The Three Stages of Me

No. 6 of 31 -- Thermometer series

Sorry to immediately personalize the chart, but “Been There, Done That...” I started off the proverbial 98-pound weakling, grew into a fitter specimen, then hit the magical status of 100%. And what a moment it was. I tossed confetti till noon. Then ate a cow. For a while I even thought that was as good as it got, then I heard about 150% and 200% also being actual numbers and went for it. And it wasn’t really hard; if you can hit 100% everything beyond that's a piece of cake.

Because you can go from Scrawny directly to Brawny, I put those together in one panel. But most guys, let’s call them Average Man, get fed up with what can become a constant struggle when they’re around 57% fit, and start thinking, “If I get to 60% that’s good enough, my goal's average, I'll slip into the middle of the pack. And it’s true, you can, which is why it's called Average.

It’s only the few — small guys like me and guys much larger — who say, No, I’m going for 100%, then the sky’s the limit. I won't be held down by gravity! I will soar into the skies of fitness, physically, mentally, psychologically, with stamina to spare, brawniness to boot, in every way tough, tougher, and toughest. Shoe leather's got nothing on me. Nothing can hold me down. I shall not be bound.

And I won't be musclebound either, one of these guys so thick in muscles and head they put you in tire commercials. Instead, I'll be smart and wise, with a mind like a computer that’s reliable and doesn’t have to be continually rebooted with updates and still shows unknown errors. People talk to me and I respond by squeaking and clicking as I perform calculations and spit out answers: "Mr. Knowledge, what is the secret of everlasting life?" Answer: If you're smart enough to ask, you're smart enough to know.

I say the secret of everlasting life is Vigor Vivus and kicking ass. But you can be stuck in its opposite, Rigor Mortis, while in the best of health. Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking, another Vigor Vivus message from Mr. Know-it-All. Please spare me! OK, but I've seen enough guys sink away and vanish; you may as well survive. Because it's true, Vigor Vivus is the spirit of life, that we're born with but fritter away by our lack of attention to the inner slob.

And Rigor Mortis is its constant counterpart. You settle for Rigor Mortis, pretty soon you think that's all there is; you’re hard as a rock, then softened like chaff, till that disintegrates and you’re a pile of dust. Whereas Vigor Vivus, when that’s your spirit, you puff out in confidence, you bulk up mentally/spiritually, you're a multidimensional success, and finally you hulk out and reign over all enemies. Just be careful, though, when you "arrive," because delusions come in pretty packages.

There’s only one thing about hulking out and reigning I don’t like: so often I have to do it alone, which is lonely. I was out with some other poor guys in the Big City, looking for cans. I had about a 12-pack box full, and another guy had a Hefty sack full. But he had Rigor Mortis like you wouldn't believe, sadly making him the poorest man in town. He died under the bridge, leaving me great memories and about 65 cans.

Bad news for that guy, but his piss-poor end is great news for you, what you can avoid. This blog is open to all. But if you never felt welcome, that was your own psyche excluding you. Even before I plastered the place with thermometers, you were welcome. The thermometer drive is meant to put all misconceptions in the past. We are explicitly telling you, You are welcome, whether you’re 60, 100, or more in percent. Hell, if you’re 30%, 20, 10, 5, get with it. If you’re literally a pile of dust looking for the next hint of a breeze, as long as you are at least a few specks of dust with some semblance of coherence, that's better than nothing. You can reach out and we promise to keep the breeze down where you are. And whisper to you occasionally, "You still there? Come on, Dusty, start clumping."

We’re forever discussing the issues that can help you. Whether it’s bettering your best (obviously one of my personal favorites) or having at least something and adding a few more specks to your collection of dust with the hope that you'll build and grow, advancing perhaps to a leg, an arm, anything beyond the little you are now, we're here for you.

Vigor Vivus Makes Absolute Horse Sense

I sincerely believe my posts on Vigor Vivus, the active principle of life in a person at its utmost quality, are what I was born to write. I'm always touched, in return, by the many cards, letters, emails, comments, smoke signals, tweets, and proposals for marriage I get. Your kind remarks mean so much to me, more than you know, although, as you would guess, I cannot answer each one, as I hate wasting time and money. But be assured, I take them into account in later posts. Today, for example, is an answer to someone who suggested that the horse, foremost in the animal world, is the personification of Vigor Vivus. I completely agree!

It's been three months, meaning it's time to check my Vigor Vivus levels. That's a great discipline, by the way, in case you've let yours go. Seriously, I don't think there's anything better you can do for yourself, be it a yearly physical, flu shots, or monthly prostate exams. Or be it going to church, furthering your education, taking care of your family, being kind to neighbors, donating to charity, adopting orphans, buying winning lottery tickets, praying for China, or stopping after you've been in an accident and/or yielding for the ambulance. Vigor Vivus is Number 1. I for one have kept up on mine, and I have to say, I feel healthy as a horse.

I can't think of any horse I've ever known that's been sick. They gallop right along, right through life, living in the sunshine, in the hay, in the clover, feeling their oats, staying frisky, raring back with cussedness, with nary a saddle sore. It's their spirit that leads us to handle them right, keep them groomed, tend their stalls, and never leave them to suffer without provender. I've always believed, and I've reiterated it a thousand times: The horse, foremost in the animal world, is the exact personification of Vigor Vivus, its express image.

Part of my discipline with Vigor Vivus goes back to my own upbringing. Also recalling the horse, Mom would brush me down, and of course Dad kept me trotting to accomplish some little task or other, both teaching me good values for riding tall. They were great and didn't nag much, raising me from the small pony boy I was to the full grown man I am today. I also owe it to them, the desire and ability I have today, to teach others, you. You can thank my parents, regrettably now deceased.

Without Vigor Vivus, the great life principle, the source of psychological and physical health, I'd be nothing. Yes, without it, I might stumble along, probably, well enough for a while. Just like the horse might stumble along, were it a lesser animal, but not win the race. You know the drill; it'd be in last place, going downhill, then kaput, fizzzt, like a wire shorted out. Am I right?

We must never forget Vigor Vivus' dreadful yet very real opposite. There's a scale that goes from the life principle, devolving to its opposite, Rigor Mortis. And even in Vigor Vivus, Rigor Mortis is still there in some quantity, however minute. That why we can say so-and-so has greater Vigor Vivus and how we can say there is a scale. The life principle can be lose the lead and Rigor Mortis can gallop ahead. God forbid! But that explains how a Hercules, Samson, or Jack LaLanne can die at peak health.

Would you like pointers on checking your Vigor Vivus level? If you say no, you either know how, or your levels are so low you're hopelessly lost in Rigor Mortis. I have a good discipline on how to do it. Put on some soft music or something with a good message. This morning I went with the old song by Tony Bellus, "Robbin' the Cradle." With the great lyrics, "They say I'm robbin' the cradle, little darling. Is it strange for true love to be so young?" Very inspiring. As that played a few times I sat quietly, head above, body below. For a while I closed my eyes, then opened them. Then one eye closed and the other open. Then switched. Last of all, I scratched any itch. Which, my mom always reminded me, horses also do, making a big production out of it, rubbing it against trees.

A very important part is to move thoughts around in my head. Move them to the left, then to the right, then distribute them back to their place. These are mental movements, you understand. There's hundreds of them. Any image with motion, any real life correlate, is useful. You might think of reining in a wayward, excited horse, and keeping it in a small pen to let it cool down. Whatever you do to check Rigor Mortis, Vigor Vivus pays off greatly, sometimes 40 to 1.

Vigor Vivus! Win, place, or show, it's all good. That's all I got today, no mare, no less. All of it making great horse sense.


Other great Vigor Vivus teachings:
My Vigor Vivus Health Plan
The Dawn of Vigor Vivus
Teens Reject Rigor Mortis
Vigor Vivus -- I Command the World
Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus
Your Basic Problem is Rigor Mortis
Unveiling the March of Vigor Vivus
The Unremitting Shield of Vigor Vivus
Vigor Vivus at the Dentist
Teen Talk: Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus
Rigor Mortis Nix, Vigor Vivus Best Way
Bin Laden Mortis vs. Obama Vivus
"For Entertainment Purposes Only." Added at the recommendation of a doctor friend.

Vigor Vivus -- Up From the Bed I Arose

I'm a big believer in Vigor Vivus. That's well known from my many writings on the subject. But even I forget, occasionally. Then something happens -- it's hard to explain the workings of the mind -- and I suddenly remember. And when I do, the effect is amazing, like Popeye with spinach; there's an instantaneous change. Like all at once a sudden shifting of everything. Think of a Rubik's Cube, twisted and hopeless, but in an instant solving itself. That's amazing, and a great time saver.

