Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Did Anyone Predict The End Of The World Today?

It's one of those significant date days, 09-09-09. It seems like someone somewhere must have predicted the end of the world today. But I don't know if they did or who it could have been.

If they did, they're probably sweating it out, standing in their backyard with no belt, no metal, just a tie rope holding up their pants. I could have done it but I didn't think of it. And it's too late now. But there's always 10-10-10, next year.

Really, think about it, 10-10-10 next year could be the end of the world. It's three 10's. In bowling there's 10 pins and if you get them all that's a strike. Then in baseball, if you get three strikes you're out. So perhaps sports is pointing the way. The message to the world, "You're out!"

The problem with predicting the end of the world on a particular day is ... the next day always comes. Then there you are sitting there looking like the complete idiot you are.

And yet, what an existence you've lived in your time here! Always looking to the end! To you, the end can't get here soon enough, so that, What? You can be up in glory going, "Hey, this is the first time I've ever really enjoyed anything!"

Maybe enjoy your life here, because chances are, it's not really our destiny to be clamoring for the end. I think we're supposed to live life to the fullest while we're here, not be begging to leave. But what happens? You're miserable for one reason or another. Your dreams never worked out. You didn't get the girl of your dreams. You've got a mind that says purity is preferable but all around nothing quite meshes with your psychology. You're trying to escape your sins and your own shadow rather than understanding them. I know how it goes.

Learn from the past. Wishing and waiting for the end of the world doesn't make it happen.

The scientists say it's definitely going to happen someday, at some point between 5 and 25 billion years from now. So what year would that be? Will we still be figuring years the same? It seems like it. Why would we suddenly quit?

Let's say it's 10 billion years from right now, because I can add 10's really well. Also, let's skip 2009 and go with 2010 for this exercise. So ... 2000 + 10 + 10,000,000,000 will be ... the year 10,000,002,010. Did I get that right? I think so. That'll be wild, won't it? All those numbers in the year. But we'll have had several billion years of experience to get used to it, so it won't be any big deal.

Now, here it is, in the future, 09-09-[10,000,002,0]09. By then they're releasing the Beatles remasters on iTunes, so everyone's eventually happy. Except, and this is a big except, the world is going to end on 10-10-10, that very next year. Global warming has shrunk the world to the size of an asteroid. You wake up everyday with your blankets on fire because the sun's right in your face. Everyone knows by then the world's coming to an end.

You've got an asbestos suit and boots (asbestos being re-legalized because the excruciating heat is a lot worse than lung cancer). You're holding your pants up with an asbestos rope. You're out in your backyard. There's a solar flare, it consumes you. The end of the world has come!

You're finally happy!

No comments: