Friday, July 29, 2011

In Bed With The Princess And The Pea

I met an actual real life princess, and started thinking, Lucky me! This doesn't happen very often, for one thing, and the fact that she came on pretty strong was a real bonus.

We had a nice time out on the town, then when I went to drop her off, she asked me into the palace. Of course I was eager to see what might happen.

We had a drink or two, then it was time to get down to business. I was thinking she'd have one of those four poster beds with curtains all around. But instead, it was just a mattress in the middle of the room.

OK, let's get to it. We started a little bit of necking. She was doing some groping, and I in turn was also all hands. We were very soon getting into the prone position, when suddenly she had some apparently minor discomfort.

I asked what was wrong. She cussed a blue streak, with some complaint about there being a pea on the floor under the mattress. Oh, that's all? I thought, a little relieved because I was afraid she didn't like the sight of me in my birthday suit. It could stand some alterations.

I said I'd get it out, then we'd pick up where we left off. But she protested that that would be too much trouble. "There's another mattress in the closet," she said, which to me sounded tougher than just getting rid of the pea. But since I hardly ever get to first base with a princess, I wasn't going to argue.

We had two mattresses now and I got her comfortable again, I thought, and I was getting ready to make a serious move on her involving some above-the-waist fooling around. But she surprised me again with new complaints about the pea. She suggested another mattress, although I made a serious case for simply getting the pea out. But she wouldn't take no for an answer.

With three mattresses, I thought, she'd have to be comfortable enough. You could put a jackhammer under three mattresses and turn it on low and not feel it. But it was no good. I thought I could just go straight to the real goods, when she objected, saying she needed serious comfort measures, and she needed them now! "Yeah," I said, a little sarcastically, "I know the feeling, sheesh!"

We may as well skip ahead. It went on like that, the fourth, fifth, and sixth mattress. Then a few more, seven, eight, nine. An hour had passed and by now we had a grand total of 18 mattresses stacked up, which is a lot of heavy lifting for an old man who started the night in pretty good shape...

18 mattresses! That meant we had mattresses stacked nearly to the ceiling. We were up there with the chandelier practically in our face. I was exhausted, but finally my heavy breathing died down. Then she revealed herself to me and the heavy breathing returned. I looked down and it looked like it was going to be smooth sailing from here on out. It reminded me of driving down the street and seeing someone's garage left open. Very inviting.

I prepared myself for the greatest bliss, the sweet denouement to a wonderful night. But just before I was able to cross the threshold toward satisfaction, again she started in with the bitching about the pea. Somehow she felt the damned thing 18 stories up! This stinking pea was getting more action than me!

Since there wasn't room for any more mattresses, I had another idea, but it would take some doing. I kissed her forehead and moved her hand down and asked her to save my place. It would just be a matter of climbing down and getting rid of the pea once and for all...

I ran out to the garage and looked around, getting just the right equipment. Then back in and to the basement. I took the automatic pea finder and started touching the basement ceiling in various places. In a few minutes, I had it! The red light was blinking! Now it was just a matter of drilling up -- [drill noises here] -- and as the drill pushed up, I pulled it back and the pea fell harmlessly into my hot little hand. "Now I've got you, you little bastard!"

With the obstruction to our happiness completely removed, I headed back upstairs and made the difficult climb all the way back to the ceiling. And there she was, looking very comfortable. Her hand was still in place, which I lovingly removed and kissed. The princess was truly ready for me, snuggling against me, writhing, and reaching for me as I also sought out and discovered her love.

The tension of the evening had completely melted away, with another form of intensity taking its place, this intensity being of bliss. This was going to be one mind-blowing night, I was certain, with the princess fully yielded to me, and, it should go without saying, me fully yielded to her. We were both worked up, to the max!

The time had come. I was going to go for it. She was open to me, when without warning she suddenly went limp and showed a terrible grimace on her face. I felt my heart and the rest of me sink. What now? She was uncomfortable again, "That hole's letting in a draft."

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