Recently, I've been even more hopeless than that, although to be honest I have been keeping up with my morning spiritual ablutions and, to the extent I've been able, my reading. Such things are food to body and soul. But as everyone knows, the daily grind tends to wear us down, and that fairly quickly. I have a list of things that need to be done, I set myself toward accomplishing it, and forget there's a whole other aspect of life, my personal self-interest, well-being.

So it's just like someone sets a ton of bricks on my back. Let's say the bricks are first on one shoulder, so I'm weighed down on that side. Then another ton of bricks are put on the other shoulder, balanced, of course, but still very uncomfortable. That's only two tons. Then another ton on my neck, with additional tons speedily piling up on every other part of me. So I'm completely weighed down, seemingly nothing left free. But think about it, there's plenty of room inside. So more tons of bricks everywhere, and by now it's apparently quite hopeless.

This state of being, so put upon, so weighed down, so lethargic in every way is just the opposite of the spirit of Vigor Vivus. We call this state Rigor Mortis, like with death. Finding myself in Rigor Mortis like that, I'm good for nothing. Yes, I'm going through the motions, but without the joy of it, immensely, tediously, hideously, frighteningly joyless. You ask me something, I appear to give you a decent enough answer. But listen more closely: There's a subtle droopy tone, betraying the answer of Rigor Mortis. My smile's even semi-crooked, my eyes are lifeless, glazed over, my puffy eyelids almost blotting out the light. You might see a blackhead. There's nothing left. If only I could drag myself to bed! Perchance to sleep, perchance to await the guys from the crematorium.

Here, then, is how it might happen, changing everything. I might see something simple, like two pictures showing a great contrast, a person like me, down in the mouth, weighed down. But the other picture shows someone with the opposite spirit, getting on famously with life, full of joy, happiness, and, yes, vigor. It quickly registers. Like the Bat Signal in the sky, they've got my number. And I suddenly have -- right in the center of my forehead somewhere -- the flash of two bold capital Vs, standing for ... Vigor Vivus!

Then, just as fast as the tons of bricks were dropped and received, my mental gears are grinding full blast. I refuse to accept the current state of affairs. I turn away Rigor Mortis cold turkey, just like that. There's no patch for my arm, no gum to chew for six months, no E-vapor Vigor Vivus to puff at till I'm cured or hooked in some other way. I remember -- and I wish I never forgot, although real life can obviously be a grind. And when I remember, please, "Would everyone here kindly step to the rear!" Because I'm going to be stomping, and singing something like Brünnhilde's battle cry, "Ho-jo-to-ho"! It's Vigor Vivus to the rescue!

Friends, I'm the world's biggest big mouth evangelist when it comes to Vigor Vivus. I know you're out there, you... And the same thing besets you. I'm not so special, I'm not unique. You've got it too, Rigor Mortis, a real farking drag, a major drain. Just like me, then, you too can have something better, a sense of life in all its rich glory, Vigor Vivus! Your attitude shifts. You see the victory of a renewed attitude, a shift in your spirit. And you're up -- you, yourself, you -- stomping it out! Vigor Vivus is now in your spirit!

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV, Ho-jo-to-ho!

Paranoia -- The Microscopic Level

I've been worried maybe there's something wrong with me. This week's been filled with total, huge paranoia, so bad I've often personified it, something like a hulking being, Paranoia!

That's certainly how it's seemed, and it'd take a lot at this point to talk me out of it. I've been in strange places, there's been a lot of bad and some good. I've faced basically every disaster I can think of short of a nuclear war, which at least would've distracted me from my own troubles solely.

It's funny how these experiences go. Sometimes you're the center of the universe, so important, and unable to satisfy the powers that be. That field's fertile for paranoia. Other times you're marginalized, alone, at your wit's end on how to manage and survive. I don't know which I hate more. The first involves much more sinister enemies. The second is like Man vs. Self, although, it's likely both are Man vs. Self ... since, honestly, there's no sinister enemy that cares about me that much.

I think the most logical conclusion is that this is internal to me. Was I really in the Valley of Fire Snakes? Yes, although I can imagine a pretty terrible Valley of Fire Snakes. It depends on what we mean by "really," because in some sense I was really there! Now, if it's internal, like I learned that time in the asylum, maybe there's something more our scientific friends can do about it.

I know a man of science, Dr. Pink, who's always good for a go on any knotty scientific conundrum. I went in thinking I shouldn't have kept this entire week of paranoia from him. I knew he would've been there for me, and probably would've had a supply of killer narcotics to deaden it. Although, just between me and you, I prefer to experience these things. But what? I don't want to be failing internally, if that's what it is!

Right away he was looking at my samples from a couple years ago and my samples this week, and he had an immediate verdict: My levels of Vigor Vivus were piss poor, with normal, large red Vigor Vivus being replaced over time by shrunken yellow piss poor Vigor Vivus. Almost so shrunken and yellow, he said, as to not even be Vigor Vivus, but its opposite, Rigor Mortis! I wanted to deny the science, but how could I? Dr. Pink's the expert.

Right away, I'm like, "You mean to tell me---?" Already he's nodding, a concerned look on his face heightened by the raising of hands pressed together, with the twin index fingers lightly touching the tip of his nose. He furrowed his brow and I knew I was in trouble. "With Vigor Vivus shrinkage like this," he said, "I'd be paranoid, too!" -- commiserating enough to tell me that I would've had a friend in misery had he shared the same deficiency.

He was silent a moment, leading me to tentatively venture a question, "So, this means---?" But before I could finish, he was already answering, "I'm putting you on bed rest and a strenuous exercise routine." I nodded, at that point willing to do anything to raise my levels. How often I've written* of Vigor Vivus! How could I not have thought of this! All this time it's been the grip of Rigor Mortis on me! Of course!

He wrote out a memo for the pharmacy, to give me this, that, and the other thing. Then I was to be out in the fresh air, the bright sunshine, walking, meditating, writing anti-paranoia manifestos, sending anonymous letters to the editor about making Vigor Vivus Day a national holiday, etc., stuff I used to do all the time.

I had let my better angels slip! I shared, then, with the doctor, that I was a little torn between Faith and Science. He nodded, and held up a finger, as though he would speak. Then he was silent, as though he was searching for just the right word. He caressed his lips with the thumb and index finger of his right hand. He reached his pinky into his ear to scratch. He also scratched the side of his head. Obviously itching to say something.

I primed his pump, "So I was wrong---" He interrupted to tell me, "Not so! Don't say such a thing! It's completely natural, with everything you hear in the news and popular culture, to be torn. Because they're nothing but idiots, serving only to pollute the air, so to speak, to muddy the discourse with their unceasing idiocy. The truth is, there is not the slightest split between Faith and Science."

I tilted my head, looking curious. He continued, "I am one of the preeminent men of science of my time, agreed? Of course. Frankly, there's no bigger bad ass than me when it comes to the laboratory and a quick diagnosis. I often forgo the lab, as I simply know the truth.

"How? you ask. Because I have crossed every divide, and now live in perfect harmony with all things, the so-called natural and the so-called divine. I share the omniscience of the yogis and oneness with the Divine, able to materialize palaces and laboratories -- you name it -- in thin air. Mere diagnoses are nothing!

"Now, the truth of this whole matter is, I knew about your paranoia before it happened. But I allowed it because I knew you needed to get yourself back on the right track with life and the things that concern you, as well as with Vigor Vivus and your spiritual life. You were once a fearless advocate against Rigor Mortis, but you've fallen.

"It was I who sent those peerless guides of the soul to be with you and help, Desi the Donkey and Sister St. Rita of Cascia. You knew of Desi's relation to the Redeemer, bearing Him, and the depths of St. Rita's sufferings, and the heights of her grace. Both she and Desi share the oneness of all things -- in every aspect of their being, which is eternal. They kept you from the very real dangers you faced. Ultimately, though, it was I who led you through this most perilous challenge."

I was of course dumbfounded, but Dr. Pink was every bit the serious scientist I've always known him to be. I ventured a word, "And so---" He interrupted to say, "Exactly! It was all for your good. Just like bed rest and a renewed focus on your personal Vigor Vivus will be good for you, just as I, the doctor, ordered!"

We hugged, both of us sobbing. I looked in his eyes and he in mine. In mine, he surely saw doubt and disbelief. In his, I saw the wheels turning; omniscience, while nice, is a relentless taskmaster. Of course I don't believe a word he said about arranging this. That's just megalomania, but I'll leave it there for now; I don't know enough on the subject yet, firsthand, to have a "Megalomania Week." But he was right about Vigor Vivus...

In conclusion, we made plans to get together, very soon, at the Roadhouse for beers and pool. Because he moved heaven and earth to get me in this mess, then moved them again to get me out of it, I'll be buying.

