Kick Yourself For Being A Chump

I've got a huge stack of newspapers setting here by my chair. I'm a bit backed up. I'm trying to catch up on my reading. Either that or I need to cancel my subscription. Some of the issues are getting fairly old and stale, but still, money's money. I've got them, I need to read them, even if it takes me forever!

Anyway, a copy of The Nashua Reporter, Nashua, Iowa, from Feb. 13, 1908, has worked itself to the top of the stack. Of course I'm thinking, 1908? I've got to read faster! But still when my eye caught an article on the vaudeville show coming up at Lampson's Opera House, I took my time and read it over carefully.

This is definitely a show I need to catch -- or, more accurately, a show I would've liked to have caught had I been born in time and it was happening when I had free time. It's a good thing it's not this week or next week because I'm really busy and might've had to miss it. The best thing I can say at this point is, It's been over with for over 100 years, so there's no reason worrying about it. Still ... I am sorry I missed it.

And I should be sorry, since, according to this little article, I missed a treat, and "those who fail to avail themselves of the opportunity to see and hear" this show will "kick themselves for being a chump after the company has gone." OK, the opportunity and the company is now entirely gone -- dead and gone -- leaving me to kick myself for being a chump. Except, obviously I didn't have the opportunity in the first place, so there was no way I could've availed myself of it. Still, a swift donkey kick backwards, hitting my tush, lets me know that not being born in time is no excuse.

The rest of the article (not pictured) tells us that Mrs. I. Delight Dillenbeck (seriously, that's the name given) was among the advance guard of road attractions, and she was the newspaper's authority in saying that Fitzgerald's fashionable Vaudeville Company "is the best, cleanest and most refined attraction of its kind before the public today."

Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald are in charge of the company, and they are artists, as is every member of the company. Then you can see from the excerpt that "Fitz" has some character and dance specialties: 1) "Huntress," the female impersonator in his spherical work; 2) "Zaneta," the contortionist; and, 3) The human frog. That's the way I read it. But it could be that "Fitz" does other characters and dance specialties, then there's other members of the company who are the Huntress, Zaneta, and human frog characters. And it's also possible that Zaneta the contortionist is also the human frog, whether being played by "Fitz" or another person.

Whatever way you want to sort that out, it sounds like a heck of a show, and -- swift kick, I'm such a chump -- I'm sorry I missed it. (If I see any other clues as to "Fitz" and the other performers' identities, I will post them.)

The last paragraph tells us that Mrs. Dillenbeck, while part of the advance guard of road attractions, doesn't actually represent the Fitzgerald team, so that's quite a testimony on her part, "Giving unto Caesar what is Caesar's."

So there it is, they were coming up at the opera house on Monday night -- the week of Feb. 17. And any one number of their bill being worth the entire price of admission, that means the human frog, just to name one item, would've been as good as free.

UPDATE: I've studied this issue now for a while and I believe I can conclusively say that "Fitz" was not Huntress the female impersonator. There's enough references to Huntress out there, not connected with the Fitzgerald name, that he was clearly a separate performer. I suppose I should've immediately known that because Fitz wouldn't likely also be the contortionist, etc. So it's "Fitz" in his characters and dances, then Huntress, then Zaneta, who would be the contortionist and the human frog.

Living Out Your Inner Vernon Hoff

There's not much more to say about the literal Vernon Hoff, female impersonator. What can I say?

As much as we would wish for biographical details, etc., it seems they are not to be had. And anyway, what is a biography, except just a collection of ultimately unsatisfactory details? Every time you read a massive biography, what's the one thing you think of when you get to the last page? So what.

But I know I wish I had more details about Vernon Hoff's life. But looking at it in terms of a biograph, I already know I'm no worse off if I don't have them. If I had them, I'd diligently study them, collect them, put them in order, and archive them. And it'd be a biography. Then what? I'd sit back, look at it, and say, So what.

And what good does it do us to archive things? We're just looking for more things to archive, sometimes just for the sake of archiving it, and it all falls short of real life.

The key to real life is to live it now. And the key to really living it now is to have some inner impetus, an inner drive, hat longs to come forth, and does come forth. Whether you call it your inner Vernon Hoff, your inner Elvis Presley, your inner piranha, your inner gypsy, your inner whatever, it's the real you -- or the you that is real at any particular moment -- that makes life what it is, an experience.

Today I'm thinking of my potential inner Vernon Hoff. Which is nothing extensive, because it's not even Vernon, it's me. Everything I know about Vernon Hoff's biography is in these few little snippets. Big deal. But I know that what resonates in me with them in even a surface way is the key thing.

