Sunday, September 26, 2010

Industrialism Keeps Me Warm At Night -- Not Women

There are the pleasures of the flesh, which are very fleeting, and there are the pleasures of life that are much longer lasting, like what you can get from hard work in industry. Working with metal, belts, girders, plastic, rubber, resulting in stacks of finished wares.

It may sound ridiculous to a lot of people -- mostly those infected with embarrassing diseases -- but to some of us it's really the only way to live. Why would I want to trade the standard, uniform, long-lasting output of the best industrial labor, say, for some butt ugly woman who's here today and gone tomorrow? I wouldn't!

I know, calling someone butt ugly sounds a little harsh. But bear with me, that's really the way it is. With even the best looking women, if you look at them a little closer, you see some real butt ugliness. Maybe too much girth, not enough girth, spots on their skin, thin wispy facial hair, much too tan, not enough sun, bug eyes, narrow eyes, squinty eyes, a huge honking nose, maybe one too sharp or too flat, a mouth too small or too big. Or someone who's always licking her teeth or smacking her lips.

Also, you get all these butt ugly ones with big elephant ears, hair that's a mess, hair with too much hairspray, hair that's been in a hairnet all day, hair that's bristly, hair too thick or too thin, or hair that's gray. You start looking and you immediately see wrinkles around the eyes, a furrowed brow, wrinkles around the mouth, sagging skin around the mouth, jowls, a big out of place black hair coming out of the forehead, neck sagging, or neck wrinkles. Then there's too much makeup or not enough.

On thing I always consider butt ugly is too many piercings. Some of them are extremely big, like in the ear lobe. I don't want any ear lobe holes that are big enough to fit a telescope through. Or piercings all the way up the ear, enough holes to hold a dozen birthstones. Or tongue piercings, how hideously butt ugly those are. Nose piercings the same, jewelry sticking out of the lips, nose rings, cheek rings, piercings around the eyes. It's butt ugly. Any piercings are bad, as are tattoos. Tattoos are the worst, like ugly bruises that never heal.

And speaking of the eyes, it's hideously butt ugly to have eyebrows that have been plucked and different fake ones penciled in, or eyebrows that are too thick, so she looks like Stalin or some other walrus character. I'd prefer eyebrows that are natural, haven't been messed with too much, but aren't too thick, too thin, not a forest, not cobwebs. Also, eyes that don't wander, aren't shifty, aren't weak-looking, not one looking straight out and one looking at 2 o'clock, and not crossed like a cross-eyed lion. Everyone's so crazy about Mona Lisa's eyes and smile. She's butt ugly.

It's butt ugly if the neck is too long or too short, too thick, too thin. Let's just avoid all the funkiness of extremes on necks or any other body part. I'm not looking for birth defects, birthmarks, two of anything where there should be one, one of anything where there should be two. Just keep it simple, the way nature intended, like in the old National Geographics. The tribal women walked around naked all day and the guys were smart enough to be off building squirrel traps or missionary pots.

I'm seriously against anything as hideously butt ugly as a woman whose body has problems, moving past the head and neck downward. And there's not really any reason to specifically describe each thing. You know it when you see it. If there's any deformity, any variance from a narrow standard, any sagging, any flabbiness, any hyper-thinness, anything aiming in oddball directions, any freckles, blemishes, wrinkles, differences in size, that makes for a butt ugly imbalance. You can keep it.

I find it extremely butt ugly if there's any kind of difficulties with the arms and fingers. Too narrow, too bony, fidgeting with them, fingernails that have been chewed, fingernails that are too long, fingernails with dirt under them, painted fingernails, fingernails with designs painted on them, fingernails with polish (except a very thin coat of light pink, I like that). Of course, any flab on the back of the arms would be out.

I hesitate to mention the breasts, since that's one of the main things, but a lot of them are butt ugly. And it's the same as above, the size (too big, too small), the shape (distended, pair-shaped), the feel (like five pounds of bricks or five pounds of feathers), the perkiness (too perky, not perky enough), too much separation between them (where you could join them on her back), or too much closeness (where cleavage persists even when fully nude). I'm not looking for Chesty Morgan. And I'm not looking for a body builder with shrinky dinks either.

Let's go quickly to the floor. You have the same problem with feet. They're butt ugly. I'll bet I haven't seen five women in my lifetime with feet that are presentable. They're too big, too wide, too short, or something's wrong with them. Big knobby toes, bony joints, missing the pinky toenail, problems with fungus, odor, dirty, one thing or another, hammertoes. I've heard of men (perverts with odd fetishes) who like to worship women's feet. That's disgusting. These men simply hate themselves so much they find any horrible butt ugly body part appealing.

The legs. A lot of guys say they're leg men. Not me! For the most part, they're butt ugly too. Too short, stumpy, or too long and thin. I'll give it to most women that they shave their legs. That's good, but you have to keep doing it. You rub a leg that hasn't been shaved in an hour and it's already bristly. It's like adopting a porcupine. And could they please not nick themselves so many times? The last thing, one of the last things, I want to do is rub some bristly leg and come up with blood on my fingers or a picked off scab.

Now, going up, we're up to the supposedly good stuff. Which also, frankly, is also butt ugly in so many cases. Since I don't do blue material, I need to tread lightly in this area. Of course the butt is literally butt ugly. There's no real difference between a man's and a woman's butt. The same disgusting crack up the middle. Just once, I'd like to find one that was smooth all the way across. But, since that's never happened, we're left with various grades of butt ugly ones. Too big, that's a huge problem. There's something odd about the curve of a woman that gives them bigger butts. You see big bubble ones, sticking out like bench, I hate those. And of course any woman who has to pad her pants, she's automatically disqualified.

Now, and this is the really blue part, so my vocabulary needs to be very careful. There's the meat of the goodie, as they call it. And I don't know what you think, but these are extremely butt ugly too. Like a couple of prunes sharing the rent, or a bed of oysters gone bad. There's so many flaps and folds, creases and twists, you're left with the mystery of "What's that thing supposed to look like when it's well" Then it's all mixed up in proximity to every other disgusting function of the human body, you have to conclude, "None of this was made for pleasure, just functionality." I'd need a fumigator just to consider it! Imagine the fun dates you could have with the Servicemaster guy going in first.

The human body -- I'm sorry to say -- is simply too butt ugly to deal with! Away with it! Good riddance!

That's why I stick to my work, the reliable work of industry. You have your factory. You're out there with the tools, putting pieces together, welding things, hammering them into place, heating them up with a super refined flame, then cooling them off in ice cold water in a second's time. You have a metal panel, it fits into place. And with a few quick, tight screws, it's all ready to ship.

That's how I want to spend my time. With a full day's work. Working up a sweat doing an honest day's labor ... That's what keeps me warm at night and really satisfies.

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