Thursday, June 5, 2008

Kos and McCain's Teeth

The Daily Kos cruelly opined today on John McCain's teeth, saying that they were not all they should be. But I'm looking at the same picture as you, and I'm saying those are fine looking choppers -- at least the upper plate looks great.

The thing about teeth is this: Mine aren't the greatest either. I think I chewed too many licorice sticks, then all the chain smoking, and chewing tobacco, then no flossing, no brushing, no cleaning. I've seriously got plaque a quarter inch deep, in the shallow spots. Like a feather mattress. Like foam rubber. They call me mush mouth. I need the depth finder off my boat to even know my teeth are still there.

But I've got a real good excuse -- bad teeth run in the Slump family. Grandpa Slump spent more time picking his teeth after dinner than it took him to eat. I had a cousin who bit my arm -- they got him off with a baseball bat -- and he didn't leave a mark. Even our dog had bad teeth. We had a sign out front that said, "Please don't hurt the dog."

Grandma's teeth were the exception. Her teeth weren't that bad through the years. But then with old age and everything else going to pot, her gums started bleeding and her teeth eventually crumbled away. She spat out a few, and she even swallowed a couple in her sleep. We checked the outhouse but never saw them again.

Teeth are funny things, really. It's odd. You get that first set, which grow in your mouth at nature's instigation. Then they all fall out. Then nature gives you a couple "permanent" plates. And these you're expected to take care of, as I'm now given to understand.

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