Friends, I've given and I've given, and, frankly, I am given out. I have nothing left to give. My very survival demands a hiatus from all this, and that's what I must take. I was left with no other choice.
I want you to know that I appreciate all your well-wishes. And other words of encouragement. Including one very encouraging, "Attaboy" that someone sent in. I don't know if he knew that Grandpa used to say that to me when I was opening birthday presents or not, but obviously it's a word that touches an important emotional place in my psyche, and so of course I was briefly overcome.
But what would the internet be without a few scurrilous knaves trying to ruin it for everyone else? So naturally I got a few discouraging responses, dissing me and my efforts here. They neither like nor appreciate me, it seems. One called me "clearly developmentally challenged" and ended his missive with several frightening death threats. Of course these are the ones that linger in my memory, much more than the encouraging ones.
I tell myself that's the price of being out there. If you just stay in your shell, no one notices you. But if you have things to say -- and a spirit brimming with insights, as I have -- you feel like you cannot be contained, no matter how many brutes and bullies you have to pass by. It's a lot like what we had to face in school. Organized gangs right there in class making careful note of who raised his hand and who didn't, then beating up the more studious among us. I was bullied into silence from first grade up. It wasn't till college that I offered my first peep since kindergarten, and I have to tell you, it was interesting to finally hear what my voice sounded like in a classroom setting.
So I came here, but now I have to pull back. Not because of bullies but out of sheer exhaustion. I've been plumbing the depths, going deep into realms of intellect both natural and supernatural. That's not an easy thing. Then add to it the strain of putting out my newsletter as well as the real life meetings. I thought I was a people person, but it turns out I'm not really. Let's not do that again. I've been yawning ever since. That means I don't like doing something.
Please let me have this hiatus and spend it in peace. Let me try to get a grip. I promise I will do my best and not let you down.