Sunday, October 4, 2009

Self-Esteem: Live In The Moment

Here's one ... a self-esteem teaching that came to me in one of those "scraping the bottom of the barrel" times ... the last few minutes ... that if somehow you can manage it, try to live more in the moment.

I'm not actually doing it right now myself, and I'm feeling very drained. All the regrets I have piled up from the past! All the fears piled up as well of the future! So here I sit, alone and bleary-eyed, beset on all sides, shivering against various uncertainties, stumbling along. But who could be a better self-esteem, pride, and confidence teacher than me, with that kind of experience?

Just because I'm not especially good at it doesn't mean I don't know it. I'll try. I'm going to try right now, as you sit reading this, as I write it in real time, no edits ... I'm going to try to suck it up right this second ... and show you what it's like to suck up some self-esteem as we go on. This is going to be like dissecting an earthworm; I don't want to do it. But what am I supposed to do? Sit here stewing in past and future juices, denying myself this present moment?

OK. That last sentence was a start. What did I do? I recognized what is going on. For me to stew in past juice is to deny myself the present moment. So what does that do? It's giving too much power (and credit) to past juice. Past juice is past, let it go. Whatever I did, did not do, feel like I should do, what I should not have done ... there's nothing I can do about it now.

The past makes for some interesting stories though. And I love the past tense. It's where you get to use language like "would've, should've could've," and that's a lot of fun. Example. But it's no fun if you're weighed down by it. At that point you realize you should've done something differently, and maybe you would've if you knew you could've!

Well, you can! Recognize the past and the future ... both as done. The past is obviously done. But you can recognize the future as done too. How? Because it hasn't happened yet, and by that I mean it already hasn't happened yet. The future is already done, because the accomplishment of it not happening has already happened, and in fact is always being accomplished. The past is dead. But the future is also dead ... on arrival. DOA.

I think about both, the past and the future, all the time. And look how I started this post (nothing's been edited). I was as low as a turkey looking up at a hatchet. 1) I shouldn't have been born a turkey. When the sperm cell came by I should've waited for a better offer. 2) What's the future to a turkey? They're not living for anything anyway. But now that I've gone on, thinking about how I could be living in the moment -- this moment -- my self-esteem is being boosted.

(I'm reluctant to say I should be living in this moment. The word "should" has gotten a bad rap by my self-esteem compeers. But that's what I actually mean. Why should I stew in the future juices of what my fellow self-esteem wizards should say about the word "should"? I shouldn't. So let me say it as simply as I can, friend, you should be living in this moment! I say that the same way I'd say, "Grandma, you should come out and see this beautiful sunset!" Because if you don't, I won't be able to describe it later.)

I am no longer as low as a turkey looking up at a hatchet. I have regained something in the time it took me to write this. And that's what I want for you.

If you have regrets -- big, vast, mountainous piles of them ... I know that's a burden ... until you simply turn your back on them. Goodbye, bless you, the past is over. And if you're afraid of what the future holds -- it seems to loom out there as something very prickly, big barbed wire things sticking out everywhere, dangerous to the touch ... I know that's also burdensome ... until you simply turn your back to it too ... The future's already happened, in the sense that it's always not happened already. Whatever positive effects you'll see will come by living in this moment and holding your head high, not by being crushed down now, worrying about then.

I'm going to copy the link to this blog post. Because I know I'm going to need it, to remind myself of what I forget so often!

For the best self-esteem, pride, and confidence ... live in this moment, right now.

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