Tae Kwon Do

Tae kwon do, a deer, a female deer.
Tae kwon re, a drop of golden sun.
Tae kwon mi, a name I call myself.
Tae kwon fa, a long long way to run.
Tae kwon so, a needle pulling thread
Tae kwon la, a note to follow so.
Tae kwon ti, a drink with jam and bread.
That will bring us back to tae kwon do.

America: Golden Age To The Rescue

One of my favorite patriotic songs is the old chestnut, virtually a standard by now, "America The Beautiful." I love it so much I'm actually standing as I write this.

It's the one that tells of "spacious skies," "amber waves of grain," "purple mountain majesties," and "the fruited plain." It gives me a real urge to go outside more, and I would if it weren't for mosquitoes.

You might remember all the verses, including this great one:

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

Over the years, I've been repulsed as I've heard critics tear into that verse. "Oh!" said they, wringing their hands as they hyperventilated in an overly literal and earnest stew, "That can't be right! That's blind idealism! Because we all know that our cities are not undimmed by human tears!" They would make the case that the cities were a cesspool of suffering, with nothing to recommend them. Then they'd spell it out: Crime, murder, strangulation, pickpockets, muggings, and sweatshops. With lots of human tears.

So, assuming there was some truth to that, the song told of something that was false. And so it went. Until now ... when, with the coming of THE GOLDEN AGE we can at long last now gladly announce, The song is true! There are no more human tears! It is the Golden Age!

Something happened, something apparently happened at a very deep level, to suddenly change the heart of man from evil to good. It's been prophesied, that's for sure, so there must have always been the potentiality for perfection in us. I believe there was! But the fact that it happened just like that, and mankind as a whole turned on a dime, in an instant, is the amazing part. And yet we know it's true.

Criminals gave up crime. Murderers gave up murder. The rich were happy to share with the poor. The poor took the rich under their wing and taught them at long last how life works. In this vast switch, of course the Republican party had to go under. So one day the earth cracked open and sucked only them down, bringing stability and happiness even to the political process. All countries willingly gave up their weapons. Even now, they're still working out the logistics for distributing all the plowshares. It's a great problem to have. Everyone's smiling!

I've been very happy with the switch. No more do I have to see "Ghost Hunter" shows on TV. With the removal of evil from the world, all bullshit became extinct. And besides that blessing, it's great to know that everyone in the world has all he or she needs for the best life possible. There's always someone to share, as the bounty overflows.

Tears are no more, pain, suffering, it's all in the past! Creative minds are busy editing old movies and books to take out all conflict, since we're already starting to forget what it was like. Everyone in the movies and books will be happy the whole time. No one will be portrayed doing anything to another character that is negative even in the slightest. Finally, I can go back to the movies, since I hate anything but perfect happiness. I still remember conflict. It always gave me a headache.

Rejoice, America, that your song is finally true. "Thine alabaster cities gleam." There's no more shadow, it's all bleached white, great and beautiful!

Why You'll Never See Me In Black

Probably all of you remember Johnny Cash being "The Man In Black." He wore black, he talked about his clothes, he wrote a book called that, and he had a hit song of the same name.

Now that he's gone, you don't hear much about it anymore. Which is why I want to reopen the subject for a new generation. Because now, thanks to the world's progress, there's no more reason to wear black. And if Johnny Cash were here today and able to look around at our progress, I'm sure he would agree, and purchase some lighter threads.

Remember his song, "Man In Black," in which he explained why he wore black? He sang:

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

Right off the bat we see where he's going. Back then there were folks who were called poor and beaten down, folks who were hopeless and hungry. So to address that, Johnny Cash wore black. Of course there was nothing about his clothing that told the story itself. He needed to spell it out for us, then whenever we'd see him in black, we'd know what was going on.

But hallelujah! There's no more need for black, now that everyone has enough for his daily needs, now that folks are no longer beaten down, and now that no one is hopeless or hungry. And the prisons are empty. Most of them have been torn down, there being no more need for them. If I felt like wearing black today, I'd have to come up with a whole new set of reasons, because with progress we've eliminated the old ones. That's great news!

I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Again, hallelujah! There's no one, except maybe newborn babies, who hasn't read or listened to the words of the Lord. All of us in this more enlightened time, thanks to the strides of progress of the last 30 years, have easy access and eager minds to imbibe the wisdom of Christ, as he speaks still about the road to happiness through love and charity. We've not only had the teachings, we've lived out their spirit. So ... no more need for black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.

There's no more sick, there's no more old who are lonely. There's no more reckless ones taking bad trips. There's no more need to mourn the lives that could have been, because they're all living to a ripe old age, thank you very much, and enjoying their lives immensely. I'm thinking the last piece of the stanza had to do with guys who were fighting and dying in Vietnam. Of course that's long since over with, and because the world has found a way to live in peace, everything now is great. Black is definitely out!

