Showing posts with label picnic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label picnic. Show all posts

Friday, June 13, 2014

Moss and Mae Just Miss Buck Buckskin


I'm hoping to ride this idea to fame, riches, and glory -- the lives of Mae Healy and Moss Stipple.

I've already heard from a friend of mine, saying leave it alone. There's "big interests" out there, his words, who've cornered the market on great ideas, and apparently they'll do their damndest to keep small fry like me from horning in. I, however, refuse to give in to such threats. I feel I have as much a right to express myself as anyone.

OK, I'm leaving all my fears of the syndicate (paranoia) behind and I'm simply going for it. Not another word about it.

Mae Healy appeals to women readers, Moss Stipple to men. I've heard from enough of you to know where your allegiances lie. So I will address both characters, their development thus far, and some of the story lines I've already thought of.

Ladies first. Mae Healy. Mae is a dear old soul who wouldn't hurt a fly. She was once married to a man now deceased, Mr. Healy. She was his faithful partner through thick and thin. They had the same problems other average folks have. But Mr. Healy, being a competent man, was able to provide, thanks to his job. Mae did the honorable thing as his helpmeet. They had children and were very happy. At some point he died.

Enter Moss Stipple. When Moss turned 70, he sold his grandparents' old half acre and their deteriorating house he'd lived in most of his life. He looked for another place to live, and ended up as Mae's boarder. Though they lived together -- man and woman without marriage -- it was all quite innocent, no hanky panky.

That's the story so far. But they need to have some adventures, to make things more interesting. With most of them being, no doubt, on the tame side. I don't think it'd be plausible to have them suddenly become world travelers, crime fighters, etc. But it would be plausible that they might take a trip to the big city together or to a State Park for a picnic. That's a great idea, so that'll be the first one, a picnic!

One day Mae said she'd seen enough of these four walls. "The walls are closing in on me!" she declared, not usually given to complaining, but this day -- whether it was biorythms or simply bitchiness -- she'd had enough.

Moss sat in his easy chair, startled at Mae's blunt eruption, it being out-of-character for someone generally so docile and well-pleased. He lay his newspaper aside gently and gave Mae his undivided attention. "Is there anything I can do about it?"

"I don't know what it might be," she snapped, "I'm trapped 24/7, confined, like a circus animal dying in its cage."

Moss wanted to dismiss the tirade, but instead considered it silently, thinking it indicative of something going on in the older woman's spirit. He thought back on the cases he'd known over the years, of his own Grandma's occasional outbursts and how Grandpa would handle her. Of course he had scant minutes to come up with something before Mae blew her top.

"We ought to go to the State Park," he ventured. Just the thought of something like that brought a smile to Mae's face. And her old radiance was back. In a flash, then, she was up, preparing a picnic basket.

The State Park was lovely that day, with picture-perfect weather, like the weather we used to have -- not too hot, not too cold, no global warming, no melting icebergs. They drove to the campground area, knowing they could use a picnic table without paying the camping fee. Policies were very lax in those days, before all the current moneygrubbing when it comes to state parks.

Mae was the picture of delighted health, and Moss wasn't too shabby either. Mae wore a nice sheer scarf, Moss his cap. A gentle breeze off the lake refreshed them, and moved the hair at the edges of her scarf. She hadn't looked this great for decades. As for Moss, he was able to tilt his head back with abandon and roar out a laugh of delight.

They shared in conversation, Mae remembering how she and Mr. Healy used to camp here early in their marriage. "We had a tent in those days and it rained cats and dogs. You couldn't touch the canvas or it'd run right through. But you couldn't move without touching it. We were drenched, but got to the car and made it home. Mr. Healy looked like a drowned rat! And I didn't look much better!"

"What about the tent and your things?" Moss asked, laughing at the ancient predicament.

"We came back the next day and got everything! No problem!"

