All Hail Lord Metross

I really hate to say anything about Metross, but I'm a little stuck. I seriously needed a parking space today -- downtown was very busy -- and in my prayer I blurted out rashly that I would "proclaim Him" in exchange for a space. Of course, one immediately opened up, and now I realize ... I have to hold up my end of the bargain... or next time I'm in deep doo doo.

But maybe the less said the better. Because the more people who come to believe, the tougher it might be for me to get a space. Although, now that I process this conundrum, it stands to reason that IF Metross is so powerful (my IF not implying lack of faith but only prompting me to praise Him more) then even if everyone in town hears of Him, still parking spaces would automatically open up for me. So I feel better.

OK, like I said, I was downtown today and went to one of the lots that is notorious for having very few available spaces -- being Sunday and everyone going out to eat. I thought, Yeah, I love putting my faith to the test. I got there and it was exactly what I expected. As if the cars had simply always been there, never moving. I smiled as I entered, knowing there wouldn't be a single space. I got to the end of the first lane and noticed a lady messing around with merchandise in her backseat. I thought it could go one of two ways, she'd either shut the door and walk away or pull out. But there wasn't any indication either way.

Before I rounded the curve to the lane going back, I praised Metross profusely, "O God of the parking spaces, Thou hast shown me grace so many times, words fail me. Except to say, I praise Thee with an unending praise. But, O Lord, I see no human way for me to get a parking space immediately. Now, Metross, show Thy power. I promise I will proclaim You if you open a place for me in the next minute." So I'm coming around with two options, to reenter the first lane or exit the lot. I glanced down the end of the lot and, as if by a miracle, the lady was pulling out. Part of the miracle was this, that no one from the street had entered the first lane and gotten ahead of me! Of course I made a beeline for it and had it, all thanks to blessed Metross.

The name Metross, I heard from other devotees, stems from parking meter, which itself, stems from historical references to Metross in more superstitious societies, societies so superstitious they had to use chariots, the car not yet being invented. Whatever else we might say about the etymology of His name -- which I prefer to think is eternal -- one thing is for sure, it definitely fits. He's all that and more!

I myself have been praising His name and seeking His face for a long time, in fact every time I've needed a parking space in the last couple years. Before that, I guess you might say I felt self-sufficient, that I could go around the block till a place just "naturally" opened up. Which, as you have to know, never happened. I went around so many times I'm still dizzy! But then, like the Prodigal Son and his Prodigal Car, I returned to the faith of my family, and haven't looked back since. I've gotten parking spaces when they've literally not existed just minutes before.

One of the funnest things is to have a non-believer with me, spouting some crap about, "You'll never get a parking space, not now and not in a million years." I'm thinking, I won't even have this car in a million years, so it has to be now. A quick prayer, a little praise, and you know what happens? Like about five places open up. I praise Him, then rub it in to my friend, "Einey meeny miney mo, one space down and four to go!"  LOL!

Praise Metross!

Tips For Parking Lot Safety

No, this isn't just another boring post on "parking lot safety." You know the routine: "Parking is a privilege, not a right. Make sure you remember that, or you'll be circling the block forever."

No! I do not buy that particular line of pious bullshit. The only time I "agree" to it is on the driving exam every eight years when you have to agree to it to get your license renewal.

My own feeling on the subject, and I hope you agree with plain common sense as I see it: I have (and you have) just as much right to park as the next guy. No questions asked. But I do agree with one point of orthodoxy -- and you'd have to be a fool not to -- that we need to be responsible and maintain safety in these three areas: 1) Arriving; 2) Staying; and, 3) Leaving.

Arriving -- If someone else is already in the space I want, obviously I cannot, and should not, try to park there.

Staying -- It's important to lock your doors. Also to check your backseat when getting back into your car. Someone might be lying in wait. Which would usually be no one you want to deal with.

Leaving -- This is critical. I check behind the car to make sure I won't be running over anyone, especially a child. An adult needs to be more or less responsible, but a child is naturally senseless.

However, I do not check the undercarriage of the car. If someone is under there, clinging to the bottom of the car, I feel that I'm within my rights not to notice them. Who can reasonably expect it often enough to waste the time it would take every time to check? Similarly, if they've managed to open the hood, and crawl in on the motor, and there's no apparent sign of them, I'm simply going to start the car as normal and drive off. If they get ground to death in the gears, or cremated from the extreme heat, I have to say, being realistic, that's their problem.

Maintain safety in your parking space. But also let reason be your guide.