Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sex Talk With The Pink Professor

Editor's Note: As you know, one of the strictest policies of this blog is that "Nothing Blue Is Allowed." Anything that may arouse or stimulate prurient interest in anyone, not excluding those who are the most easily stimulated (teenage boys), is strictly forbidden. The only time sexual matters are discussed is when they're presented in an academic way or for purposes of promoting greater health and hygiene in society. Tonight's post adheres closely to this policy.

I'm together with the Pink Professor tonight. I'm not really allowed to kiss and tell, so I won't be saying too much about that or what could happen later on tonight, not even if you take me down and tickle me. And there's certain spots where I'd say almost anything to get you to stop...

Like I said, I'm together with him. We're this close, the closest of friends. But he's in the other room, the bathroom specifically, taking a nice hot shower all by himself. Since that might go on for 20-25 minutes -- he believes in savoring things. I have no idea what he's savoring right now, probably involves a lot of strategically rubbed lather -- I have my laptop on my hot little laptop typing this out. I'm not in any hurry -- slooooow and steady wins the race, and to prove it, I even wrote a very rare "Editor's Note" tonight, which tells of a policy I insist on.

I don't think it's out of line at this point to say that love is in the air. Why I'm not in the shower with him, I know that's your question. That's a good question and one I've been asking myself. And I haven't got a really good answer, except sometimes love forbears. I don't need to cling. Plus, how should I say this? Some of the nicest packages are best opened slooooowly and steadily, inch by inch. Also, some of the mystique is gone if you're in the shower. It's the same reason I never went to circus parades, a reference having to do with elephant trunks being hooked to elephant tails in the harsh light of day.

There'll be other nights for that. We moderately young, at least not as old as we'll be in a few years, so I'm willing to put up with a little privacy if it keeps some of the mystery. But other nights -- who knows? -- maybe I'll be fighting him for the soap, because I can go crazy with the rest of them, and it'll be "No Holds Barred" and "Katie Bar The Bathroom Door!" But I draw the line at towel snapping, since it's dangerous. I never liked it when other guys did it in the shower in school and I don't like it now. But we're grown up and I can't believe we'd either one of us ever be into that kind of horseplay. You don't want to crawl under the covers with a big welt ... I don't.

The shower of course wasn't our first order of business of the night. We've been slicing a few pieces off a big summer sausage, nice to do on a cold winter night. And having some chunks of cheese. And sardines. And some fine wine to wash it all down with. I'm a lot more romantic than you might think. I'm old fashioned. I like to join arms and make eye contact till we cry. But it didn't go that far tonight. Romance is very important though.

In there somewhere, among the first orders of business, we just let the conversation go where it would, which eventually included some talk about matters of the human physique (sex talk). It was probably the wine that stimulated some of the talk that wouldn't be fit for the blog -- I know a lot of kids read this and I'd hate to think they were getting any ideas, since, with their hormones, anything can and usually does happen. I was a kid once and I remember more of it than I probably should. I can't believe some of the stuff we did, crazy stuff we wouldn't think of doing now. I'm not even going to say what it was. I haven't had that much wine!

With the Pink Professor -- that's not his real name but that's what I'm allowed to call him, since he serves as the Pink Professor figure at a local bikers bar, being both a professor and fulfilling the pink aspects of the job in other ways -- we got into some more academic matters having to do with the more fleshly side of life. Including a brilliant question if I do say so myself that I came up with, which was, "Is it really full frontal nudity if the guy has a dickie?" Putting aside the obviously funny word "dickie," the question implies a great point. A dickie is worn on the front, usually under a shirt, but say the guy has stripped down to nothing, leaving very little to the imagination, yet he still has on a dickie, that's not nudity!

And the same thing would go for women. If she's strutting around with high heels on, that might be sexy as all get out, but it's not nudity. It's just a little pet peeve of mine, like when you see movies advertised with nudity, and they're not completely naked, I think it's false. It's a matter of accuracy in definitions. Yes, of course, it might be more sexy to have her in high heels or him in a dickie (doubtful) -- better would be a torn T shirt and cut off shorts, carrying a thrusting jackhammer, but you get my point. Plus, add to the lady's attire a camisole, that'd be nicer.

The talk went on like that, with lots of laughs. And a few nice romantic asides, leading me to dangle a sardine over his open mouth. I got it near his lips, then pulled it away. A little sardine oil dripped off and hit his tongue. He looked at me funny and I burst out laughing. ("Is that a promise or a threat?") A few more angles and dangles with the sardine, when, just when I thought I had it mastered, he jumped straight up like a dolphin -- totally unforeseen -- and gulped it right out of my fingers! So that's the way you work, Mister, taking forbidden fruit before I've said "Yes!" (Sardines are a heck of an aphrodisiac, I hear, if you need outside stimulants.)

Oh, I just heard the shower make another noise. He might be in the rinse mode or maybe it's wax. Whatever, I have just a few minutes left. And I still need to make a graphic to go with this post. Fortunately I can do it real fast. My idea is Leonardo da Vinci's "Man" with a dickie. I'll put in one dickie but it looks like he'll end up with two.


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