Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Sternness Meets Creampuffness

There's a battle of titans today in my spirit.

Facing off is the sense of Sternness, with all his rock solid abs and determined look. If you strip down Sternness, he'll stand there without shame. It's all the same to him how he's dressed (but he of course doesn't like tights.)

Facing off, secondly, is Creampuffness, he of no definite shape but still recognizable. We weighs in at two ounces, most of that paunch. We wears something skimpy, with shame, and hangs over in all the wrong places. He also hates tights, which would crush his thighs.

But we're not calling the match before it begins, as the rules call for strict impartiality and respect between each of the combatants.

Sternness seems to forget the rules momentarily, strutting around the ring, flexing his arms and rubbing his thighs as a display. There's not a trace of doubt in his mind that he shall prevail, and, as a seasoned observer, I think he's probably right. Creampuffness holds back, his back pressed against the ropes, trying not to look intimidated. He's mild mannered anyway, whether through natural weakness or perhaps some kind of attitude he gets from meditation.

The referee tells them he doesn't want any dirty fighting, which is understandable.

And there they go!

Sternness moves in for some intimidating pokes, feeling out Creampuffness early. Cream is pushed back and winded early, but moves quickly out of the way when Stern makes a decisive jab. Cream's as light as a feather, but I don't see much offensive possibilities for him. Stern has that look in his eye -- his whole body -- that says he's got the upper hand.

This isn't going to be much of a fight. Cream has nowhere to run but is making a good effort to find somewhere. He's pulling in wherever he can, sucking in his gut, trying not to present such an easy target. But Stern's aim is deadly, his jabs well placed.

And there they go, crisscrossing the ring. Stern flung Cream toward the ropes and now they're each one going back and forth, and where they meet -- it's going to be -- Oh! Stern gave Cream the deadliest clothesline I've ever seen! Cream is staggered, stunned. His legs are wobbling....

Stern moves in for the kill, picking up Cream and crashing him to the canvas. Cream is stunned and finished, oozing life cream everywhere. And the ref moves in quickly to count it off -- 1, 2, 3 -- It's over, ding, ding, ding!

Sternness has defeated Creampuffness soundly! He's given him the thrashing of his life! It is nothing but annihilation!

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