Thursday, April 16, 2009

Think Of Hiatus As My Canteen Time

My mind is overwhelmed with cliches about pressure cookers, the breaking point, crawling through the desert, stress being public enemy number one, and the dark night of the soul. My mind's abuzz with a thousand clamoring voices and I can't turn it off.

It's all craziness but, yes, I know you're out there. I have you to deal with and I have me to deal with. I'll start with me. I am of course a goal-oriented person, very task-oriented. I make a resolution and I want to achieve it. I took on the responsibility of this blog and the newsletter and I take my responsibilities seriously. I want to present ideas and insights so they'll be out there. There is some value in that to me as the person doing the thinking, then setting it forth. And like I said, I have you. I know that you could, possibly, conceivably get some good out of my insights and ideas, and, if you're lucky, achieve some measure of equilibrium from having shared them.

Some of you no doubt are reprobates, set apart for certain destruction whether by a destiny not of your own choosing or, worse, through your own obstinance and unwillingness to yield. If you are in that category, my writings are not for you. You are too far gone or are incapable of changing, of growth, so nothing here will make any difference. Even though I say that, I don't think very many of you are in that category. Rather, I feel it likely that most of you are among those who could step it up, achieve your dreams, and reach for the highest things.

It is for those who are reaching for the highest things that I feel compelled to put forth these deep ideas, ideals, and insights. Believe me, I'm not writing for all the money I make on Google Ads. Those do of course bring in quite a bit of income, and I'm getting very comfortable with all the added luxuries I'm now able to afford, but that's not my main interest. If it were just the money I could stop writing right this second, leave all my posts up just as they are, and simply cash the checks they're generating everyday. Like residuals. Because seekers will be hitting those articles till the end of time. But that's not my thing, material riches.

I feel compelled to keep on here because you've gotten to a certain level -- we have together. And if I leave you hanging, anything could happen. You could go the wrong direction. You might even deny the progress you've made and give up. Then what? I would hear the statistics, that admissions to insane asylums have suddenly spiked, and I would know in my heart of hearts that I had something to do with that. And there you'd be. And here I'd be, imagining you at the asylum window, holding the bars of the window, a forlorn look on your face, howling at the moon, barely able to answer questions at the social interaction and self esteem classes they'd have you in every afternoon. Yes, I know about the free potato chips and those little ice cream cups -- and canteen time, during which you may buy soda pop for the reduced price of 35 cents a can -- but even those amenities surely wouldn't make it entirely worthwhile.

I've met some of you in our real life meetings -- and I know how needy you are, and not just the kind of fleshly needs like Garrett Al had. Which were pathological. In his case he had the weird instinct to procreate but it'd gone entirely wacky. I'm a man! How could Garrett Al expect me to have his baby? It's absurd. Anyway, I know you from the meetings, a few of you. And I know what you've written in about the newsletters and how my writings have touched you. I'm not a people person -- we know that. But that doesn't mean I'm not also touched in return.

Each of us is being prepared for something, some path, some destiny we don't necessarily know. And it's these kinds of insights that help "keep it real." But right now I'm emotionally exhausted -- physically and in every other way -- and I so desperately need a break. I do hope to be back. I do not want to leave you hanging. What I have started I want to see through. Getting it accomplished is everything to me. It's like clearing away the jungle to make a home. Sometimes the more you hack the more hopeless it seems. But if you don't keep hacking the hopelessness is assured. Somehow Tarzan did it, and I believe we can too!

But now, in these moments, friends, I very much need this rest, this hiatus from my responsibilities. Therefore, you will not be seeing me here as much, for a while. Let's not say Goodbye, but let's just say, Hors d'ouevres. And if it's helpful to you, just think of this hiatus as my canteen time. To your way of thinking, as far as you're concerned, I'm just stepping out for soda ... and possibly a candy bar ...

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