Sunday, April 19, 2009

A Hiatus Health Update

No, no, no, I haven't got a life-threatening illness, disease, or syndrome that is the real reason for my hiatus. But if I did have such an illness, that would be great reason for a hiatus, because I would need time to battle my way to full health, enduring a grueling regimen of applying various salves from the Mexican black market. You may say I'm "stuck in the '80s" for saying this, but believe me, there's nothing quite like the horse medicine they've got down there.

I know where the rumor that I have a life-threatening illness started. I mentioned how I get these terrible olfactory hallucinations, which means I smell things that aren't there. Or I'm smelling what's there, it just smells differently than it used to. It's like a dog's hearing with a greater range of frequencies. There's a way to help your dog, by the way, but it's expensive; someone actually markets a collar with a graphic equalizer, so that's progress. But ... getting back to me ...

I also said it's possible that I have a brain tumor, because that's one of the known causes for these smell hallucinations. But now the whole situation is a lot better. I'm not having them as often or as bad. There's a couple possibilities. 1) I don't have a brain tumor; 2) The hallucinations are just something in my nose that's out of whack, like matted cilia. Or it could be that I do have a brain tumor and it's just not that bad a condition. I do have a theory.

My theory on tumors is not as well known as it should be. I looked it up on the internet but can't find anyone else advocating it. Briefly it's this, that there are two kinds of tumors, stationary tumors and free-floaters. The stationary tumor is the worst, because it abides in one place all the time, and all it has to do all day is eat and get fat. But your free-floaters are on a trajectory like a comet, and that motion is good. Only when they're close to your brain on their path, that's when cause the most trouble as a brain tumor. Then they move on and the noticeable symptoms naturally decrease, and for the most part you're OK. Even the sniffles you get from a cold is really, probably, just from a free-floating tumor, so tumors are quite common.

What I've been saying about my hiatus all along, believe it or not, is the real story. But since I'm not thinking very clearly today, for whatever reason, you'll need to read some of my old posts to see what I've been saying. I really don't remember. Please excuse me today -- and all through this hiatus, however long it turns out to be. Maybe it will indeed be full retirement. I haven't considered that yet, but now that I think of it, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea. I'm getting some dark spots in front of my eyes. My eyes are burning. I think it's happening, friends, that my free-floater is advancing up here somewhere on its path. I hope it doesn't slow down and stay.

The spots aren't terrible, but I can't keep my eyes open. There's some throbbing, nothing back here, all toward the surface. I need to knock off the blog now. I'm going to go sit under Grandma's grow lamps. That's some relief. I'm fine, I hope. Be patient. Must go.

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