Sunday, November 2, 2014

The Road Commandant

I don't live in the most congested area of the country, but it's still pretty damned congested. They've either lowered the driving age to 10 or issued a second car to everyone, because traffic is crazy, terribly bad! I can only imagine how it must be in the worst places -- it takes three hours to get out of your driveway.

And nobody seems to be doing anything about it, such as tearing out houses and businesses and widening roads, at least not enough to make a difference. I frankly think our city parks would make pretty good holding stations for cars waiting to get on the road, if they'd pave them and put in some roundabouts for easy entrance and departure.

Until then, it looks like we're just going to have to make do. There would, however, be another way to handle things. Such as only allowing driving for everyone every other day, going by your last name. A through H one day, I through Z the next. There's not that many X Y Z names, so it's not exactly split in half. Or assign us all a rank and let the higher ranks have some privileges.

I feel I'm mature enough (61) and healthy enough that I'd make a very decent civilian commandant. That'd be a simple system for the roads, a commandant/peon social system. With higher/lower commandants and higher/lower peons. Keeping it simple. The peons would all have gray cars, the commandants gold, with red stripes showing their ranks.

So traffic stops at an intersection, the commandants go first, then the peons. If there's varying ranks of commandants or peons present, they respect the stripes. That's simple. If there's more than one commandant of the same rank, the first one to salute the other goes first. If both salute at the same time, they keep saluting till one's salute appears superior. The peons hash it out between themselves as well, as best they can, having the incentive to hash it out quickly lest another commandant appears.

I think that's pretty good. And it would work in other areas of life. I honestly can't think of any areas it wouldn't work in, except, probably, in peon adoption cases. As a commandant, I'd be open to adopting another commandant child -- like in a case where a commandant was killed in a crash by a peon. The peons would want probably get up in arms if too many commandants tried to adopt their children. But we could always do it at night or in secret.

It'd definitely be a plus in pet adoptions. Still, you can see there might be problems. Say you've just about chosen your pet when a peon family -- more prone to snap decisions -- takes it out from under your nose. But let's say we have a common sense commandant/peon system in place. The peons are making snap decisions, yet they're held up by too many peons doing it. A commandant enters and all snap decisions are officially put on hold. The commandants can now browse in comfort and silence and make their decisions in peace.

A certain amount of cruelty would be allowed, although a commandant could be merciful if he so chose -- tough to imagine but theoretically possible. I can picture a case like this. A peon family has just lost a pet, and the pet place has one close enough to it to be a DNA match. The peons are just about to make their snap decision when the commandant enters. The commandant chooses that very pet. The peons are left crying. He could show mercy, although you can see the clear downside. Why give them false hope, since that's just going back to the old failed system? There's more than one dog ... Wait your turn!

Lest you think it sounds kind of Gestapo, let this word go forth, to friend and foe: I don't mind Gestapo, just so I get mine.

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