Friday, January 30, 2009

Local Man Not Too Depressed

Two days ago, you will definitely recall, I was writing notes to myself in the future. That was a thrilling post. I was on top of the world. I really could have (could have) written notes to myself in the future all night. But discipline is actually something important with me. And if I have to get to sleep because I have things to do tomorrow, I will give up and go to bed. I heard about Beethoven going without food and staying up all night to do his work. But I'm a poor guy with no musical ability and, anyway, I figure I'll have the same inspiration the next day.

But of course I should know better. Because it's always the same thing. This day is different from yesterday. Or the day before. What inspiration you had then will be shot, evaporated by tomorrow.

As it was for this "local man," yesterday was a comedown day from that awesome high of the night before. I was facing that craggy old thing called depression, for which I do not take medicine. Because, and I know this sounds weird, but I believe you should enjoy depression as much as you can. Of course the enjoying of it isn't enjoyment in the strictest sense or you wouldn't be depressed. So it's an enjoyment that instead carries with it the hint of a halfway understanding. Appreciation in the same way that you'd appreciate a spider crawling on your arm. You appreciate his existence as a spider but you don't appreciate where he's at right now.

Appreciate, yes. But enjoy ... like I might enjoy a strawberry sundae, no. I do enjoy it more when it's gone. Then I can look back and say that was a downer, what a downer.

I'm OK today. Just let me say that. But there's no reason to kick it around or it will put me in another cycle for tomorrow. I've probably already said too much.

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