Tuesday, June 18, 2013

My Vigor Vivus Health Plan

You know me and my philosophy of life. I live by the principles of Vigor Vivus. Vigor Vivus is a term for the dynamic heart of life itself. It's opposite, which we so easily slip into, to our detriment, is Rigor Mortis, the static principle of death. Here's some of my exciting "teachings" on the subject:

The Dawn of Vigor Vivus
Teens Reject Rigor Mortis
Vigor Vivus -- I Command the World
Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus
Your Basic Problem is Rigor Mortis
Unveiling the March of Vigor Vivus
The Unremitting Shield of Vigor Vivus
Vigor Vivus at the Dentist
Teen Talk: Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus
Rigor Mortis Nix, Vigor Vivus Best Way
Bin Laden Mortis vs. Obama Vivus

I put "teachings" in quotes, because even though I myself believe it completely and live by it, for legal reasons I have to insist that the whole thing is "For Entertainment Purposes Only." But, you know, wink-wink, I recommend that you live by it, too. Although, again, for legal reasons, let me insist that you consult a trusted physician, or any old pay-as-you go quack will do just as well. By merely reading this blog post, you do solemnly swear, or affirm, that you will consult a doctor immediately, before believing a single word.

OK, all the legalese and lawyerly wrangling out of the way, Vigor Vivus is what we live by when we're in the fullness of life, but Rigor Mortis is death itself even in the midst of apparent life. I have known both, intimately. In fact, even for someone as immersed in these principles, it's still easy for me to slip into a Rigor Mortis state of mind. I hate to say it, but I feel like I've just recently come through a rather stormy place.

The inner clouds gathered, the inner sun was dimmed, the inner darkness thickened, inner lightning struck everywhere, and finally an inner tornado came and carried away much of my inner peace. It was only through the inner mobilization of an inner FEMA that I was able to eventually take refuge in an inner tent, then bit by bit rebuild a more permanent inner dwelling. But live and learn. I've reviewed the inner storm chasers' tapes, and vowed I shall never go through that again!

Immediately, I turned back to the principles of Vigor Vivus, once again putting Rigor Mortis to flight. I looked at myself and I didn't like what I saw. I was out of shape, a big problem. I wasn't eating right, I wasn't getting enough exercise, and I had my annual physical coming up in two month. Since I hate hearing my doctor tell me to do the right thing, I decided then and there, It's time! Vigor Vivus, don't fail me now!

This is all true, and, by the way, everything I do in life is strictly cold turkey. I quit eating all junk food, all deserts, ice cream, cake, Rice Krispies bars, wafer cookies, granola bars, potato chips, soda, etc. Instead, I've been eating oranges, bananas, eggs, veggies, peppers, grapes, hamburger, that sort of thing, and I've cut down on bread. No more bacon! All this has been a big help to me. But you know what it actually is? Having my mind on Vigor Vivus. That's how you do things cold turkey. You replace the thought processes of Rigor Mortis -- "I need this, I deserve that," even though it clearly leads to a type of death -- with the thought processes of Vigor Vivus: "I shall live the Vigor Vivus way!" (Remember, consult your local quack.)

Then I launched into an exercise program. I actually just now got back home and I'm sitting here still sweating. I joined a health club, so there I am huffing and puffing on the treadmill, lifting weights, pulling on various bars, laying on odd equipment with places to put your feet while you're doing ab crunches, etc. It's great, not just to see my own amazing physique (I'm down nine pounds), which I can do anytime, but to see the other sweating, grinding, beautiful writhing bodies all around me, some of them being extremely hot. I keep thinking, "Oh, to be 40 years younger! And not so adverse to STDs that I wouldn't touch another human being with a 10-foot pole!"

The exercise is great. And I'm sure you could make a case, however flimsy it might be, that it's chiefly the exercise and the diet that is helping me lose weight and regain my sense of well-being. I will grant you that these things are good, insofar as they go. But what you really need, behind it all, underlying the whole thing, is a philosophy, something you firmly believe, something that guides your thoughts and decisions. For me, that's the dynamic truth of Vigor Vivus!

I could go on, because I do other things that help keep me on track. Like feeding our feathered friends and watching their little antics. Natural activities, walking by the lake, meditation, spirituality. But you get the idea. No matter what it is, its benefits, it's all completely enlivened by fixing your mind on Vigor Vivus ... and letting Rigor Mortis, at long last, simply pass away...

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