Every flashy thing you do, every glimpsing of whim and verve, every fanciful thought and flash of the joy of living -- whether it's conventional or unconventional, authorized or unauthorized, boundary pushing or not, transgressive or not -- can come forth.

When you hear of those who are transgressive, in the sense of crossing boundaries, usually you think of those who are flagrant about it, flamboyant. But it's surely just as satisfying, in some sense, to be quiet, sedate, modest, prim, proper, and withdrawn. One size doesn't fit all.

Sit in front of your mirror and look at your sweater. That's fun too, an experience.

Perhaps My Very Last Vernon Hoff Post

 

This is perhaps my very last post on Vernon Hoff, female impersonator. It's sad that my blog is one of the internet's premier websites for information on Vernon Hoff, the other being Google Books' archives of Billboard magazines, where I got my information.

It would be a lot better, in my opinion, if there was a whole vast library of items about him. Because I'm fascinated about the whole scene, what it must have been like for him to be a female impersonator. I'm looking at his little picture, the only one I know of, even though he advertised four 8" x 10" photographs, and you'd have to assume that meant four different ones, and he reminds me of Lucille Ball with darker hair. I don't know if that's a veil, a shroud, or exactly what it is going up behind him. But it looks very sheer, and no doubt was beautiful.

Anyway, how interesting that is, and how interesting Vernon Hoff probably was. Although, who knows, the touring, the staying in Dayton for eight weeks, then going somewhere else with his suitcases and outfits, might have been tough. I was just reading today about Elvis on his endless tours before he was super famous. The guys driving, the whole crew, including Elvis were dead tired, and even checking into the hospital. That's life on the road. It's not all glamor.

Just imagining Vernon Hoff's experiences, though, there'd be a whole other side to it, the sexual side of it, and perhaps that was a little seamy.

I notice he mentions in this one ad that he is "straight." I assume, given the whole context, of course, that that would be a constant question, at least something people would be wondering about. As far as possibly getting beat up, etc., by twisted patrons, I'm guessing he probably escaped most of that, because I'm guessing he wasn't dressed like a woman all the time, just the times when he went out on stage and did his act. Away from the stage, he could probably pass basically unnoticed.

Speaking of Elvis, it's hard to believe, but he got in his share of fights on these little two-bit tours. The thing there was the jealousy of teenage boys because girls were so crazy for him. I used to read some of the magazines my mom had about Elvis in the '50s, and they'd mention a few times about some fight he was in. But you get the impression -- I do -- that later his entourage was vigilant enough that it'd be rare for someone to throw a punch at him. I'm not picturing much of an entourage for Vernon Hoff. Just a guy carrying a couple of suitcases. Or at the best, a wife or girlfriend or some other friend, like a small time manager helping him out.

I'm intrigued by this ad, that Vernon is "The Answer to Gorgeous George!" I've heard of Gorgeous George but don't know much about him. Just looking over at Wikipedia, I knew he was a wrestler, but it says there he was "flamboyant and charismatic," and known as a "glamour boy," being "gorgeous."

Vernon as the "answer" to George, no doubt meant as a guy also glamorous and gorgeous who just happened to make a very beautiful woman. So you'd have George as a man who was the ideal man, in this little theory, and Vernon as a man who was the ideal woman. In appearance.

Also look at the place where Vernon was playing, where he was getting his mail that week, at the "Blue Turban" in Long Beach, California. That definitely sounds like an exotic place!

Well, friends, in the absence of more concrete information on Vernon Hoff, female impersonator, I guess I might have to pack it up. I'd love to go on and on about him, but what more can I surmise or say?

I'm going to put a few key words here, just for the sake of the search function. Not that I'm trying to lure traffic here, really, but because the more people who would happen to be interested and see this post, the more likely it is that someone with actual information about Vernon Hoff (or items like photographs, etc.) would come forward. Please let me know if you see anything. Words: cross-dressing, crossdressing, transvestite, transvestism, any others come to mind? We already have female impersonators, female impersonation, so I guess that about covers it.

Vernon Hoff -- Natural Beauty and Daring. Our best tribute.

My Second Vernon Hoff Post

 

I'm going to write this very slowly and thoughtfully today. Usually I'm rushing along because I want to get done and get on to something else. But I think Vernon Hoff deserves some thoughtfulness. It's such a beautiful subject. And I want to allow my mind to explore the subject, as much as is possible.

