Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Country Strikes Back

Another few days has passed. Time really flies when it's sped up. Now I can see why someone could live to be 104, like Grandma has. Because she's really only living every other day. So if she's only 52 in the actual passage of time, she's younger than I! A few more days of this time warp and it might turn out that I am somehow my grandmother's father. But I'll leave that worry for another day. If there's a paternity fight you'll be among the first to know.

My worry today is on some of the reactionaries among the country folk, who may be a little reluctant to submit to my ideas of bringing them and the city folk together. I did confer with some of the higher ups, in addition to numerous underlings. Each had a small but vocal cadre of people who are proving hard to sway. They want to protect their old ways, they say, but it could be they're just stubborn, hard to convince because they're also simply stupid. That's always something to take into consideration.

But when an immovable object meets an irresistible force something eventually's got to give. And it ain't gonna be me. I'll step up the expertise if that's what they want. Every group dynamics trick, not to mention the various tricks of human environmental science and the lifestyle sciences. I've been doing this since kindergarten. I saw the angles, like how my desk should be set in relation to the teacher's desk to make sure she noticed me. And the way my blanket should be oriented in relation to the other kids' to make it stand out. But some teachers were stupid too, and so along the way I got a few dings on my report card for being needy, clingy, etc. You have them in every group of people.

One of the big tricks I have for the country folks is what I call the art of commisseration. But commisserating with people is very time consuming, because to do it to maximum profit you have to do it individually or, at most, with two. That means getting them alone, like during a break, finding out some of their grievances, then piling on with, "Oh, yeah! I thought I was the only one who felt that way!" And occasionally catching my breath at some grievance they've stated. You look in their eye with a look that says "That's profound" and touch their shoulder, and immediately use your body language to lead them back to the group. What you're saying is two things: 1) I couldn't agree more; 2) We need to lead this group together in seeing things our way. They'll thank us.

So if these cretins give me any guff -- and it seems that's what some of them are up to -- I'll be commisserating fast and furious. Then when their guard's down, wham! They'll be spinning dizzy in their own dust, with no choice but to rejoin the group on my terms. Because in the meantime, I've arranged chairs, desks, sofas, bulletin boards, every piece of furniture. And when I present, those who are in most agreement with me, they'll all be subtly rewarded with better lighting, better ability to hear, fewer reflections from the sun through the windows, etc. Anyone left at the perimeter or in the inferior seating will have to move up to those least in agreement with them if they want the advantages. And so forth.

But I hate to make this a seminar in scientific manipulation. But I notice you're not complaining. And there are some very good reasons for that. But we shall go on...

I went to the second Friday grange dance a couple days ago, and there's another one tomorrow. Of course I was much more trusted at the second dance than at the first. I saw the whole set up of the orgies, all that, trying to ensnare folks who were clueless. I saw the horses kicking a few young men to death. I saw the dressing room for the farmers' daughters. And lots of other stuff. So, a few more weeks of this and I'll own the dance. And maybe before we're through I can test out some group dynamics and science on these horses in their barns.

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