Moss had a story of his own. Involving one of his pet peeves from 30 years before. "I was on the other side of this very lake, fishing. And some guys showed up and ruined it for me, with a boom box, playing it loudly. In those days I had one huge hangup, listening to 'the music of someone else's choosing,' a phrase I used in those days. But these louts kept it going, no matter what. So I packed up my fish and went home."

"Good for you," Mae commiserated, "No one should have to take that.."

The picnic, like all good things, ended, and they went home, retiring at the appropriate hour. Not realizing what they missed had they stayed till night.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

My Picnic With Death


April's always iffy. We've had some really cold days and some really hot ones. So you take what you get, especially if it's nice, and make the most of it.

I was hanging out with my new best friend, Death [links below], on one of the hot days a couple days ago. We were just lounging around, he wasn't in a big toot for official business, it seemed, so why not get out of the house for a picnic? Sounds good, huh? Take the day off, have a good time, and spare the world at least those few minutes of pain.

I like packing up stuff and going out to one of the town's great parks on a day like this. For this picnic we chose the one with the old Air Force jet. Death and I actually went over and sat in it, messing around with the steering wheel. It's still substantially there, the fuselage, etc., although of course kids over the decades have left the control panel and every gauge totally destroyed. But that's life, bad things happen.

I was tending the meat at the grill. I'm sorry, I like it done right. We had a full picnic basket, with beans, potato salad, chips if we wanted some, celery sticks, baby carrots, some small snack cakes for dessert, and a six pack of Pepsi. What a great day, very little wind, and only a few other folks in the park. I worked while Death messed around with a Frisbee, throwing it against a tree.

That wasn't all he was doing. He was sulking a bit. He wanted to do the cooking, but I wasn't trusting the meat to just anyone; I wanted to do it myself. So he messed around with the Frisbee, and wandered off a time or two ... for who knows what. Clear his head probably, and maybe cuss me out. But his official story was: One, he needed to make a call. Two, he forgot something in the car. And three, which I didn't need to hear, he took a piss behind a tree. After a while, with all this excusing himself, I felt like a solo act, but on the bright side the burgers were doing great.

Later, then, we're busy enjoying the picnic, the fruits of my labor, our plates full of great food and all the fixin's. The only thing spoiling it was a bunch of sirens. There was some kind of commotion. "Wonder what's going on?" I asked. Death said, "Great question, sounds like something big." But I didn't know what, and apparently he didn't know. So what else to do, but enjoy the fun, food, and beautiful day.

Next, we saw ambulances going by, coming from the north ... very unusual! I said it had to be something big, because those are ambulances from out of town. Other towns were pitching in, part of the good neighbor policy the county has. There was a steady stream of them, their infernal sirens starting to give me a headache.


Imagine my horror, then, the next morning, when I saw the news: What?! "70 PERISH IN FLAMES AT HOME FOR AGED." The details were terrible! Destruction, panic, a horrific end to so many dear souls. A few of them from The Greatest Generation, no less. And it all went down at the very same time we were having our damned picnic! 

Death was just getting up; he was sleeping on the couch. He came toward the table and saw me reading the paper and turned around. I called him back, "Stop it right there, mister!"

He looked guilty as sin. "What the hell? I thought we were having a great time. The meat, the chips, the Frisbee... And this is what you were up to all along!? Killing 70 old folks while eating my celery and carrots!?" He had a concerned look on his face, but gathering up all the boldness he could muster, blurted out, "I told you I wanted to grill..."

I have to say, that took my breath away for a moment, and I could only shake my head in disgust. But you know me, Mr. Mercy, I can't stay mad at him for long. Especially when you think it over, that's who he is! That's what he does...

CONCLUSION: Yes, the picnic was messed up by Death's terrible behavior, actually killing 70 dear old folks at the home for the aged. But one thing we can still be thankful for. It was April, it was a picnic, and there wasn't an ant in sight.


Dead Links:
Death -- I Now Pronounce You Dead
Out Drinking with Death
Death Goes to the Dentist with Me
Death -- When Your Number's Up
Walt's Suicide -- Death by Water
The Gaping Maw of Death (Woof! Woof!)