-----------------------------
*Click for a Vigor Vivus post with links to others

My Vigor Vivus Health Plan

You know me and my philosophy of life. I live by the principles of Vigor Vivus. Vigor Vivus is a term for the dynamic heart of life itself. It's opposite, which we so easily slip into, to our detriment, is Rigor Mortis, the static principle of death. Here's some of my exciting "teachings" on the subject:

The Dawn of Vigor Vivus
Teens Reject Rigor Mortis
Vigor Vivus -- I Command the World
Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus
Your Basic Problem is Rigor Mortis
Unveiling the March of Vigor Vivus
The Unremitting Shield of Vigor Vivus
Vigor Vivus at the Dentist
Teen Talk: Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus
Rigor Mortis Nix, Vigor Vivus Best Way
Bin Laden Mortis vs. Obama Vivus

I put "teachings" in quotes, because even though I myself believe it completely and live by it, for legal reasons I have to insist that the whole thing is "For Entertainment Purposes Only." But, you know, wink-wink, I recommend that you live by it, too. Although, again, for legal reasons, let me insist that you consult a trusted physician, or any old pay-as-you go quack will do just as well. By merely reading this blog post, you do solemnly swear, or affirm, that you will consult a doctor immediately, before believing a single word.

OK, all the legalese and lawyerly wrangling out of the way, Vigor Vivus is what we live by when we're in the fullness of life, but Rigor Mortis is death itself even in the midst of apparent life. I have known both, intimately. In fact, even for someone as immersed in these principles, it's still easy for me to slip into a Rigor Mortis state of mind. I hate to say it, but I feel like I've just recently come through a rather stormy place.

The inner clouds gathered, the inner sun was dimmed, the inner darkness thickened, inner lightning struck everywhere, and finally an inner tornado came and carried away much of my inner peace. It was only through the inner mobilization of an inner FEMA that I was able to eventually take refuge in an inner tent, then bit by bit rebuild a more permanent inner dwelling. But live and learn. I've reviewed the inner storm chasers' tapes, and vowed I shall never go through that again!

Immediately, I turned back to the principles of Vigor Vivus, once again putting Rigor Mortis to flight. I looked at myself and I didn't like what I saw. I was out of shape, a big problem. I wasn't eating right, I wasn't getting enough exercise, and I had my annual physical coming up in two month. Since I hate hearing my doctor tell me to do the right thing, I decided then and there, It's time! Vigor Vivus, don't fail me now!

This is all true, and, by the way, everything I do in life is strictly cold turkey. I quit eating all junk food, all deserts, ice cream, cake, Rice Krispies bars, wafer cookies, granola bars, potato chips, soda, etc. Instead, I've been eating oranges, bananas, eggs, veggies, peppers, grapes, hamburger, that sort of thing, and I've cut down on bread. No more bacon! All this has been a big help to me. But you know what it actually is? Having my mind on Vigor Vivus. That's how you do things cold turkey. You replace the thought processes of Rigor Mortis -- "I need this, I deserve that," even though it clearly leads to a type of death -- with the thought processes of Vigor Vivus: "I shall live the Vigor Vivus way!" (Remember, consult your local quack.)

Then I launched into an exercise program. I actually just now got back home and I'm sitting here still sweating. I joined a health club, so there I am huffing and puffing on the treadmill, lifting weights, pulling on various bars, laying on odd equipment with places to put your feet while you're doing ab crunches, etc. It's great, not just to see my own amazing physique (I'm down nine pounds), which I can do anytime, but to see the other sweating, grinding, beautiful writhing bodies all around me, some of them being extremely hot. I keep thinking, "Oh, to be 40 years younger! And not so adverse to STDs that I wouldn't touch another human being with a 10-foot pole!"

The exercise is great. And I'm sure you could make a case, however flimsy it might be, that it's chiefly the exercise and the diet that is helping me lose weight and regain my sense of well-being. I will grant you that these things are good, insofar as they go. But what you really need, behind it all, underlying the whole thing, is a philosophy, something you firmly believe, something that guides your thoughts and decisions. For me, that's the dynamic truth of Vigor Vivus!

I could go on, because I do other things that help keep me on track. Like feeding our feathered friends and watching their little antics. Natural activities, walking by the lake, meditation, spirituality. But you get the idea. No matter what it is, its benefits, it's all completely enlivened by fixing your mind on Vigor Vivus ... and letting Rigor Mortis, at long last, simply pass away...

The Dawn Of Vigor Vivus

That's a really fantastic graphic, isn't it? I told the guy I wanted explosions, planets, beams of ethereal light, shafts of light, or shards, streaking across the newborn virgin sky. Which is a lot to expect for 20 bucks. You might get a small planet and a couple shards for that, but he really went all out. He blew my mind with this one!

So, instead of getting right into it today, I want to offer big praise, sincere plaudits, and enthusiastic kudos, and plenty of them, to my friend Jake across town, who tinkers with computer effects, etc. He said it'd be 20 bucks an hour, which seemed a little high, but then he said it'd only take an hour, so I got off easy. Especially when I think, something like that had to take more than an hour!

But, and this is understandable, he said he also wanted to get his name out there, and have something for his portfolio. I told him I represented one of the larger, more popular blogs on the internet, which I believe is true, so please, if you're visiting today, back me up on this. Jake's a good guy and needs to be encouraged any way we can. If you can throw a few bucks his way, whether on one of your own projects or as a tip for the pleasure of seeing this particular graphic, please feel free.

Jake, you did good, buddy. So, get ready, I'm coming over for more. I'd love it, just as an example, if you could work me up a killer "Devil" graphic -- think you got it in you? Something that really conveys the real evil of Satan, yet belittles him... I've got a project in mind having to do with Satan (the personification of what I'm talking about) communicating the anti-spirit of Rigor Mortis, the opposite of Vigor Vivus. If you need any guidance on the particulars, get with me. Basically it needs to be 425 pixels wide like this one, and you've got carte blanche, if you can keep it around 20 bucks again.

OK, without any further ado, and no further kissing up to sensitive artist types, let's get right to it ...

THE DAWN OF VIGOR VIVUS

(You can read my other great posts on "Vigor Vivus versus Rigor Mortis" at the link just given.)

Let me take you back to the olden days -- the really, really olden days -- back before there was anything except however you might conceptualize Pure Spirit/Mind and potentiality without limits. Are you game?

Like in the Tao Te Ching, there was really nothing, nothing differentiated, but all was one. Somewhere in that miniscule, yet infinite vastness, lay the spores of everything we now know and beyond. Picasso was in there, as well as Jesus Christ, Einstein, the Grandma Slump blog, Leonardo da Vinci, Buddha, Lao Te Tsu, Elvis Presley, Martin Luther King, Jr., love, and the 7th Billion Baby, just born the other day. Tao was unruffled.

In there as well, on the negative side, was the Republican party, Satan, all the jinns, the Oakland Police Department, Pol Pot, Milli Vanilli, scurvy, rickets, fundamentalism, jaundice, the Black Plague, increases in the price of stamps, spam, Walmart, and chick flicks. And once again, Tao was unruffled.

Then, according to Jake's great vision above, fulfilling my own brief instructions for him, everything erupted. You might call it a cataclysm, but I like to think it looked more like a gentle scene from a really cool ballet, a pastoral ballet if there is such a thing. The planets seethed and tugged at each other, but it was all good, like it says in the Bible. Shafts of light zoomed around, bowing to one another. God was pleased, being that Spirit of life-fulfillment at the heart of it, the play (lila) of the Hindus. And whatever James Joyce meant by "the excelsissimost empyrean (bolt, in sum) earthspake," that occurred. It was a stunner. And there was a half hour's silence in heaven, for the Divine to catch its breath (Spirit).

Here, then, my friends, is what the spirit of life had, has, and offers today: VIGOR VIVUS, life vigorously present and lived, the true life, what each of us needs for our own perfect fulfillment. All the possibilities are present for you. Yes, Tao was unruffled, but that doesn't mean there wasn't a positive, purposeful side, and a negative, destructive side. The negative is RIGOR MORTIS, death present as well, taking the fullness away and leaving you destitute and empty.

So, you see, it goes back to the very beginning, the life you and I are meant to live, the life of VIGOR VIVUS, then and now. But RIGOR MORTIS is always here as well, not to be denied, but not to submit to either. What was true in the beginning is now and ever shall be. The good and the bad. Which will you choose? I hope you fulfill all your personal potential by embracing the life-affirming values inherent in eternal VIGOR VIVUS. Please, get up off your ass and do it! Don't let another day go by! Let the words of Frank N. Furter be your guide, "Don't dream it, be it!"

