Monday, September 9, 2019

Dreaming Of A Bigger Cannon

Part 9 of 30
Self-Abuse September

Every guy has his own feelings about what he’s packin', and knows how those feelings factor into his contentment or lack of contentment. I think they’ve gone as far as they can in terms of supplementing length, but honestly that's never been an interest of mine. So of course surgical augmentation would be a hard sell for me; I'm just not going to do it. If you're like me, it’s time to be content. Restore contentment! If there's any way we can add length to our contentment, in regards to this or any other subject, that's more welcome.

That said, naturally each of us is in our own place about applying the available methods for greater length, either way out in front of others or lagging behind. If it's your thing, it's also your decision. You alone know your circumstances and how much you can stand, and the pros and cons. I would counsel, however, that unless you're involved in tribal dances around bonfires and think the tribe might be about to name you their king, it doesn’t matter. What about impressing others in dressing rooms? It's so much easier to duck behind some lockers to dress, or do what I do, get your exercise riding a bike. Where greater length is actually a hindrance. I've seen big guys swerve into cement walls and die.

But in the end, if you’re really so sensitive, there's truly no law that says you have to refrain from supplements, medicines, and every ancillary thing that hints at or promises relief. Read up on the subject, talk with non-judgmental friends, and of course run it by your priest and friends who are nuns, and search your own heart. And let it be a matter between you and your partner. If your partner is a woman, you can fairly well gauge her feelings in the ordinary course of time. Is she raising the roof with cries of delight, pounding her head on the headboard without injury? Or is she doing her best work knitting or working crossword puzzles and speaking in a dull monotone? Were her fingernails long before you started and nicely trimmed when you’re done? It’s time for help. If your partner is a man, ask him point blank, "Do you like me for my smile or what?"

But augmentation? There’s always trade-offs. You need to be mindful about drugs and their side effects. I'm not a health professional so anything I say about it is for entertainment purposes only. If my words depress you and don't entertain you, remember, they were entertaining when they left my mouth so there’s probably something wrong with your ears. And if there is something wrong with your ears, your wife’s probably been trying to clue you in to your inadequacies for years. Look into ear enlargement drugs and/or surgery. Once they’re the size of elephant ears, then you’re on to something. You’ll be able to hear what everyone’s saying about you, and, once that happens, you might need a middle-finger enlargement.

I truly think, though, concerning what we're dealing with down there, that seeking contentment apart from drugs and unnecessary surgery is the way to go. For those of us who have been content and weren’t getting a lot of action anyway all this might've made us feel inadequate, but we’ve adjusted, we're fine with slim pickin’s. Take me, for example, I’ve aged nicely. I have the usual bruises, but nothing that has any long-term danger as long as I take it easy on off days. In addition, there are chastity devices for men who have trouble forbearing, but -- and this is a weird part of the conundrum -- it might be such an enticing kink that you’ll end up with even more bruises! In which cases, if your doctor prescribes them for you, sleeping pills might be the cure.

Again, if at the end of all these conundrums your doctor is still speaking to you, and your budget allows for all your rather trite nitpicky complaints, please continue to seek further professional help. Until when? Until you've exhausted all the options and no one wants to deal with you ever again.

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