Mam & Pap Get Together

Part 2 of 30

The Mam & Pap

Royal Splendid Traveling Rodeo

I made the point yesterday that the famous Mam & Pap of the rodeo passed on a number of years ago. Mostly because they were born quite a while ago and it’s just in the nature of rodeos that if they’ve still got their actual founders in charge they’re relatively young as an outfit. I’ve had many foolish wishes that life could go on forever — I wish, I wish, I wish — but realistically there’s a terminal point for everyone.

Of course the heroes we have growing up, it's easy to picture them still out there somewhere. Even if they're not over the next hill, they're in our hearts. And we have some comfort in the idea that life goes on, tempered only by the realization that if it does it’s in some dimension that's not exactly what we'd want, but still better than nothing. The giants pass and we deal with it the best we can.

But death doesn’t stand in the way of the greatness of their lives. We have our memories, and if they’re supplemented by some fantasy and complementing embellishment as to their qualities, their stature, and their accomplishments, that’s also a good side of eternal life. I want to touch on these two heroic lives and I’ll try to keep it “down to earth.”

What can you say about Pap without losing your breath? They always said he was a worthless piss-ant that’d never amount to squat. I say that through tears of love. I myself have been called a worthless piss-ant and that’s my cross to bear. But Pap did something about it. His own Pap was a worthless piss-ant who never did one good thing but plant the seed for his son Pap. The son Pap then picked up the opportunities that came his way. He dropped out of school on the first day and set about making his way in the world at the age of 5. He picked up what he needed to know. And sneaked into movies to learn the rest, including the influential film, “Rodeo Roy, The Five-Year Old Piss-Ant That Made Good.”

But it wasn’t immediate for Pap and the rodeo. He also saw the film “Hucklebuck The Farmer.” With Pap’s natural talent to get an idea and accomplish it in the next five minutes, he started with a single row of radishes next to the house and advanced swiftly to become a titan of farming. He once owned the entire state of Kansas, then later parceled it out to homesteaders down on their luck. Mam also came up the hard way, like Moses. But instead of ruling Egypt she became involved with elephants, having removed a painful splinter from an elephant’s trunk. Because elephants never forget … to make a long story short, she was recognized as the ruler of the entire elephant circuit. And anyone that lucky was bound to find Pap. They made their home together.

At that point it wasn’t a hop, skip, or jump for them to say, “Hey, let’s do something! Let's trade it all in on our own rodeo!” And so it was, followed by people coming by train, plane, automobile, or rickshaw, and even sometimes horseback, making their way en masse to Mam & Pap’s rodeo, like refugees seeking their own homeland in a strange world suddenly compassionate toward immigrants. Mam and Pap gave succor to all, and that’s a standard they personally guaranteed in their great run with the rodeo!

(Without getting into the thicket of issues, we do not endorse the corporate version of the show today.)

Why The Cow Goes Moo

The cow didn't always say moo. And there's no reason to suppose it did, even if the way it worked out would seem to indicate the way it started. We tend to think nothing makes progress in time. So when God created the cow it came down a shute and the first thing it said was moo.

No, no. And once again, dear friends -- don't be skeptical -- I have traversed the corridors of whatever, most of the time swimming upstream, to reference the Akashic Records. It's not that hard to do, however it is very frustrating because the other quacks who came before me got them very messed up and out of order.

But if you're looking for particular files, things that the average clairvoyant doesn't care very much about, such as on the evolving vocabulary of cattle, they're not too messed up. Most people of course are more interested in the words and travels of Jesus, how Buddha came to be fat and skinny at the same time, and why George Washington cut down the cherry tree. They've pretty much left questions on the various animal vocabularies, and the more subtle things of animal dialects, alone.

Speaking of myself, I'm interested in all these things. One, because I really respect cattle for coming up with something so simple and catchy, and not that far off the mark, as should be clear to anyone, from the Primal/Original Mind sound of OM. It's just flipped around, hinting first at dyslexia, or more purposefully at humor, or perhaps it's merely the same exact thing, only as seen from a consciousness apparently different in typical expression from our own. I frankly don't see a downside to saying MOO, being convinced that it doesn't make a bit of difference.

Anyway, getting back to the Akashic Records. Here's what I have to say about the Records. They're better than nothing. If it weren't for the Records, I'd simply have to make this up, about the cow. And if I did that, perhaps folks wouldn't see in it the same authority. Which isn't to say the original Akashic author didn't simply make it up, but since He and She is a lot more mysterious, we're willing to buy it.

So, please, if you're in that camp, just let me just transcribe the damned thing and be done with it. Here's some of the other vocabulary the platonic perfect cow and its immediate descendants toyed with:

Pistoloops, mamasita, hotsprings, ruff-ruff, lipschitz, palmolive, google, repubpuke, [multiple retching noises based on repubpuke], quaffone, skipbo, passgo, obladi-oblada, poopshute, sadchidananda, chuckbook, checksum, kindlebook, goku, kubball, oompaloompa, cockadoodledo, smorgabord, frootloops, sexawowsa, and vavavoom.

How it was narrowed down to moo is an amazing story in itself. They saw a baby cow walking through the pasture who kept saying MOO. They started making fun of it, then they made fun of it so much, continually, that it finally stuck. It's the old line about "First, they laugh at you..." come to life!