The 7 Couples Forum

Part 22 of 30

There's Death In Them Thar Drawers

I put out a casting call for models for this graphic -- and I don't put out very often -- wanting only the happiest couples to apply. And I sort of got the happiest couples, but it’s in this sense, they were the happiest I could find. Next, my goal was to get the honest pictures of them down. And some of them need about a hundred shots and this is the best I got. Some of these almost didn’t make the cut, but I had to have something, with the money I forked out (1), and my deadline looming for the blog.

To make an example of them, I deleted couple 7. In complete fairness, they didn’t look much worse than the others, but I was so upset and had to make an example of someone. For one, the man didn’t like me and I didn’t like him. Also, the woman rolled her eyes once too often, they argued between takes, and they threatened to “walk out that door,” so finally I physically kicked the woman out, and with the good help of Garfunkel from couple 5, we had 7’s man’s arm behind his back, with him crying “Uncle! in a very nasty way. I kicked him unceremoniously out of the room, and I believe he fell down the elevator shaft because the elevator's out for repair.

Note, though, what all I went through and how hard it is to find genuinely happy people. I even kept telling myself, the world’s literally full of halfwits, you’d think they'd be happy, a big stupid grin on their face all the time, oblivious to what people with functioning brains are dealing with, money issues, health issues, avoidance of sex, which is usually followed by another round of money issues.

I remember Garfunkel’s partner melodically ruminated on the faces of people, which is a real coincidence, because the man from No. 3 actually is a spy. He looked at me with a quizzical look on his face, that look of “I think I know you.” I recognized him right away but didn’t show any sign of it. I tried to avoid him as best I could and certainly the wife. One affirmation that we’d met before and it’d blow up in my face. I’ve been chaste a long time, friends, and I’m not going back. Certainly not by the tug of an unclean passing friendship (not even that!), which may have seemed like the top of the world long ago but now it’s only sordid, tawdry. I was happy when he left.

It definitely made me think again of my mantra, and I frankly repeated it a dozen times (mentally and under my breath), “There’s death in them thar drawers...” Yes, he’s aged nicely. And I’m not doing terribly myself. Avoidance, chastity, washing my hands, eating the the dullest, drabbest vegetables I can find, it all helps.

Anyway, I kept a smile on my face most of the time with these dear souls -- mostly lost souls -- knowing I definitely had it over them with my personal progress, and that’s what's important. Everyone else may be hopelessly lost in them thar drawers, but at least I’m safe.

Check Out These Sexy Album Covers

I've been finding some pretty sexy album covers in my discovery of new and old music. This album of rare oldies but goodies has a definite goodie awaiting the discriminating music fan. I see a very nice looking old record, a little bigger than life-sized sharing a hot date with a true music lover. The fade-outs on her back and other more southerly regions are not welcome, but still are not entirely bad. It's one of those cases, like with optical illusions, where the eye fills in the blanks, then ... lingers ...

I'm not sure how famous Flow Tribe is, but I'm a lifelong fan, thanks to this sexy cover. Notice how risque it is: They're pregnant with a baby called Funk. How exactly they got pregnant, they being represented by the winged goddess on the cover, is anyone's guess. Perhaps divine hanky panky, but I like to picture it being done in the good old-fashioned way, with some mysterious guy, probably chunky, they met on tour. Up till then, they were strictly lounge music, with an unsatisfied hunger for flair. Then the guy approaches, and before you knew it, little baby Funk was in utero. Check out his umbilical cord, attached to headphones. Cool.

I've always loved this album cover by Del Shannon and the song "Little Town Flirt." This was a hugely sexy song in the early '60s. "You can get hurt, fooling around with that town flirt," thanks to her being involved "with every guy that goes by." Then there's the artwork. And I know I'm dating myself -- even going steady -- but to me this is what cute girls should still look like, the way they looked when I first noticed them. Yes, the old world ways are still the best! My cousins and I used to look at this album cover, then immediately go prowling the campground at the state park. Which was about the time I also discovered how suspicious and wary fathers could be.

Isn't this a great one? You think, "Yeah, I already have most of the one hit wonders on this album," then you take one look and say, "But I guess I could always use a back-up copy." The way she's sitting, I have to tell you, I remember some of the old teachings, and this wasn't what they taught. But still, sometimes music brings out the animal in you. Then with some satisfaction, you're wistful, daydreaming, and casually setting the record down as you contemplate. Some guy comes by and wonders, Why couldn't it have been a 45?

 

Speaking of 45s, what's those big gold blotches? Some kind of starburst thing, that, frankly, we could live without. Come on, I like to read record labels, being an old record collector from way back. But let's say something about the cover: Give me time, I'm thinking, I'm thinking! Wow! She's cute! One hand gloved, one hand not. I'd like to see her twisting the night away in one of those dance cages on Hullabaloo, at the Au-Go-Go!

Sorry, boys, if this last cover's a total downer for you. But in many ways this is the sexiest of all, because it was Hardrock Gunter, unbeknownst to you, who got your grandparents or great-grandparents going, and if it weren't for him, you might not be here! Honest to God truth!

Hardrock Gunter was doing the wild thing back when doing the wild thing could get you in lots of trouble. They had the vice squad, censuring preachers, beak-nosed teachers, and mom and dad at the door. And yet, there was Hardrock, blasting out that hot country swing, and turning a blind eye when the kids drifted off to ... who knows where?

What about birth control? Except for a bottle of Coke, there wasn't any. Ever wonder why Grandma and Grandpa had five or six kids? Notice the title, "I'll give 'em rhythm." Hardrock meant it two different ways, but, alas, only one way was actually reliable, the music! But a lot of kids took it on faith, and so, here you are today, generations later.

Hardrock Gunter and his rhythm stick, sexy as can be! Pull up a chair at the Hardrock cafe!