Thursday, August 4, 2011

Sex With A Mule

This little trifle is called "Sex with a Mule." Not that there is any actual sex with a mule taking place. And no mules were harmed in the writing of this blog, as though they could be.

It's simply about a guy giving a talk to a group of men and making a very bad mistake.

He's explaining to the group that, "Men do not like what they hate. No, those things they hate. They like what they like. And they love what they love." So far, so good. You could barely dispute the logic. So, with great confidence he goes on, and he probably shouldn't have: "As an example, men love having sex with a mule, but they'd hate to have sex with a woman. I should know."

At this point, of course, there's nervous titters from the gathered men, that quite soon becomes outright laughter and euphoria. There's a few guys backslapping some of the smaller men. The speaker is looking around, thinking something has definitely gone wrong. Someone at the head table cups his hand up by his ear and fills him in on his mistake.

He stands at the podium, knowing this is a good laugh on him. Good God, why did I even mention sex? And mules? Someone's going to think -- Oh! What'd I say?!"  Wouldn't that be terrible? Just thinking of it does a number on my mind. I'll probably dream of it tonight!

He gets the crowd quieted down. "Gentlemen, gentlemen, may I have your attention?" Everything's quieting down, finally, when a wag in the back lets out a "Hee haw!" It sounds like it came from a very shocked mule, like maybe the speaker had sneaked up on it! The place erupts! The speaker is looking at the red velvet curtains, thinking he might have to leave town and never come back.

But he bravely presses on, at first frowning severely, then figuring he'd better just laugh along with the rest. It'll make him look like a better sport. He gavels the place into submission.

"I beg your pardon, gentlemen. I obviously made a bad mistake. Frankly, my real mistake was to mention that subject at all. But I did, and it seems I got it terribly wrong. Of course, what I meant to say was, 'Men love having sex with a woman, but they'd hate having sex with a mule. I should know.'"

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