Brady The Coroner

Here's an idea for a sitcom I sent to Hollywood, "Brady the Coroner," the life of a coroner who'd rather be doing anything but coronering.

The background is this: His grandfather was a coroner as was his father. So he felt somewhat pressured to go into coronering, he was coronered. But his true love, what he's got his heart completely fixed on, his one passion, is anything but that. He works out the conflict by living every variation of the secret life he can think of, selling antiques, being a clown at kids' parties, taking on odd jobs, etc.

The show itself has conflict, in that every time they need a coroner, our hero, Dick Brady, is hard to find, which is reflected in the theme song, sung to the tune of "Brighten the Corner Where You Are":

Brady the Coroner, where are you?
Brady the Coroner, where are you?
They found another body out on Highway 42.
Brady the Coroner, where are you?*

We cut back and forth from the scene of death to whatever Brady is doing instead. People on the scene, the police, the judge the police are in touch with, everyone, are at their wits end. They're calling him, messaging him, but he ignores them.

Finally, though, responsibility rises up in him and he takes the call, gets out there, does the coroner's job that has so terribly encroached on his life and joy, and then disappears again in the excitement when his part is done.

Brady also has a love interest, so sometimes he's over at her place.

I hope Hollywood likes the idea. I sent it to "Any Big Producer, General Delivery, Hollywood, CA." So I'm expecting to hear back from them any day.

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*Song lyrics Copyright 2012 dbkundalini, reprinted by permission

Walnettos

Grandma Slump fondly remembers Gladys Frump on Laugh-In in the '60s (1960s), with the dirty old man's lascivious offer, "How about a Walnetto?"

The show was very racy, as she remembers it, but Miss Frump redeemed it, keeping her virtue intact and pointing the way to chaste morality for a generation of girls who otherwise might not have had such a good influence. Gladys once said, "Some nights I put out all the lights and play Robert Goulet records till I could just scream!" That showed great restraint on her part.

As far as the Walnetto, it was a great candy. But it seemed like it wasn't too long, '70s sometime, that it was suddenly gone. It came in a little pack, as we're recalling, that had maybe 10 or so, each wrapped in a wax-looking paper. With a great walnut taste. (Memory is a funny thing.)

Then, without warning, at some point, maybe the late '80s, the Walnetto was back. But not for very long, and this may depend on where you lived and what kind of distribution there was. If I find out it's been around all this time, that means I've been cheated all these years by poor distribution!

Now, bringing us up to date, I happened to be an "old-tyme candy store" the other day, and there was the Walnetto again! Slightly bigger than remembered, and each in a wrapper like the one in the picture. The taste was essentially the same, but they seemed nuttier, pieces of nut. Very good. The price was 15 cents each. Ummmm, good.

Heaven

I used to be a pretty big fan of All My Children. Since I was just writing about Grandma Slump probably being in Heaven, it made me think of Heaven on All My Children.

I've actually quit watching it, except because it's on at lunch time, and someone else is watching it, I usually catch the first five to 15 minutes. Currently, Dixie is back, not alive this time, as she died in the poisoned pancake episode some months ago in that who thing with the crazed whoever, I'm pretty sure it was from Zach's deranged father, Alexander Cambius, Sr. But Dixie is back in spirit. Adam Chandler was the first to see her, because she's haunting him, trying to get him to tell Tad about his missing daughter Kate, of whose whereabouts Adam knows. (She's right in Pine Valley, since it's a very small world.)

So here is Dixie, haunting Adam. And your first thought is that he's got mental problems, which is what everyone is assuming. But Dixie is popping up at places unrelated to Adam, such as at Jake's bedside in the hospital. And other places, I don't know. She is dead. Yet she has come from the afterlife, presumably Heaven, to help out with the information about Kate. (Why she doesn't simply appear to Tad and tell him herself, that I don't know either.)

And every Christmas, there is an old priest, Father Clarence, who also apparently comes from Heaven, because he only shows up at Christmas (although there was an exception to that a couple months ago) and he always has a miracle or two for some character(s) needing one. The folks of Heaven have access to the real life setting of Pine Valley, which of course is fictional.

Speaking of people coming from Heaven, a number of years ago, Jesse, who in the story was dead for the last twenty years, appeared from Heaven as an angelic figure, to help out in some situation. He was portrayed as really being there and really being Jesse. But now, with the passing of time, and in need of a storyline, Jesse is back as a living, breathing character. The story now is that he stayed away twenty years because he was under threat of death, and his family as well. But he came back, and as far as I know there was no mention or explanation of his being a Heavenly Being at some point in the last 10 years.

The other Heavenly appearance I can recall was when Jenny was seen in Heaven, the dead daughter of Opal. So in this world we're talking about, folks are in Heaven (1) and on Earth (2). Just like Grandma Slump is purported to be able to do.

But was there anyone from Hell? Yes, Ray Gardner, Tad's father was portrayed as having come from somewhere not exactly Heavenly. But that may have been a mental thing on Tad's part and not meant as a reality in the context of the show.

Grandma Slump lives! And breathes! Or maybe not!