OK, Jake, yes, go for it! Get me the "Devil" graphic ASAP. I'll raise the 20 bucks somehow. The cornier the better, horns, weird tail, and pitchfork. I wanted the Vigor Vivus graphic classy, but I want the Rigor Mortis one ridiculous. Stereotypical and hackneyed is OK, thanks. 425 pixels.

Vigor Vivus -- I Command The World

It's quite a confession, to hear me confess that, yes, I have my moments of doubt and fear. Today, my friends -- yea, even today -- I was feeling at odds with life and its limits. I was looking down. And when I say I was looking down, I mean I was sitting in a chair, my legs sort of spread, and my head literally hung low. But, as it always goes, I can't look down very long without feeling self conscious about it. Then I start picturing how I must look, and whether it would make a compelling, soul-tugging photograph if a true artist (besides myself) were on the scene to document it.

You can see what's happening there. That's the beginning of awareness, the beginning of turning the thing around. I can't be down for a few minutes -- hours, tops -- without finding myself and my way up in an instant. As I sat stewing, then coming to this realization, two words came to my mind with an incredible force, and you probably know what those two words were: VIGOR VIVUS. I've written extensively about Vigor Vivus, as you can read at this link.

That's the way it works. The mind rises up and conquers. The heart overflows with Vigor Vivus, overcoming Rigor Mortis without mercy and sending it packing. Permit me, if you will -- it might do you some good -- to describe the physical sensation of Vigor Vivus taking my side, what happens mentally and spiritually. I envision the dynamism of the term itself, with the VVs almost flashing before my eyes, not up here in the immediate awareness, but somewhere deeper, a more essential center. Of course, there's nothing about the literal letters, but the spirit of the thing is obviously spells itself out in a way I'm familiar with.

It's the flash of memory that makes the difference, as well as the commitments I've made to myself and my philosophy. Past is prologue. If it's done me a ton of good in the past -- to overcome the despondent, dessicated, withered spirit of Rigor Mortis -- then I'm not about to turn my back on it now. That's my testimony and that's my trust. Life is too good for me to wither up and blow away. I shall not be despondent for long; the spirit's working overtime in me.

OK, so there I am, in the chair, envisioning the dynamism of the term itself, with the spirit of the thing rising up in me, and this becomes a process, a physical force, that builds on itself. The more you experience it, the more you must experience it, if you will just get out of your own way. Suddenly the hands clench. The eyes open wide.

It's like a professional wrestler when he's had enough being pounded. It thrills me to say it! Up till now, he's been in a scissors lock, the other guy's had him in a vise grip. Then the other guy has him in a sleeper hold and is busy rubbing his temples till they're raw. Then the other guy's pounding him with a folding chair. Finally, he's going for the motorcycle chain in his trunks, and this is going to be it, when our wrestler suddenly comes to. He flashes with the awareness of his true strength. He sees his predicament and quickly turns it around. He's up! He makes a few quick stomps around the ring, they alternate several crisscrosses in the ring, then there's a killer clothesline and a quick pin! His hands are over his head! He's victorious! The crowd goes wild!

The truth of the matter is this: I command the world through the spirit of Vigor Vivus, another term for the abundance of life that is at the heart of life itself. If you don't know it, try it. You, too, can command the world. The problem for so many of us is that we allow the spirit of Rigor Mortis -- death while we live -- to prevail. Because in general we don't know, so we can't prevail. We may think it's theoretically possible. If we were to pray, meditate, and whip ourselves till we were black and blue, maybe five years, 10 years, then we might be one inch closer to fulfillment...

No! The fulfillment is now, here and now. Through the power of this great philosophy, Vigor Vivus. Consider yourself alive today, now. Vigor Vivus is the opposite of Rigor Mortis, meaning life in abundance. The term describes life in its essential greatness, as life indeed.

Let the spirit of life rise up in you and you shall prevail. Turn from Rigor Mortis immediately, here and now, then never go back.

Vigor Vivus At The Dentist

Something's apparently off with my karma, necessitating two trips to the dentist in less than two weeks. Thankfully, barring a smack to the mouth from some jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, my next appointment isn't till January.

My last appointment was an ordinary cleaning. The teeth in the picture aren't actually mine. I wish they were. But I'm old and my teeth are not good. But I keep up the good fight by going to the dentist. It's unfortunate I didn't have that same resolve for close to 20 years, a big gap of time in which a lot of bad things can happen.

Now, though, I'm regular, and I'm doing what I can to keep things patched up, so there was the cleaning a couple weeks ago, then a few fillings today. Four to be exact. I went in thinking it was going to be two, so right away I saw the opportunity for a bad mood before me. But I pushed it aside, feeling that it wouldn't do any good. If the dentist wanted to do four instead of two, so be it.

It's the next bit that has to be the most excruciating and the most fascinating. I have to be honest, I hate the whole process of sitting there with the wedge between the back teeth, the mirror, the fingers, the drills, the suction, and whatever else there may be, in my mouth. Oh yes, the syringes! I hate them either most of all or equal to the drills.

I have this thing about the spiritual life that it's supposed to be very close and real, so I'm halfway depending on that to get me through. But it also causes me anxiety, because I'm also halfway afraid that I'm going to have a major spiritual melt-up -- from the base of the spine to the top of the head -- go nuts, and end up with a drill sticking out my eye, or a syringe. Because of the intensity of those things, and the fact that there's no telling what buttons they might be pushing, in addition to what my psychology is suggesting. When it comes to chakras, they're subtle, but I think that about anything you imagine can have a true aspect to it. It's dangerous.

So I have that going on -- and my other thing is the great philosophy of Vigor Vivus versus Rigor Mortis. In fact, I use my philosophy of Vigor Vivus not just in conjunction with the spiritual life but also as a safeguard against it interfering with the dentist's work and my safety. Because, and I probably don't have to tell you, the thought behind Vigor Vivus is more of an earthy, everyman philosophy, so it's more helpful in our day to day affairs. It can guide us in everything, from business to dating.

Just to catch everyone up, I have multiple posts on Vigor Vivus versus Rigor Mortis. The basic thing about VV and RM is that they are ways of thinking that ultimately have to do with your quality of life. VV is that boisterous sense of abundance welling up inside, most in line with nature at its fundamental level, and with it you have confidence, boldness, self esteem, and other similar qualities. Its opposite, RM, is what guides a lot of people's thinking -- too many! -- and that's akin to being dead while you're alive. You're drawn up, tight, lacking confidence, dreading the day, pessimistic, and, really, not giving yourself credit for anything. There's no real sense to RM, but it's an easy snare to fall into.

Like I said, Vigor Vivus is more in line with nature, but there's many reasons why we don't walk in it. One, I guess, we seem to think we've gone beyond nature! How about that?! Two, we're not looking on the bright side, we have bad habits in our thinking, and it gets worse the longer we dwell in it. That's the place of Rigor Mortis, giving our life and opportunity over to death. I know how it goes, because like most people, I've been there plenty of times in my life. And sitting in the chair at the dentist, with the wedge in your mouth, the suction making me gag, and all the rest, I know Rigor Mortis still has a few suggestions for me!

But my response is to consciously choose Vigor Vivus. I say to myself, "Vigor Vivus will be my way!" I remind myself who I am, the life of abundance I know, etc., and I try to enjoy even those moments in the dentist's chair as much as I can. I think about the needle going in -- and of course the pain is deadened, but still you can sometimes sense the flow of liquid and you know any little move could be dangerous -- and I remind myself, This also is an experience in life! And it's intense, and very concentrated! Vivid, even! Sure, I want to be out of this chair and in my car going home, but I choose to experience this as part of my good life as well!

Oh, one of the fillings was on a wisdom tooth. And the Cosmic Father/Mother in His/Her infinite wisdom chose not to put a hatch on each side of our face. So they're hard to get to. Then He/She chose the placement of these teeth to be right in line with the bones leading to our ears, meaning the drill sounds like it's going to come through the back side of your eardrum. I'm thrashing about with my legs while keeping my mouth perfectly still, I'm as uncomfortable as can be, it's crazy time, but I'm reminding myself ... Vigor Vivus, Vigor Vivus, Vigor Vivus...

After it's all said and done, I stand up and thank the team -- the dentist and the able assistants -- for a job well done. There's high fives all around, and plans to do it all again someday. I get the bill, start to mutter, then repeat internally, "Vigor Vivus, Vigor Vivus..." and gladly pay it.

Unveiling The March Of Vigor Vivus

Today, I'm unveiling this stunning new graphic that I'll be using to promote a series of talks I plan to give on "The March of Vigor Vivus," as I teach some of the principles of life in abundance. You've been following my posts on Vigor Vivus vs. Rigor Mortis, and so you've had the first taste (and a free one at that) of this exciting new teaching. As you recall, Rigor Mortis is the life of death, submitting ourselves to lack and limits, not really living. But Vigor Vivus is its exciting opposite, claiming the fulness of life as yours here and now and forever!

