Thursday, February 24, 2011

My Piss And Vinegar Levels

My piss and vinegar levels are very low, so low I can barely function.

Thank God I still have the ability to check, to see what the problem is. I'm going down a whole checklist, a self-examination, and it's not looking good.

My biorhythms are way off, at a low ebb. My moxie on the ball, usually one of my wettest features, is dry as a bone. You could rub it off, or, the most you can say for it, you could scrape it off.

These are some of the biggest indicators of what's going on. But they only tell part of the story. I need to go deeper, check the rest of the personal apparatus for the rest. Normally my mojo is perking along. I'm out strutting, fancying myself a lad among lads, sometimes a lad among lassies. They see me coming and there's something radiating off me that makes me the life of the party. But by God, the mojo's in minus territory. I couldn't attract a moth with a blowtorch. This is terrible.

Some of the rest is just the purely physical stuff, like my libido. I'll just flip through a few magazines from the bottom of my desk for a quick test. Yes, I'll see your spread eagle and raise you three forward thrusts. It's not working. I got nothing. This noodle's been boiled. It's time for the sauce. The only Prego I'm going to see comes in a jar. Something's happened. I've been enchanted, or de-enchanted, cursed, but who, who did it ... or what?

Mojo, libido, biorhythms, moxie on the ball.

What's this about my piss and vinegar levels? I've always had plenty of piss and vinegar. I'm the king of the inedible salad. Back in my salad days. Piss and vinegar indicates your ability--- uh, what is it again? Why do we need piss and vinegar? Good God, my memory's going too! Piss and vinegar, they say that when-- let's see, when you're sassy, that's it. Sassy, sarcastic, slyness, underhandedness when it comes to speech, the ability to undercut someone else, all that, yes.

I must still have a little piss and vinegar. Could my level really nearing empty?

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