Saturday, July 11, 2009

This Clamorous Hiatus

I've got some things on my mind and I need to get them out as fast as possible. So often, perhaps you know how it is, you feel like you have something to say but then you stammer for the right words. Or you feel like you're an empty slate and words are stymied for a whole other reason.

I think of this in terms of a foreigner, who's able to speak his language 100 mph, but what he's saying I don't know. Then he gets to listen to me speak English, again, 100 mph, and he has no idea what I'm saying. The point being we have a lot to say, and the words we use to say it with are there whether we can think of them at the moment or not.

There'll be no unnecessary pausing today in what I have to say, no searching for the right word, no second guessing, no doubtful judgments; my friends, I'm going to spit it out and it shall remain spat!

The simple fact of the matter is that my hiatus is clamoring to cease. I'm feeling all the commotion, all the uncomfortable, persistent rancor that transpires in a head when my inmost thoughts are engaging in conflict with other more public aspects of my consciousness. It's like a battle royale, but more on that later.

It's funny, really, how I have insisted on this hiatus. Right from the start I was insistent and said "I am going on hiatus." That led to the whole tussle, which started out as horseplay but escalated into this battle royale, between myself and my so-called friends and followers. Even my family got in on the act, although I've been strict not to drag my family into the more public laying out of the conflict or situation. But the more they dug at me, picked, and scorned, the more I felt I was justified and right to not only take the hiatus but to rub their faces in it.

Much of the conflict has been well-documented, and it would've made a great book or newspaper article had investigative journalists found themselves at the scene. I have put forth my own side of the struggle, including some insinuations about the various individuals doing the majority of the picking. One, Garrett Al, was mentioned by name several times, much to his chagrin and at great cost, I'm assuming, to his reputation among both female and male acquaintances and possible partners.

Everything came to a clamorous head, then it all trailed off, and I have been left very much alone. No one outside my door, visitors to my blog have departed. Friends and family, even those I knew quite outside the purview of this blog and controversy, have sensed the spirit of estrangement even without knowing the particulars, and have kept to themselves. Even Grandma I've had to coax to the dinner table a time or two, but the promise of apricots and a nicely executed tickle under her chin usually brings her around.

All that said, and now that no one is clamoring for my hiatus to end, my own thoughts, engaged as I said in a battle royale, are clamoring for it. And these I must listen to! I'll repeat that, I must!

A battle royale is what? I could look it up. But I'm thinking it's a battle like Armageddon, it's so royal that it's royale. I don't know what that means exactly, but I'm thinking it means you bring out the good truncheons, for sure. Like the good china at Thanksgiving. The deadliest numchucks, nuclear cannons, the gnarliest battle axes you can muster, gold chains wrapped around your fist, and every spear's point whetted so sharp that it can only been seen under a microscope. And no one gets a tetanus shot before or after.

It's like the difference between wrestling and rasslin.' Wrestling is a battle for points. In rasslin' the point is to battle. In wrestling you take down your opponent, in rasslin' you take him out. In wrestling, you amble away under your own power. With rasslin' the ambulance has the power. And so on. Wrestling is executing quick moves. Rasslin' is executing your victim. In wrestling the ref's polite tap breaks all holds. But with rasslin' the jaws of life fails.

I don't know when it's going to happen, but this clamorous hiatus has to end soon. I'm hoping it'll be sooner rather than later. The day has to be auspicious. I must win this battle royale!

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