Just a word on the above graphic. Most of the graphics I feature on this blog are things I myself have come up with. But thanks to me making around $1,000 on Google Ads (with my other blogs, since there's no advertising on Grandma Slump), I decided to go with a professional graphics house. And this is what they came up with. I told them I had $1,000 to spend and, by some weird coincidence, that's what it came in as.

I said I wanted something that conveyed the sense of Vigor Vivus being something on the march, and with that to make it colorful and exciting. Of course I supplied the slogan "We Reject Rigor Mortis," but they somehow came up with the inspired "Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom" all on their own. In my opinion, they completely nailed it, with the bandleader or drum major guy being just perfect for the concept. After all, who in the band, who on the football field, gets out front as much or kicks as much as him? The rest of the band is concentrating on their music, ever staring down at the little pages, basically navel-gazing, but not the major. He's the showman of the group, whistling and thrusting his stick every which way. It's great to watch.

The graphic, I plan to use it on posters. They gave me something of a licensing deal. The graphics place has some connection -- the same owner -- with a photo studio, like where they do people's portraits. And if you're familiar with their policies, you know that when you buy pictures from them they still own the copyright, and actually it's for a whole 75 years! So, just because you bought the pictures, you don't really own them. You simply get the rights to look at the prints, but on the bright side you can look at them to your heart's content. You just can't do anything else with them. So it is with this graphic. I am allowed to use it on posters advertising my talks but nothing else. Technically, even putting it on the blog I'm in violation, so maybe if you really like it, you'd better print off a copy, because it might be gone by morning.

As to how hard and fast the 75 year copyright is, it's anyone's guess. I figure the guy will be dead by then, probably in 50 years, meaning, if I'm still alive, I can do anything I want with it! Here's something to think about. I went and had my senior pictures taken before I graduated. But I didn't buy the pictures. So I got nothing. Then some decades later the photo place went out of business. But they asked what they should do with all the accumulated pictures of the years. The truth is, they called people's parents, then sent out all the negatives and proofs, whatever they had, for free. Meaning, I ended up with the original negatives. The lesson there, if you wait 25-30 years, you might get them free!

Anyway, I'm planning -- it's all in the planning stage -- to get out in the community and give a series of talks on Vigor Vivus vs. Rigor Mortis -- with the overall theme being "The March of Vigor Vivus." I'm assuming I'll be looking at interested groups like the Lions Club, the Rotary, the Moose lodge, the Oddfellows, the Masons, the Boy and Girl Scouts, the Teacher's Union, funeral homes, Sunday School classes, and so forth.

Because I've got the spirit of Vigor Vivus! That's the life I live, the life I choose to live! Vigor Vivus marches on in my life! I have rejected Rigor Mortis once and for all! For me, my mentality is firmly entrenched, with life in all its fulness being my daily possession and passion. Everything I do, I do in the enlivening spirit of Vigor Vivus. I allow Rigor Mortis a place not for a second!

As to giving the talks, that might be a little tricky, because, if truth be known, I'm something of a shy introvert. I'm not a ball of fire. I get stage fright, sad but true. I can see myself being very nervous. I'm very withdrawn. It seriously might be that I'll have to sit behind a curtain so they can't see me. Then I'll be sitting at a desk, reading my prepared remarks. I'm also very sensitive. So there's the danger that if anyone grouses about the arrangements I might just call the whole thing off. Or if I hear anyone snickering, or too much coughing, or other people talking, etc., I might completely lose my cool. But if I do, at least I'm behind a curtain, and if it gets real bad, I can just disappear out the back and leave.

The key thing is not my many hangups, but the spirit of life that indwells and motivates me, giving me the great gift of life in its fullest abundance, the life of Vigor Vivus ... Vigor Vivus, it marches on, ta-ra-ra boom!

The Unremitting Shield Of Vigor Vivus

That's a beautiful emblem for Vigor Vivus; it looks like something you might see on a shirt tag. My own line of clothing. Two pipe-smoking lions advocating for the abundance of life. And they've certainly got the lift in their step for the spirit of it.

Simply as a specimen of signage, it's a beautiful thing. You've got the old world traditions -- the symmetry of two guardian animals -- along with the straight baseline so typical of more modern designs. And as for the words featured, "Vigor Vivus," that's timeless, with a hint of immortality. Really, who wouldn't gather around eternal life ... the attitude of continuous, good, fulfilled life lived absolutely to the limit?

I'd like to thank the nameless designers of this basic emblem -- this shield -- for it's not actually something I came up with. It's from the past, from at least 60 years ago, and perhaps, I don't know, at that time was already being copied from some old, proud family coat of arms. Isn't that the way coats of arms normally go? Lots of animals facing one another, pipes or no pipes?

As for the words "Vigor Vivus," I'm afraid you have me to credit for that. My mission in the world, were it not for the fact that I'm not ready to go, would be over with the naming of the spirit of life. It's very exhilarating for me, yet also something humbling, to think that "Vigor Vivus" was not yet named, although of course it has been the spirit of seers, mystics, gurus, and saviors since the dawn of time, sometime after Adam. They have lived the good life -- overcoming Rigor Mortis, seeing and understanding death, but living in such a way that they could mentally and spiritually soar above it.

And so Vigor Vivus goes on today. A whole new generation of beautiful people are out there living the spirit of Vigor Vivus. Rigor Mortis is not their way. The big difference for them is that they have a term for it, a perfectly descriptive, catchy, succinct moniker that says it all, Vigor Vivus. As opposed to Rigor Mortis. It's beautiful, and now, with the term -- how great this is! -- there's an emblem to go with it! We've got the best of every world! We stand at the dawn of the actual New Age! (Not just the term "new age" they use to sell crappy music supposedly channeled from archangels, and other worthless trinkets.)

This is a fab-tas-tacular emblem -- an unremitting shield -- and one I'm glad I stumbled on to. The spirit of Vigor Vivus is very proud. Very, very proud!

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Get into the spirit of Vigor Vivus yourself, turning from Rigor Mortis. My Vigor Vivus posts can be found here.

Rigor Mortis Nix, Vigor Vivus Best Way

My discovery of Rigor Mortis vs. Vigor Vivus has been an important one for our understanding, giving us a new framework for looking at the eternal tussle between Death and Life. We've tended to look at them as external, the given conditions of existence, and not as something to be existentially engaged in internally or in our daily experience. But restating them as Rigor Mortis and Vigor Vivus has given us that deeper understanding.

That's certainly been true in my own thinking. In the last few weeks I've done my level-best to keep my mind focused in the Vigor Vivus way, always enjoying and appreciating life, thankful for each breath, my sleep, my waking, showers, meals, and even appreciating the things that I wouldn't ordinarily like, like checking mousetraps, mowing the yard, or coughing. I said I'm doing my level-best, meaning sometimes I, like anyone, sometimes forget. Then I see the creeping vines and tendrils of Rigor Mortis crawling up and beginning to entangle me, working up my legs, and immediately it hits me, get back to Vigor Vivus!

The greatest sorrow I have is for everyone else out there who don't even have the first glimmerings of this realization, because I know it has to be in the millions. Their psyches are so ensnared, so overgrown with the presence of Rigor Mortis, it's only with the bitterest struggle that they can live at all. They think, What's the use? And yet something -- I'd call it the divine gift of Vigor Vivus in spite of it all -- impels them forward. How much better would it be were they to know the focus, the full experience of Vigor Vivus and its very present victory (transcendence) over Rigor Mortis!

There used to be a cartoon that I'd see, of two donkeys roped together, each pulling the opposite direction, trying to get to piles of hay on each end. At first they couldn't figure out what was wrong. The harder I pull, the same distance I keep getting to the hay. Then suddenly a light goes on over each head. Their thinking changes: If we work together we can each eat from the two piles of hay, netting between us the equivalent of one pile each. And so it works out, they eat and are filled!

The moral of the story, of course, is that life is a lot like that. There's something we want (in this case the fruits of Vigor Vivus, the best life) but we're doing something wrong, we're not getting there. Then a light suddenly goes on over our head -- we've got an idea! -- and we realize, I've been dwelling in Rigor Mortis far too long. Why not find the Vigor Vivus pile and eat from it? The bread of life is given from heaven, if we choose to share in it, and that is the simple truth of the matter.