I do already feel what I always feel, that I'm not fully equal to the task at hand. That a task as great as this deserves and demands more than I can accomplish is always my big fear. But there's no one else around who wants to do it, which to me is very sad. What I would love to have is a ready made site to go to to learn more about Vernon. But there's not one that I can find. So you at least are very fortunate, that I (however tentatively and imperfectly) have taken the task upon myself.

I really can't believe I'm the only one who's interested or concerned with Vernon Hoff. If it turns out that I am the only one, that will be very sad indeed. But I definitely am interested in him. And I hope there are others.

If only there were more to learn. I am disappointed that I can't find more out there. What would it take for me to be satisfied? That I don't know. Something more than nothing, for sure. I'd like to have one of the 8" x  10" pictures, for example. Maybe a few articles about his show. Maybe some biographical details. If he's alive, where he is. If he's dead, where he's buried. All that sort of thing.

It would seem that Vernon didn't have a permanent address or a family to go home to. His address in the several Billboard ads are always the towns he happens to be in at the moment. So he might've been in New York, Ohio, Texas, California, or somewhere else. And that's where he got his mail.

There are several Vernon Hoffs, presently and in the past, but which one may be this one, I don't know.

He sounds fascinating though, in that he "possesses the grace and action that makes his act so popular!"

 

He sounds youthful enough. In 1947 he was advertising himself as "Dayton's favorite boy strip tease dancer." So when might he have been born? 1927, thereabouts? Could he be calling himself a "boy strip tease dancer" at 30? Somewhere around 20-25 seems like it'd be understandable.

He was in Dayton for eight weeks at the Ring Cafe. Eight weeks at one cafe. It seems to me something about him would have to pop up in Dayton once in a while, like an 8" x 10" picture at an antique store. Or some old Dayton debauch in a nursing home, an ex-debauch there, would have some old stories to tell about how far Vernon got stripped down before he left the rest to their imagination. The answers are out there, folks, but our chances are passing quickly.

Think of how good you'd have to be to last eight weeks at the same cafe! But someone who can present a "Symphony in curves, sex appear personified!" and be a "Frisque singer," has obviously got what it takes, not only to pack them in but be memorable ... even at this late date.

So I'm hoping against hope that someone out there will know something more about Vernon Hoff, and will come out of the very comfortable woodwork to fill me in, me who wasn't even born at the time of Vernon's hottest moves.

Look at this cute ad. Vernon's act must've had some choice humorous bits as well as the sexy stuff. He did an original parody, "Chiquita Banana, the fruit song, show stopper." It says that's a quote from a critic. That would've been great. I think it would've been really cool to see. Or hear about now.

If anyone knows anything definite about Vernon Hoff, female impersonator, please contact me through this blog. I don't want to put an ad in Billboard, but if I have to ... I might have to!

Vernon Hoff -- Female Impersonator

Whatever happened to Vernon Hoff, female impersonator?

 

  

  

  

  

(These graphics are from the Billboard magazine, various issues found on Google search, 1947-49.)

Vernon Hoff doesn't sound like a made-up stage name. He could've called himself something sexy like Tawny Hide, but instead he was Vernon Hoff. So we're looking for an actual Vernon Hoff who matches the basic age there. Not that I would really bother Vernon, were he still to be alive. Because I wouldn't.

The first ad I discovered on this list of graphics was the "WANT FEMALE IMPERSONATOR" ad for the Ring Cafe, which is from Billboard, 9-27-47, p. 42. I was thinking, Why do ads have to go out of date? I could print the page, take it to the Ring Cafe (assuming it might've existed this long), and say, "What's this all about? What kind of act are you looking for?"

Grandma's got some reasonably good clothes I could probably fit in. And she definitely has some things from the '40s, among her newer stuff. It's all a matter of whether I want to go as a scrub woman or a grange matron. But I can swing both ways.

A lot of Grandma's old clothes have grass stains from picking dandelion greens over the years. And of course the grandkids getting sick, urping after being fed. Anyway, I get there, and because I can't get the stains out of the clothes, I incorporate them into the act, which is of a hard working middle-aged gal, '30s-'40s vintage, recalling no one in particular, going about her daily routine of drudgery. It's sexy, in an esoteric, working class, 'we're all living in a two room house and still having five kids' kind of way. It worked for Grandpa!

The guy at the Ring Cafe says that was an ad printed by the grandfather of the former owner in 1947 and that they're not looking for anyone in that line of entertainment at this present time. But he offers to take my information and promises he'll get back to me if they are ever looking for someone.

Yeah, right! "We'll get back to you..." I've heard that before! But I need to eat today!