Friday, May 22, 2009

The Hiatus Persecution Complex

The longer my hiatus goes the more obstinate I feel about it. At first, when I first had the overwhelming sense of yearning for a hiatus that could not be stemmed, I thought it would be quick and painless. I would disappear for a few days, no big deal. But then...

...We all remember the basic skeleton outline, framework, and scaffolding of what happened. Something went haywire in the minds and hearts and spirits of my "friends" and "followers," including a few who knew my actual address, where I live, from our real life meetings, and were there, at first solicitous and wondering, then they became cold, as though meaning to scare me straight (to return prematurely), then they became very hot when it was clear that their tricks of persuasion, including cajoling, were not going to be successful. (I don't do blue material, but I mentioned it already, that one tormented soul -- G.A. -- even went all perversion ballistic on me, or at least tried to, but I fought back and called the law on him.)

The whole thing with Garrett Al, I think, threw some of the others into a tizzy. They could see I meant business -- so that made them up the ante and boycott the blog. And when someone does that on the internet, thanks to the lightning speed of emails and hateful blog postings, it's generally successful. Because the typical internet user is someone sitting on the edge of his seat just waiting for someone to boycott. Or to bombard with hateful emails, descriptive with all sorts of filthy language as to what they picture me to be like, what my attitudes and actions have suggested about me, and what they'd like to do if they could lay their hands on me. In that regard, Garrett Al was typical, although with him his actions spoke louder than words.

Different ones suggested different things as to what Grandma and I may be doing together here in the house, which was filthy and completely out of bounds. Some of the emails mentioned her looks, accused her of Photoshopping her picture to make her look younger, of using Botox, of having a boob job, and lots of other things of this sort. It really taught me something about the internet, that everyone's minds are in the gutter. The fact is that Grandma has been entirely chaste since Grandpa's death -- and probably long before, since that's not what killed him. She's nothing but a little old lady who's biggest thrill in life is to find doilies at garage sales. She has a few thrills actually, that, and eating apricots, and sleeping.

And I made it clear in my replies that I did not appreciate their vile sentiments. I responded in kind, I will admit, turning their vile words of slander back on them. You'd be proud. Even though I don't do blue on the site, I know how to string it all together with the best of them in private, and so I strung together numerous F bombs and many words of slang for body parts, functions, solid excretions, liquid emissions, and well-known acts together with very personal attacks -- even including some geographical stereotypes where appropriate -- to let them know I can give as well as take. It's always been my firm belief that if you can't say something nice about someone ... then you may as well tell it like it is.

Of course all of this only stiffened my resistance to calls that I end my hiatus. It's the oldest truth in the book: "The persistence of resistance is equal to the insistence of existence." It's quite literally an existential crisis when you see it in those terms: The enemies insist on the existence of my blog, probably my newsletter, probably the real life meetings. But when they insist, I resist, and therefore my hiatus persists. And not only that, but whenever words rhyme so well and tell the actual truth of the matter, you can't help thinking there's some divine inspiration at play.

Being intransigent in the face of bitter persecution was what gave the martyrs their strength. They fed on it. You know, it's something that oppressive regimes have never learned -- Pol Pot, Stalin, George W. Bush -- that the best way to get rid of your enemies is to ignore them. Then they fold like origami, at least the second generation does. But instead these evil leaders plotted and schemed and worked their evil intent on the lives, bodies, and minds of their enemies. And what happened? In each case, the vile leaders were eventually swept into the dustbin of shameful history and their opponents triumphed.

So here I am! Nagh, nagh, nuh-lagh, nagh. The hiatus will go on as long as I feel I'm being persecuted, just to teach you all a well-deserved lesson.

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