Like the two donkeys, you and I are in the same boat. I'm not just teaching you, I'm reminding myself of the problem and the solution. Because I myself, admittedly, can be pulling the wrong direction, can be trying to eat the piles I can't reach, just like anyone. Then I see what it is I'm striving for, the piles of Rigor Mortis, the ways of Death, that will never satisfy. But aren't our desires funny like that! It's at that point that I turn and look for Vigor Vivus. And, yes, maybe the piles of Vigor Vivus aren't always perfectly labeled, but in part the problem is simply our inability to see. Because they're there!

Even the brute animal knows, Rigor Mortis (Nix), Vigor Vivus (The Best Way.)

Your Basic Problem Is Rigor Mortis

It seems like more and more my purpose in life is to diagnose what's wrong with other people. I've been doing it ever since I hit on the secrets of Vigor Vivus and Rigor Mortis. And it looks like it will continue and even expand, as the population in general seeks out this wisdom.

It's fascinating, really, that with a few crystallizing realizations of my own that I was able to reduce the problems of life to these two terms. But think about it, it makes sense. I've been lying awake many a night thinking about the issue, and I hope it's not too arrogant to say it, but it turns out I'm right. Your goal is what Vigor Vivus can give you, but the basic problem in your way is Rigor Mortis.

Just to review our terms, as if they're not clear enough on the face, Rigor Mortis speaks of the life of death, limited possibilities, stifled potential, in short, the mental, physical, and spiritual doldrums. Everything you come up against is a brick wall. Happiness is thwarted, unless it's a glimpse of happiness just to raise your hopes. Happiness is definitely limited -- why? -- because you have limited yourself by yielding to Rigor Mortis. It's a vicious cycle, one that builds on itself with increased viciousness. Pretty soon there's no way out. You're like a hamster on the wheel, going no where, but because you're not really a hamster -- one of life's stupidest animals -- it causes you abject misery.

But that doesn't mean Vigor Vivus doesn't exist, even if it's just always out of your reach. Because it does exist. How do I know? I'm living it right now! Everyday's a gift, I'm on top of the world, there's no downhill, everything's oriented for my satisfaction, it's a laugh a minute, I'm in life's embrace, the sun's always shining, mosquitoes all live somewhere else, and I'm always the one domino left standing. If there's ever anything in my way, and there's not usually, I have the mental, physical, and spiritual tools to hack through it instantly. I'm always right in the sweet spot, never a variance.

How did this come about for me? That's a story in and of itself! But basically I guess it's just a blessing. The secret fell in my lap. Yes, I was seeking it out, through my intentions and my outlook. It's hard to describe. But just to say I'm one with the loving God in every dot, every molecule, I guess that'd have something to do with it. Is there ever a wrinkle? Yes, plenty. A cough? Many. A periodic flat tire, an attack by enemies, and a shed burning? Yes, of course, like everyone. But the spirit and truth of Vigor Vivus is always in my view, and ever shall be. I can look ahead and see myself hacking up blood, the doctor's talking to my family in hushed tones, and I'll put up my finger to say, "Shh! Vigor Vivus is mine! I am the Way, the Truth, and the Vigor Vivus."

Good God, I feel like stomping, especially when I reread that about "every dot, every molecule." It hits me all of a sudden, the unity of life, despite my sometimes-wayward ego getting in the way. I was out to eat today, and feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't know exactly why that happens. There's something about self-consciousness that it creeps up on me. Then I start thinking I'm the only one with this affliction -- I look over and see a couple women talking and very comfortable, then a guy coming up for a hug, very comfortable, then another woman in the coolest pants looking extremely comfortable even as she's searching for her car, then another person, and on and on. Leaving me the only one with this uncomfortable feeling. Of course you know what I did, I thought, "Vigor Vivus, every dot, every molecule," or words to that effect, and then I was stomping with the best of them.

Does that mean that all these other folks had Vigor Vivus? I don't think it means that, but without a personal interview I'm not really in a position to judge. It did occur to me, the question of how many people have it and how many don't. But, again, I'm no judge. Suffice it to say, I have the suspicion that there's a lot of people out there suffering with and entrapped in a "life" of Rigor Mortis. Which is sad, tough to contemplate.

Big Words I Know

That's true, big words I know. "Rigor Mortis" and "Vigor Vivus" are big words, terms I know and use regularly.

And I feel great knowing them. I've found that exercising my brain with big words like this gives me even greater brain capacity, making my feat an everyday thing for me. In fact, to me at this point, it's trivial.

Using the words (or terms) is one thing, praiseworthy in itself, but really knowing the concepts behind the terms is the critical thing, and that's where I really shine. I know all about Rigor Mortis and Vigor Vivus, just to use this example. Rigor Mortis is death thinking, yielding to death as a way of life, and Vigor Vivus is life thinking, living life to the fullest, being vigorously alive.

How did it happen for me? They put me in school at a very early age, 5. My love of learning wasn't even that great. I guess I was content knowing the little I knew up till then. But still, by repetition and years of having to go, I managed to at least absorb something of what they were saying, however boring it may have been.

I suppose anyone could do what I've done. If you're not an infant or in a coma. The challenge would be too great for infants and coma victims, at least that's my guess. But the rest of you -- currently stumbling around in darkness, ignorance, hopelessness, and pessimism -- could probably chin up a little and set your mind on knowledge. I myself am not all that optimistic, because I see how dumb others are.

Sometimes I wonder how'd we get vast libraries and universities if everyone's so dumb. The answer is, years ago people were smarter. But who today are the dunces going to them if they're really so mentally dull? That's something to think about.

Just among my first guesses would be even the dimmest man has some ascendant instincts. Even in the worst hopelessness, at some obscure level there's every now and then, like five seconds when the night is pitchest black, a random spark. A disconnected wire flares up, jumps, and goes, "Zitz." The man arouses, has an inkling of an idea, than immediately loses it and goes back to diddling his lips and making a bubbling noise. You've heard of Fox News?

Anyway, you get enough of these random sparks -- it might take a million mornings and nights -- and pretty soon he's learning the ABCs and is beginning to sound out simple words like CAT and ERECTOR SET. This is no failure, this is glorious success.

How it came to be that I alone was spared this misery and became so smart, I was very careful with my opportunities. I too looked at and considered eating paint chips, playing video games, and availing myself of easy albeit disease-ridden sexual experiences. But some innate sense of restraint I had -- call it a good upbringing -- told me, warned me that that path, the broad way, led to destruction. So instead, I sat glancing at books now and then, and the rest of the time I sat contemplatively, digesting the words I'd read, and engaging myself in independent thought.

It wasn't till several years, 20-25 years, of this activity -- I was like an intellectual Rip Van Winkle -- that I peeked out the window and noticed that everyone looked like dullard stragglers. I went to the local library and they had big stacks of books in the bathroom for toilet paper. It was a post-apocalyptic scene, which I was able to recognize because everyone looked dirty and disheveled -- and a few guys were wearing those scruffy gloves without finger ends.

A couple of them came up and grunted a few noises. I thought if I were an aural sculptor -- like one of those imaginative dreamers on ghost-hunting shows, who are able with a few hisses and cracks to discern words and whole sentences -- I could make sense out of this throat litter. I replied in kind, not wanting to come across as an aristocrat, as though they'd know what that meant.

Of course, lest I lose my superior abilities -- I got the heck out of there as fast as possible, went to a room by myself, and spent some time enjoying my own knowledge. I'm pretty good company, if I do say so myself, certainly better than my fellow man, although if I need someone to pick bugs off my back and eat them, at least I know where to look.

It's hard to know what to do next. I'll probably continue to read and learn more big words. My mind is like a sponge -- a lot like a sponge -- attracted to smart stuff.

Bin Laden Mortis Vs. Obama Vivus

Let's review the facts concerning Rigor Mortis vs Vigor Vivus. There's no contest, with Rigor Mortis begging off, "No mas..." Vigor Vivus stomps around the ring, taunting his unworthy opponent, "Get up! Get up! Get up!" With the crowd in throaty response, "USA! USA! USA!"

We've seen in the breaking news of the last few days this exact match up being played out on the international stage. We've witnessed the turn of historic events, with Osama bin Laden being brought down like the Towers he attacked so long ago. It was justice in its rawest form, the big, bad, mighty terrorist getting a taste of his own medicine -- How About Them Bullets?! To the face, to the chest! Not so powerful now, are ya?! LOL!

It's true, pure and simply true, Osama bin Laden lived for death, meaning he had to taste death in an ignoble way, with our finest Navy SEALS putting the deathly kibosh on him and his best laid plans. Am I sorry to see the son of a bitch go? Don't count on it! LOL. I seriously would've loved to see it myself, say I was hidden safely behind a big pane of bulletproof glass, with a safe egress out the back way, somehow avoiding all danger. I could've been the government's civilian witness, fist-pumping my way out of there on the helicopter, and holding the bloody bullet that went through his left eye which the SEALS plucked from the wall and gave me as a souvenir.

