I'm saying the hiatus could end. Note the emphasis on the word could. I can't say it will end, because I simply don't know.
It may be too late. I let my mind go to pot. I wrecked all the goodwill I built up over the years at this blog, with the newsletters, and the friendships people thought they had with me in the real life visits. I burned too many bridges and now I'm afraid I've made too many enemies.
Yet I can't help thinking that some of you, many of you, maybe, will understand, and maybe come flocking back. Could it just be false confidence on my part to think that you'd give me a second chance, a chance to make it right?
I know I acted like I was being put upon by the responsibilities. That's true. But when you go from nothing to sitting on top of the world, sometimes a guy gets dizzy at the heights. And you know I went from zero to 100 in about 10 seconds. I'm entitled to go crazy once in a while.
So I took a hiatus. I withdrew. I let the world go by. I threatened permanent retirement. I turned my back on you. I made a shambles of things and I didn't care.
I stood in the center of the half acre on a particularly stormy day, with lightning crashing all around, and called on God Himself to strike me dead if I'd done wrong. I challenged Him. The rain is streaming down my face, I'm looking up with pure defiance. Again, lightning is crashing down everywhere.
Maybe you read in the papers what happened, although of course the papers didn't know about my part in this. About six homes in my neighborhood, a couple to the west, a couple to the south, and a couple to the east, were struck by lightning and completely burned down. The fact that I myself wasn't struck I took to be divine approval of my hiatus. And the fact that so many neighbors were now homeless I took as divine disapproval of any who would nay say my hiatus. Not that my neighbors themselves were naysayers, but in this interpretation they're stand-ins for those of you who were naysayers. (By the way, if any of you lost your home in a lightning fire, say, within the last two weeks, please think next time before you criticize.)
Let me hasten to disclaim any liability or responsibility for homes lost in lightning fires. This blog and the opinions expressed herein are for entertainment purposes only. By visiting this blog you agree to these terms. If you disagree with the terms, please leave now, but nonetheless know that when you were visiting the blog you automatically agreed to the terms. The terms being stated and agreed to, good luck with rebuilding, and please know that I am very sorry for whatever loss a relationship with me may have caused.
So, you can tell it's been a tumultuous time because of the hiatus. But I've been oblivious through a lot of it, and really thought I might be happier with permanent retirement. And like I said, my mind has gone to pot. I seriously don't know what I'd write about were I to come back. I could probably write about the strange conundrum of why the lightning didn't damage homes to the north. The north being entirely disagreeable to my nature, to think that just living north of somewhere else would be enough to spare you ... I could analyze that, except my mind has gone to pot.
OK, that's enough for the day. I will hold out hope. But please don't hold me to it. My mind -- whatever may not yet have gone to pot -- is toying with the idea. The more I think about it the more unlikely it seems. Could I come back? Haven't I destroyed all the bonds of trust? That's what's torturing me. Check that -- That's what's "enhancedly interrogating me."
Haven't I made my bed by everything I've said about the hiatus? I would be very shamefaced to come back now. Hi, it's me again. And everyone's booing. But don't they want me back? I don't think they do. But they might.
Good grief, I might come back only to be heckled back into hiatus. Then it would be a permanent retirement on someone else's terms. At least until my enemies were stricken. Or I could change my name and start again somewhere else.