Johnny Cash was, I hate to say it, the definition of pessimism. Read this depressing verse:

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

First, he thinks "there's things that never will be right," saying he knows that! Unfortunately he isn't with us today to eat his words! He didn't imagine the golden age that has opened up to us, where every evil has been dealt with and everything good, right, and proper is the order of the day. And yet, look at the last piece, he at least had the optimism to imagine that we might "start to make a move to make a few things right..." What?! "Start to make a move..." and "to make a few things right." It's not as optimistic as it sounded on first hearing, but only then -- only then -- would we, might we hope to see him wear a suit of white!

The big finale drives home his pessimism and his despair at having to always wear black:

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

He'd "love" to wear a rainbow everyday, he'd "love" to tell the world everything's OK, but, alas, he couldn't. If only he'd lived, he would have seen that day come, that day of rainbows, happiness, fulfillment, and righteousness. Instead, as he shuffled off the stage, he sounded a Suffering Servant/Christ-with-His-cross tone, "I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back..."

You know what, that's a far out thought! Maybe after Johnny Cash's death, his atonement amounted to something in glory. Maybe that's how we got the switch, how everything started coming up roses. Johnny Cash's clothes saved the day. In glory, his having been clad in black ... saved the world! Stranger things have happened!

So, up there somewhere, today, Johnny Cash has to know the world's Golden Age is here. Injustice, heartache, and all forms of evil have been dealt with. Mankind is in harmony with his brother once and for all! And that's why you'll never see me in black!

So Tall A Tree, So Small A Man

I'm seeing this farmer dude looking at this tree like he's thinking of cutting it down. And I'm like, "No, that's not happening!"

And that's it. End of story. I won't give in. I won't let it happen. "Thus far and no farther," I say, "I will protect this tree, because trees are our future, and you're not cutting down our future!"

I'm sorry, that's the way I am. I simply lashed out because I saw it happening. I was the guy there on the scene. If it wasn't for me (no one else was there, just me and him), he would've cut it down. But I gave him something to think about.

Really, I can be very vociferous if I believe in something strong enough. Vociferous? Is that the right word? I think so, vocal in a furious way. And I really was. I laid it all on the line.

He looked at me and started spouting some bullshit about it being his land, his property, even his tree, and he would cut it down if he damn well pleased. "Anyway," he wondered, "What are you doing on my land? This timber is posted!" By now he was in a full blown rant, ranting at me, that he would call the sheriff, etc.

I was like, "I don't give a rat's ass who you call, but you are not cutting down this tree! I don't care if I have to take on the whole f------- U.S. Army, that tree is not coming down!" And that's when he started backing up, even though he had an axe in his hand. One, he wasn't going to use an axe on me. That'd be prison for him. And two, he didn't know what I was capable of. As far as he knew, I might charge him and use the axe on him. Believe me, I was tempted...

He looked at me and relaxed the axe, thinking that might defuse the situation. So why was I on his land? That's weird, I don't really know. I thought I was just going for a walk, but maybe it was where I was supposed to be. I wanted to take a picture of some trees, then I see this guy getting ready to cut down the tree. He had a cloth to wash his hands with afterwards and everything! So I jumped in!

Then everything kind of calmed down. He looked at me, I looked at him, and both of us knew something had to give. But I wasn't going to budge. He came over, offering me the hand of friendship. Then we got down to brass tacks, what my motive was in saving the tree.

I explained, "You might think you're a big man. But, no offense, you're a shrimp just like me. This tree is a lot taller." I went on, reminding him of a famous song from the '40s, recorded by Bing Crosby, "So Tall A Tree," which has the great lyric, "So tall a tree, so small a man," reminding us that the tree is big and we're so little.There's some comparisons with man and trees in the song, and man comes out, so to speak, on the short end of the stick.

With that, he gave up the fight. And we both walked away ... with the tree still standing!

This all happened yesterday. Then today I was thinking of it again, and going over the lyrics of the Bing Crosby song. Part of the lyrics say:

A man may grow for all he's worth,
But only tree's are down to earth.
So tall a tree, so small a man.

With that in mind, I wrote some fresh new lyrics to go with the song. See if you like what I've written, and see if you agree. I hope you do. Here they are:

A man might grow to 6 foot 4,
A tree will always go 1 inch more.
So tall a tree, so small a man.

A man might reach the clouds on high,
A tree will wave as it goes by.
So tall a tree, so small a man.

A man will always want for height,
A tree will tower out of sight.
So tall a tree, so small a man.

A man could be a giant bloke,
But to a tree he's just a joke.
So tall a tree, so small a man.

A man might grow up big and tough,
But to a tree it's not enough.
So tall a tree, so small a man.

A man might be all you'd want,
But to a tree he's always a runt.
So tall a tree, so small a man.