I would present that bullet here as a living witness to the ways of Rigor Mortis, the life of death, lived out in its most miserable display, the life of these scurvy, piss-ant terrorists. If I had a roomful of them, and knew they were guilty of heinous offenses, I'd love to flip the switch on each one. Let them sizzle, let them fry, and say, "You lived the life of Rigor Mortis, rejecting the ways of Vigor Vivus (true life in its most vigorous spirit), and now you must receive your own, the death you have so craved!"

The biggest trouble with bin Laden's death, in my Vigor Vivus opinion, is that it took so long. The day that son of a bitch took credit for 9/11 was the day of his death. Should've been. But we had a bunch of foolhardy Rigor Mortis leaders here in the United States, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and the rest of their whole life-denying, anti-Vigor Vivus crew. Even the good guys (Colin Powell) succumbed to the Rigor Mortis way, at least temporarily, when he lied his socks off at the United Nations. So naturally they didn't catch bin Laden.

Remember right at the beginning of the Afghanistan war. We had bin Laden trapped in a Rigor Mortis cave called Tora Bora. And Geraldo Rivera was standing right outside, saying it was a matter of hours before they'd haul him out. Well, hours became years, and George Bush and his Rigor Mortis team squandered the whole thing, screwed up, fucked up, and let us down. The only time they cared JACK about their Rigor Mortis buddy bin Laden was when they could score electoral points by boogy-manning the nation. So we had the Red Alert, Orange Alert, Idiot Alert, whatever it was called, and, in a decidedly Rigor Mortis move, they had us duct-taping ourselves in our homes. I still know Rigor Mortis families who haven't come out of their duct-taped room. They're probably dead by now, in actuality, sadly.

Well, enough about Bush, Cheney, and the rest of the death-cravers. They were worthless for our nation and the world, and probably set us back a century. To think anyone was filled with enough Rigor Mortis to vote for these Anti-Saints of the Walking Dead is beyond me. But of course I'm filled with Vigor Vivus. Death has no grip on me or my spirit. I'm an American in the truest sense of the word, Vigor Vivus all the way!

And that's why I'm so happy that we now have a President with a Spine of Steel, a Brain of Pure Intellect, and a Heart of Gold to lead us. He is a constant inspiration to me, and I believe I can speak for the world, for the world. The man has leadership skills that no Republican has ever known. And don't get me started on Ronald Reagan, the Rigor Mortis party's sainted knight. I was an adult and alive -- and full of Vigor Vivus -- in the days of Ronald Reagan. That man sucked royally as president at the time, and no amount of Rigor Mortis revisionism is going to rehabilitate (or habilitate in the first place) that loser. Never! Whether he was the Antichrist or not, I'm revising my take on that, but if not, they were at least on a first name basis.

Today we are fortunate enough to have a Vigor Vivus president indeed, President Barack H. Obama, who truly does have a Vigor Vivus heart of gold. And that's how he was able to take on Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice, or take justice to him. It was methodical, rigorous, the training was done, the intelligence was real, they had it down in a precise way, with coordinates you could depend on, they anticipated problems and planned for alternatives, they kept it under wraps, and they executed it to perfection. It was brains and brawn from the top right down to the heroes who had boots on the ground, putting a gun in bin Laden's Rigor Mortis face.

That's what happens, my friends, when Vigor Vivus is unleashed in the face of Rigor Mortis. You know Bush couldn't have done it. Too many screw-ups when you don't start with an actual brain. And if you've got Rigor Mortis yourself as your driving instinct, it's tough to kill Rigor Mortis. Did they get Saddam Hussein? Yes, he was in a particular place, with no Army, Navy, Air Force, Pea Shooters, WMD, nothing. Everything evaporated as soon as we went in. It was a matter of looking for the right hole and pulling him out. And I give credit to our heroes on the ground, who did it bravely despite the fact that the Commander-in-Chief at the time was Rigor Mortis incarnate.

We look at Barack Obama and we stand in awe at his Vigor Vivus spirit, his Vigor Vivus drive, and his Vigor Vivus heart. Rigor Mortis can't stand up to Vigor Vivus, and so bin Laden's days were numbered. Obama went into the Situation Room, and sat there pulling the strings, working his magic, and bringing forth the better angels (key to Vigor Vivus outcomes). The USA was back, baby! Vigor Vivus once again had its way and saw its day!

The thought of those bullets going into bin Laden's chest and left eye ... I'd love to slow the film down, like on one of those Science Channel videos, where you can see the water balloon exploding all around its circumference stretched out over eight to 10 seconds. A bullet touches the perimeter, then makes its eight to 10 second journey through the heart of that wet space, emerging out the other side. The balloon goes completely haywire, and the water's beside itself: "Do I fall, do I drain? What?!" To see, especially, the bullet going into bin Laden's left eye like that, in slow motion, with the still-forming look of painful contortion on his face, then emerging out the back and embedding itself in the wall, what a beautiful, wonderful sight that'd be!

And to know that Vigor Vivus has won again! Hallelujah! I would stand behind the bulletproof glass cheering, and that is why the SEAL would take the extra time to pick it out of the plaster and give it to me. Because he would know the man who was on the side of Vigor Vivus all the while, me. Me and Barack Obama.

If Barack Obama isn't reelected in a landslide, we'll know that to a certain extent, Rigor Mortis has still got a grip on our nation. That's what the Rigor Mortis Republicans hope for. But if it turns out as I fully expect, that he gets close to 100% of the vote, we will know that Vigor Vivus is staking out a New Day, giving us the Next American Century, a century in which Vigor Vivus will fully blossom and be shared, not just internationally but around the world.

Teens Reject Rigor Mortis

Rejection never felt so good! But today it was heavenly, as I personally witnessed a roomful of teenagers reject the Rigor Mortis lifestyle for that of Vigor Vivus.

I was nervous going in, knowing I had the truth but not knowing how they would respond. The way I remember teenagers -- and maybe it's mostly my imagination -- they're a bunch of idiots who will reject anything good for them in favor of the detrimental. But I was pleasantly surprised to see them give rapt attention to my teachings and celebrated the good choices they made.

This was a Sunday School class, I should say that going in, because of course in Sunday School you're going to get the kids who are more likely to seek the good. They're not just hanging around on street corners, cigarettes rolled up in their T-shirt sleeve, spitting in gutters, and breaking windows. They've already got enough idealism in them that you can have hope for the future, not like the kids I've seen standing in front of the tattoo shop, one leg up against the building, sunken chests, bloodshot eyes, dumb grins, yellow fingers, who run like scared cats any time an adult approaches them.

If it weren't for the Vigor Vivus lifestyle -- the life of confidence, optimism, believing in yourself and higher things, and rejecting the difficulties of the Rigor Mortis way -- I might very well find myself filled with despair, I'm sure I would. If you can overcome that, you're miles ahead of the rest. Of course I still have a great deal of sense. If it were a matter of trapping some of these teenagers at the tattoo shop and trying to deprogram them, I'd naturally want to use every means of preventing the spread of infectious disease. They'd have to be clinically deloused and scanned with one of those black lights that reveals germs.

Fortunately, the kids at church have been raised in a more proper way. Their parents aren't wolves in the forest, running wild and fighting over a piece of raw meat. They're not ferreting through public ashtrays looking for half-smoked ciggies. They're not rocking ATMs. Instead, they're responsible, taking care of their families, budgeting, and shunning evil. That's the way I was raised, and, look, I turned out pretty darned good, if I do say so myself. I shudder when I think how it might've been if I'd been raised by these losers, I'd definitely be living the Rigor Mortis lifestyle. I'd probably be in prison, where I would belong.

But we're trying to turn out good kids. It's the best thing. It's the only Vigor Vivus choice!

So today my report is that Sunday School went great. I opened with the thing about the zombies, staggering around in Rigor Mortis, and I explained, like I said I would, that there are a lot of "dead men walking." I used the example of Adam and Eve, just like I said I would, and we were off. All that, of course, constitutes Rigor Mortis, springing out of the choices we make and what we settle for. I got them to name names, too, kids they knew from school or the neighborhood who are into Rigor Mortis. I jostled their memory by specifically mentioning the tattoo shop, as above, and that brought out a few knowing chuckles.

It was at this point that a couple of boys in the back thought they would do some cutting up. They used some phrases and language that indicated that they thought that lifestyle was pretty cool. I looked out and saw some other smiles and knew that if I didn't stanch it right there, the others would slide off the deep end. I looked at them with a stern look, yet one that was filled with compassion; I had direct eye contact, and that always makes a recalcitrant little squirt squirm. No smile, just a compassionate sternness. I said that was the way of death, the way of Rigor Mortis, but we have a better option, which, to get them on my side I said, "Most of you are following it, even if you don't realize it," the way of Vigor Vivus. A little praise primes the pump.

