Wednesday, February 11, 2009

No Milk Today

Drat, after expressing my undying love for milk yesterday, I get up today and there's no milk.

Of course I quickly remembered that I finished off the gallon yesterday, perhaps drinking too much because it was in my heart not just to love it in spirit but to love it in fact. I should be honest -- I didn't really overindulge yesterday; it was just getting down to foam anyway and I finished it off. That's good though.

It's something I think a guy needs a gold star for having done. To finish off an entire gallon of milk. I know there have been plenty of times in the past when we've opened a gallon, then drank a few glasses or used it on cereal, then it's gotten pushed toward the back of the fridge and forgotten. Next thing you know it's four or five days past the expiration date and not drinkable. At least by me.

But these days I'm living in what you might call a more systematic way. Get out the bacon, the bagel, the milk, the orange juice, the butter substitute, etc. The milk, which we're dealing with today, is poured in good form. I check the jug and see that it's ¾ full, then ½ full, then ¼ full, and think my gold star ought to be here any day. What I always hope for is that I will have a replacement jug before the old one is empty. But it just didn't happen this time. So, if there's any penalty for that, I'll clip a couple ends off the star. And I'll have an ugly star.

So what's so good about milk? I don't know. And I don't think I'll look it up. Because I might come across a site that is anti-milk or will have an array of facts against milk that I won't be able to refute. Then I'll be paranoid that I'm getting some kind of farm toxin in my system. See, the fact that I know this stuff is out there already tells me that I know something on the subject, only I'm not aware of it day to day. But it's common knowledge, probably, that there are anti-everything groups out there. Don't milk the poor cow, let it graze, let it wander off to the hills and spray its milk against a rock. That's crazy. You're not a baby cow, are you? That you would need its mother's milk? I don't want to hear that. And now I'm thinking it. It's driving me -- I was going to say insane -- but this is only my version of sanity.

Who knew that having a glass of milk could be so consternating?

So ... if all goes well, I'll have a few minutes to get a gallon of milk today. I don't even see a cow, to tell you the truth. By the time I get it, there's no cattle in sight. As far as I know it's all synthetic anyway and cows are off drinking the real thing themselves. So what do I know? Nothing about it.

UPDATE (5:31 p.m.) - I have no beef against cattle. If they want to drink their own milk, that's their business. I'll still buy whatever they have in the store, whether it's synthetic or not.

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