lazy, so I'd game the system. Because I'm so much a Hezekiah I don't think I have to prove it. So I'd look at the test pattern and note what they were looking for. You see the first and sixth and twelfth question are essentially the same, repeating the pattern till the end. I'd do all those at once, giving the same answer. Then I'd go back and do the same with the others. Sounds like a Stub, I know. And indeed, you tend to come out looking like a Stub. When in fact I've been a Hezekiah all along! Apparently a subversive Hezekiah...

They always think Hezekiahs should act strictly like Hezekiahs, which, ironically, would be Stub behavior. A true Hezekiah is going to veer into Stub territory now and then, and hurry back out. Because it's give and take. Strictness isn't key to the true Hezekiah. But the big problem was that those who make the tests are Stubs, and naturally they interpret the results in a Stubbish way.

Just in case you weren't around for Hezekiah and Stub, which we used to have in school, they're two dogs. Hezekiah likes to hunt, Stub to guard. But things happen to keep it amusing, like Stub might chase a squirrel off the property, unaware there's a burglar, too, who trips over Hezekiah sleeping, meaning Hezekiah saves the day!

There's so many of these old stories, it's probably only natural that they'd come up with offshoots, like personality tests. I often think of Hezekiah and Stub, and put my own spin on life through them. Like this: The theoretical pure Hezekiah has no resistance in life, going along with the flow, surviving. The theoretical pure Stub has complete resistance, is in control, and so dies. Of course there is no pure Hezekiah or Stub after those terms, at the extremes. It's all a matter of tendencies on a scale.

To me, the names themselves speak to how they're termed. Hezekiah is a lazy sounding hound, occasionally lifting an ear to note the passing of a train or send a fly on its way. Stub is a super-efficient sounding dog, lean and muscular, sleeping, perhaps, but fully alert to everything. And that's the way they looked. Hezekiah can be roused from his equanimity, but it takes a truly necessary reason. Stub is efficient, therefore more alert and controlled by events. Hezekiah tends to be self-reliant, flexible, and nice (or indifferent.) Stub is hard and can be mean, being the opposite in terms of flexibility. On and on.

Of course, the Hezekian philosophy of life is the one that sounds best to me, if I could live up to it. Good old Hezekiah has an innate knowledge that All is One; he is not in competition, opposing life, but seems himself integrally one with what is. Hezekiah might think, "Yes, if I reach up to steal food, I might get my paw caught in the band-saw, but I might not." (Frankly, I'm more cautious than that.) Stub knows all the angles and is never content with might/might not. That sounds the wisest for survival, and as I said I also can be quite cautious, because angles can change unexpectedly, meaning security can quickly become a false security. But Hezekiah also knows you're going to get it in the end, whatever cautions you take.

Our whole perspective on life and mortality are at issue here, as I was just getting at. And you know how it generally is with actual dogs, apart from being babied by modern owners taking them to the vet to put them down. They seem very stoic, crawling to isolation somewhere and simply dying. In the Hezekiah and Stub stories, though, Hezekiah has a looser grip on his personal existence. He seems more prepared to die ... "Just let me get through this one last meal, thank you kindly." Then he goes on to a ripe old age. I believe that's me.

But Stub is rigidly opposed to his own demise, while being unsympathetic to others. I've always seen a contradiction in that: Is Stub already dead in some sense, clinging to life as he is with a bad attitude? It's only a matter of time before Stub dies, standing up, and rots away. Then his skeleton will be found in place, appearing still to be on guard! Would serve him right.

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* The "Hezekiah" and "Stub" characters -- ©1925, renewed 1943, Institute for Dog-People Research -- are now public domain. Stub was originally gray but re-imagined as brown in the 1940s, when the Nazis' dog mascot "Fuery" also appeared to be gray. We say "appeared to be gray" because his only appearances were in black and white illustrations, meaning he could very well have also been brown. 

Hezekiah and Stub were very familiar friends to schoolchildren since their first appearance in the 1920s until they were phased out for use in public education in 1966. In the 1930s they were credited with the great accomplishment of ending the Great Depression. But by 1966, with the rise of secular humanism, situational ethics, the godless one world government, and color TV, they were gone.

Which Are You, Queasledee or Queasledum?

How about you? Ever get a terrible feeling of malaise coming on -- a vague sort of inner discord, seemingly from no where -- that if left to itself becomes funk, then progressively escalates into a big enough depression that you're in the hospital?

Honestly, no, this has never happened to me. I've had the malaise and the funk, of course. But somehow -- maybe just lucky -- I've avoided the depths of it that some people experience. I'd like to think I have at least a small degree of knowledge, something within, that puts me on the upward path.

I guess it's always a positive to "know yourself," whether it's what color your parachute is, what your rainbow color is, which animal you are, which Beatle, which Stooge, which pizza topping, etc. By the way, I think a good one would be "Which movie streaming service are you?" If you're Hulu Plus, you're more tolerant of suffering than Netflix, because of Hulu's many commercials. If Amazon, you're more prone to temptation, because of all the movies you can't watch without paying more.

When it comes to malaise/depression -- Queasiness -- you might ask yourself, "Am I Queasledee or Queasledum?" I'm presenting the two, Dee on the left and Dum on the right. Just looking at them and thinking intuitively, I like Dee's colors more. Dum's bright yellow shirt gives me the feeling of malaise simply dragging on. Whereas Dee's rich blue is much more integral to me, giving the stimulation I'd need to get over it. On the other hand, Dum's shoes are red, recalling something earthy, like clay, something grounded. But, again, there's yellow, Dee's shoes, a nasty color for shoes, unless they're just tennis shoes for fun. So what would that make me right now, going only by that, 90% Queasledee and 10% Queasledum.

Notice, the heads are the same. These two could be mirror images of each other, both seated on a terribly burdened stool. It's not somewhere I'd like to sit, not for long, not with my obvious weight truly bearing down. This tells us something important, though, that the things we depend on in challenging times can actually be quite small in relation to our much larger problem. How many people I've heard of who've gotten better, transcending the enormity of their problems, not by knowing whether they were Queasledee or Queasledum, but by taking whatever small pill their doctors prescribed. That might be the true answer.

Be that as it may, we sometimes find malaise returning, and I personally don't want to bother my doctor too many times. For that, I've added the four "Dorkheads" under Dee and Dum. This gives the whole scheme added variables that come in handy for complicating things. Simply having Dee and Dum there as binary opposites -- or perhaps as close, though not identical types -- doesn't get us very far. But adding the Dorkheads, each Dorkhead can go with each of the main bodies. One, two, three, or four, see?

Here's how I see it. You come to the determination, say, that your malaise is best described by Queasledee. Now, which of the Dorkheads would you use, if any, to supplement your findings? I've had quite a number of down times when I wouldn't have added any Dorkheads. I would've said, "I'm Queasledum right down the line," or Queasledee. Then other times, I'm definitely not satisfied till a Dorkhead is added. I'm a big fan of the one looking most downward with a strong kick from one of the upward looking ones. That tells me an important lesson, that it's up to me to choose, and the rest of it's likely irrelevant.

Whatever you do with this tool, of course that's up to you. I offer no guarantees, and this is for entertainment purposes only. I'm just putting the information out there, like they do on commercials. "Professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt this," as the driver drives along like any of us would do. If you're happy, stay happy. If you're upset, take your business elsewhere.

If you turn out to be Queasledee, or if you turn out to be Queasledum, with or without Dorkheads, may all your searching find you the ultimate happiness. When you get over it, then, may you be the happiest person you can be, Cheerfuldee or Cheerfuldum.