Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Scared Away From Sex: Bloodborne Pathogens

I've never been a promiscuous person. Of course I did have one major public fling, with two of the farmers' daughters at the big Grange wingding. That was an episode I like to call, "Put Me Amongst The Girls."

But other than that, probably the less said the better. The less said the less embarrassing to me. Although, hey, I'm not the guy who thought up nature. People have been doing it since biblical times and perhaps before.

I was reading a book the other day by a Freudian psych guy, I can't think of his name, but it was on compulsions. The author said he'd done another major work on masturbation, and that's what he zeroed in on in this book. It's a thick book that has lots of in depth, lengthy case studies, the things that people are compulsive about. Just looking at that last sentence might say a lot: thick, in depth, lengthy.

Remember, though, my strictest rule here at this blog -- as well as all my other public pronouncements -- is that nothing blue is allowed. We'll leave all the risque stuff to Rusty Warren. Speaking of Rusty Warren, would that be a woman who would appeal to you ... you know, in that way? Like when she was in her raunchy prime. She was very much a broad, and the way I remember her records, I don't mean that in a good way. I don't want a raunchy, loud mouth broad who clearly knows more than I do and has been around the block so many times.

Looking at Wikipedia, I see Rusty's still alive and apparently doing well. So she must've believed in safe sex, despite her image all those years ago. Knockers up!

Anyway, what I wanted to get to is something I did today. I took an online study and quiz on bloodborne pathogens. And so I'm sworn off everything! Whatever you can think of ... in the blue realm ... I'm sworn off it. Because of the clear and present danger -- the imminent threat -- of everything that swims through the bodies of others.

Even me, not literally, because I'm as pure and pristine as a new born nun. But, according to the clinical teachings on bloodborne pathogens, you have to assume that everyone is crawling with HIV and HBV (Hepatitis B Virus). Because you don't know. There's not always any indication of it. Because a host can be a carrier without manifesting symptoms or signs. So it's a big scary world out there.

The teaching materials gave a list of the things that are of terrible danger, including the various fluids and secretions that ... take place ... down there somewhere. It's all very dreadful.

So that's it! I'm totally sworn off, scared out of my mind.

I was taking Underbrush (my dog) to the park today, it being a beautiful day. And it being a beautiful day, there were plenty of girls out jogging, walking together, biking by, etc. I dutifully averted my eyes and looked at some garbage cans, felled trees, and the last remaining snow clumps instead. Whatever you got, Sister, I'm not interested! Save it for your doctor!

We have better, safer lives through science. Thank goodness, temptation can never get the best of me now!

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