Saturday, January 16, 2010

The "Drive For Pride" -- Eye To Eye

The eye is the pride master's most valuable friend. Both eyes.

With your eyes you communicate a million things, good and bad. Direct eye contact, while being conscious and merciful with it, shows concern and real care. It shows that someone's "home" inside you.

The use of the eyes is something I'm both good at and fail at often.

When I'm with someone, my problem is I'm thinking too much and not letting nature take its course. I'm not instinctual enough in the moment. That's something I need to work on. So I'm afraid I'm communicating a lot of this thinking when the eye contact is happening. And that conveys a very calculating look, which I hate. So I've got it about half going on. Not good enough!

Another problem I guess I can confess to is not having enough pride myself. So when I'm dealing with some folks, I don't have an adequate basis for giving them the non-thinking, non-worried eye contact that makes a real connection. There's still a lot held back, because I'm still dealing with too many things in my "home."

The place I want to get to is this: To venture forth with everything settled within. My own pride locked solidly in place. Fully secure in my role. Valuing myself what I have to offer. Then when I walk into a room, whatever the circumstances, I can be so many miles ahead, instead of having to play catch up. When you're playing catch up, that's where a lot of the thinking comes in. It's a matter then of really only being half there.

What would it be like to be all there? I'm not saying there have never been times. I've been "all there" at times in my life. For me, one on one is always better. But I've been "all there" with more than that, just not usually. But if I keep it in mind, if I work on it, I'll get there on a more regular basis.

So you get pride -- however that happens. The voice you speak to yourself with. You become comfortable in your role. You see the relationships you have and you have a valuable part in them. Then there are other relationships, that occur more on the fly, very incidental relationships ... you have a basis to step in them immediately. Then you're there, it's a matter of being there at this point with all you are.

That's where the eyes come in. You make that meaningful eye contact (without too much conscious thinking about it) and the world will be at your feet, in a good way.

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