Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Truth You Live By

In my seemingly constant campaign, "Drive for Pride," I've hammered away at the things that make for confidence, self-esteem, and pride.

This is no time for a review, but of course a key part of the whole thing is how you think. The "Drive" has as part of its purpose to bring forth good thoughts. I think I've insisted on it from time to time. Because without that we're forever stuck in a rut. The things we tell ourselves are critical.

I know in my life so many of the things I've told myself have been downright disgusting. Especially in hindsight, but I thought they were disgusting at the time as well. I've been my own worst critic, it seems. But somewhere back there, I put most of it behind me and changed my thoughts. That doesn't mean I'm completely over it, with relapses happening occasionally.

The self-loathing, self-questioning, self-doubts, everything, got to be so great, I'd wake up in the middle of the night in weird dream loops, my pajamas drenched in sweat. My eyes were bugged out. I was sweating bullets. I felt about myself then what I feel about Republicans now. It was a bad scene.

What happened for me, I may as well say it, was that I put a lot of these feelings to the test. What part of me was doing the loathing, the questioning, and having the doubts? If there was a part of me that was separate and had these opinions about what was wrong, why wasn't I living from that place instead of having a separate critical stance.

Of course none of this is literal; it's mental. If there's this part of you up here that knows better, what if you just thought from that point of view all the time, or all the time you could manage it. This has some religious overtones, so for me I also check out some verses from the Bible, chapters, with meditation and some serious psychological orientation coming from those teachings.

See how they can be combined? What is of God, in this way of thinking, is what your highest part is saying anyway, the part that knows better. If you can take the time and work up a little discipline toward consolidating some of this stuff, that's when you can see some progress. It works, as imperfect as things are.

So for the better qualities, the self-esteem, etc., it matters what "truth" you live by. Is your "truth" simply what bogs you down? Or is your "truth" what lifts you up? That's the way to do it!

NOTE: Since this is a serious post today, let me say that I pretty much believe what I wrote above. I can't think of any of it I don't believe. But it's fictional to say I was bogged down in self-loathing, etc. That's the "character" of my blog. There have been times, like probably most people have experienced. But there wasn't a time when it was all one way, then a sudden switch. I actually do do some spiritual discipline things regularly, but not as much as would be good for me.

There actually is a spiritual/psychological side of life that, if tended to, generally will make things go better for the average person. Of whom I am one.

I just happened to be serious tonight. I'll try to get back to my crazy character, if I can manage it.

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