Knowing Your Destiny
Part 4 of 30
This might not entirely apply to you today, if you’re not old in body, mind, or spirit. I’m definitely getting that way, becoming creakier, unpleasantly stiff, in a lamentable condition, and just plain pooped out. If you're like me or worse, your destiny might be considered in the past tense, meant specifically for you but it’s already happening. If that’s how it is -- judge for yourself -- when you look up the track you might see the rear end of the caboose. I can see it and it's getting smaller all the time. But as long as we're still breathing, there’s always the Home for the Aged.
Speaking for myself, I try to rejuvenate myself by a rigorous discipline of nursing old regrets. Running over them endlessly in my mind. “Everything I did last year and the year before that and the year before that turned out all wrong, and all the years before that… If Destiny is a thing of promise for each of us, for me the best is yet to come.” But then I think, “I am old in body, old in mind, and old in spirit, regardless of what mind games I play to deny the truth. Should I just quit?” I wonder. Then I have to think, “No, let Destiny catch me, it's six of one, half dozen of another, life costs the same if you try or if you give up, may as well press on. And maybe Destiny's working on bigger losers, so I'm safe.”
So I'm forever trying, trying, trying, and even with such challenges I still manage to get out ahead of myself. And suddenly I’ve got it goin’ on again, everything’s hunky dory, it’s all gravy, I have my dessert and meal, to be eaten in any order I choose, etc. Destiny’s good if you know the mind games! What I need now, in fact, is for it to catch back up to me just to offer some challenge, because today at least I'm way ahead, not lagging, not dragging. C’mon, Destiny, try to keep up!
But like all things in life, if there’s a real need for balance it'll happen. Destiny might've had a brain fart and lost sight of me, an oversight. And let's say nothing’s really lost to Destiny. Not you, or you over there, or you in the university library stinking the place up, googling, “Free showers near me.” Destiny wants you to have a shower, along with everyone else along that whole wall or bank of computers. Just keep searching, or perhaps ask the librarian; she looks very tidy, having the inside track on soap and water and the combination thereof.
But back to Destiny. With the idea that you strayed a little farther ahead of it than it expected and now here it comes, catching up. I’m not sure it stops. I have seen it go whizzing by. Like with the train, the engineer gets a head of steam up and he or she doesn’t want to stop. But since this is all symbolic, you can forego the usual cautions about literal trains and jump on as it passes. Then try real hard to keep up, on board wherever Destiny takes you, because psychological splits in Destiny double the pain.