Not to rehash every single point, I made the points about Vigor Vivus from my blog, and held up some pictures of well-known athletes. While not endorsing everything about their lifestyles -- especially Tiger Woods -- I said there were indicators, sometimes fleeting, of Vigor Vivus in their lives. Such as the confidence to get things done, the wherewithal to stick to a task, the alertness, drive, optimism, etc. You can see I'm excited, that's why I'm going for all the synonyms I can think of. Word of advice, Don't get me started! LOL!

The class settled down immediately after that one disruption, and I went from one victory to another with them, receiving commitments from each one that they'd practice the Vigor Vivus way. And for that, I'm very thankful.

How About You? -- They say life doesn't come with instructions. That's not true. The instructions are written clearly in our hearts, even if not in words. There is the way of death and there is the way of life. Death is an end, an end that we can submit to all along the way. That's the way of Rigor Mortis, which hardens us, slows us down, and in the end literally stiffens us to the point that we are no good, we are dead. So many people have chosen that way, not just teenagers, even old timers like me.

But the way of life is also before us. And we can submit, rather, share in, the way of life all along the way as well. That is the way of Vigor Vivus, which keeps us supple, allows us to advance, to progress, and all along the way to raise our good cheer to levels that increase, eventually beyond anything we had imagined. We are alive, alive, alive -- fully alive. That is something we can choose, too. That is something you can choose today, to live ... the Vigor Vivus way!

Teen Talk: Rigor Mortis Vs. Vigor Vivus

It's Saturday night and I'm feverishly working on a little talk they asked me to give tomorrow. Of course I mean at church. I told Pastor Wadd about Vigor Vivus, which he hadn't heard of before. I wrote about it a few days ago, and I guess he doesn't read my blog.

He thought it sounded like kind of a weird word. I told him I've been spelling it as two words, but he thought it still sounded weird. Then I sketched it out as simply as I could, that it's the opposite of Rigor Mortis. Rigor Mortis and Vigor Vivus have been butting heads forever, even if there hasn't always been a term for it. He was curious to hear more, probably figuring he can give it a sexual spin, since that's his ministry specialty, addressing sexual addictions.

Anyway, I kept it all non-sexual, telling him that the way I've been conceiving it, it has to do with a person's attitudes, whether they're living a Rigor Mortis lifestyle, or, with attention to themselves and their possibilities, they're living the Vigor Vivus way. Of course I also gave it a religious spin especially for him, that God gave Adam and Eve the Vigor Vivus lifestyle to live, but they ate the forbidden fruit, God told them they would surely die, and that's very similar to the Rigor Mortis way.

He loved it, and I hate to be presumptuous, but wouldn't it be wild and fantastic if he did incorporate a RM vs. VV theme in his teaching and counseling, whether having to do with sexual addictions or not? Since he's a man of the cloth, it might go all the way up to the mega churches, then demand will be so high that I'll be doing satellite hookup meetings with churches all around the globe, coming out in my $1,000 suits, chatting up the audience, and changing lives with this simple, yet profound, message. Then I'll make money on all my books, "The Vigor Vivus Life," "More of the Vigor Vivus Life," "Viva Vigor Vivus," and so forth.

It turns out he loved it so much that he asked me to come talk to one of the teen Sunday School classes tomorrow. So that's why I'm working feverishly tonight, trying to work up a talk that interesting enough to keep them quiet, and relevant enough to their way of thinking that they'll listen ... and apply it to themselves.

I'm really kind of nervous about it. I'd much rather talk to the old folks' class, because I know they'd definitely be quiet, and of course they'd compliment me profusely, since that's the way it always goes with them. They're happy with anything if you offer it in a cheerful, friendly way, which is the only way I know. Or I could present it to the younger adults, whose brains are fully developed after 25, so they would sit still and be nice about it. And they're the ones who would really need it, since the demands of life are so much greater. Rigor Mortis might be their constant choice, like it is with anyone so stressed out that they feel they need an energy drink. You don't need an energy drink! You need Vigor Vivus! See, I'm excited about it!

But to do it for a roomful of teenagers...oy vey. You might not know this, but if there's just one cut-up in the class, most of the others will rebel. It's only the two or three who've done extracurricular activities who are semi-mature enough to be good. I remember being a teenager, and, more importantly, I've been privy to the ways of teenagers even in church. Why do you think this opportunity opened up for me so easily? Because the regular teacher has sent out the word that if there's anything else they might do, accept it without question, because he needs a break. He's probably drinking to calm himself. He needs the Vigor Vivus teaching, because he's obviously dwelling in a Rigor Mortis state of mind.

What, though, can I say to the little hellions? If they hear words like Rigor Mortis and Vigor Vivus, being idiots whose brains aren't even 10% developed yet, they're going to go blank, then they'll cover their tracks with cutting up. But those are the words I have to use. So, just thinking out loud here, I'll speak of Rigor Mortis as the ways of "a dead man walking." They'd like that image, the staggering of a zombie, which I might even do as an icebreaker. I can put my hands out like a zombie. Then Vigor Vivus, I can speak of it like a guy getting ready to ride a hot air balloon, or drive in the Indy 500, or pump iron. He's a man who lives on the edge, who went for all the gusto and has lived to tell about it.

As for popular references -- that's always important for teenagers, to let them know you're hip to their culture -- naturally I'll have my cellphone there for them to see and examine. And maybe when I'm looking for something, I can accidentally pull my iPod out of my pocket, "Oh, there's my iPod, I've been downloading an awful lot of cool MP3s. It's getting heavier all the time!" Among my other gadgets, I have a portable scanner, a camera, and at least 500 of the best CDs of the '50s, '60s, and '70s. I really do, but I kid. I also have some from the last few years, Natasha Bedenfield, Daniel Powter, Gwen Stefani, and Rihanna, although not her new one. And Lady Antebellum, I have that one.

But much more importantly, I have the timeless teachings of Vivor Vivus, using your willpower and stimulated awareness to live life to the fullest, thwarting and destroying the works of Rigor Mortis. Plus I'll throw in a few things about the Lord, the piece about Adam and Eve, and I think it'll go great.

Rigor Mortis Vs. Vigor Vivus

Man suffers the death.

Death comes on us, after stalking us from the time we're born. That's the death that results from the failure of systems, the hardening of arteries, the clogging of conduits, the wasting away of vital tissues, muscles, sinews, and nerves, not to mention the skeleton.

With death, if you've ever seen it in action, you've got the full complacency of inactivity, a complete cessation of movement and functions. You wouldn't know to look at it that anything was going on. The only thing that is going on, so far as I know, is what would result from gravity or just the natural consequences of liquids and tissues giving way. All of it has to go somewhere.

To the naked eye, though, you're as still as you've ever been. To the observer looking down, you think nothing could be that still. A fan blowing overhead might disturb some loose hair but that's about it. Any other movement is strictly imaginary, unless, again, there's something internal giving way, which I've never witnessed. I have heard of movements, freaky, of course, but very harmless. It's like a neglected house settling. Eventually it all caves in.

Rigor mortis doesn't just happen; it has to get there somehow.

But this isn't a scientific tract on death and the hardening up of what once was soft and supple. I'm thinking instead of the death we have in life, being bunched up, tightened up, wound up, and inactive, shrunk up from the life that's truly within and all around us. Rigor mortis is a good term for it, with the opposite being what I shall call vigor vivus. I suffer and enjoy a little of each, respectively, but I want the balance to tip more toward the vigor vivus side.

Vigor vivus. What would that be? A pun? Actual Latin, maybe pidgin Latin, simply made up, I don't know. I wouldn't worry about it. You can easily see what it implies. You've got rigor and you've got vigor. Mortis is death, literal or otherwise, rigorously present -- nothing is stricter! -- and just to come up with something sort of similar, we're throwing out vivus. Like vivacious, viva, Vivian Vance, viaduct, valor, Vlasic pickles, Vlad the Impaler, etc.

So I can be sitting in a rigor mortis posture, waiting for or mentally hastening on the hardening of my mental, spiritual, psychological, and even physical arteries and channels. Or I can be demonstrating that there's more to me than giving up and falling apart, with vigor vivus. Taking life by the nuts and not letting go. Sending up the flag of life and saluting it. Everyone's got the rights of first refusal if you have any life and sentience at all. So why refuse?

If you haven't got goals, get some! If you're not up and with it, you're dying. Get up, get going! Vivus is for the viving, so vive with all your might! That's the best revenge, to vive vell...

Today, I vill practice vigor vivus!