Monday, October 5, 2009

Instant On, No Off

I've got a half loaf of some kind of garlic baguette bread I'm picking at. I didn't heat it. I'm just picking off pieces cold.

I pulled one piece and it was ephemeral, like a piece of angel's flesh. And of course we have that "This is my body" teaching. It makes you think.

Everything makes us think. Even when we don't especially feel like it. But it says to me that thinking is good, whether you want to or not being beside the point.

The slightest little thing we think about, and process it as to what it is and says. I open the door to take the dog out and there's a teenage girl walking by to the bus. I regret that she had to think "What's that door opening for?" And I regret that I had to think "She needs a coat on." Then I regret to think "Maybe it's not cool to show up at school with a coat." Like it wasn't cool when I was a kid to show up at school with galoshes. So I showed up with ruined hush puppies instead. By now the girl's way up the street, hurrying along. And I'm watching a dog crap, thinking "It must be tough to be a teenage girl."

The bread, I'm still picking at. I'm eating it faster now, since I'm deep in thought about this. But I'm definitely thinking about it, whether I know it or not. Somehow my fingers know enough not to stuff the entire half loaf in my mouth. I didn't consciously make that decision. And I'm not stripping it end to end, but am methodically going around the end, then toward the other end. So I have a like the front of a rounded plane nose at the far end, but we're getting closer.

A lot of this is just force of habit. I guess I thought it through back in primeval days and now it's all just auto pilot.

I haven't forgotten my "Drive for Pride" campaign, in case you thought you were going to escape my long, dry lecture of the day. You're not. Self-esteem doesn't take a day off. (Is that true?) Pride is a happening thing. Confidence -- don't leave home without it.

Ever-thinking is your friend when it comes to confidence, pride, and self-esteem. We're always looking for signs. There's some definite ways. Spirituality is one way. Like I said about the bread, "This is my body." Nothing about bread is a body. But something in my thinking is saying it's there anyway, something larger than my tiny thought citadel. So when I eat it (I don't doubt this is true), my tiny thought citadel has feelers out for something larger, even though I'm just sitting here more or less oblivious to it.

When ever-thinking isn't your friend is when you don't make it your friend. Thinking is best done with a little organization. Like thinking along as normal, then stopping to consider it and organize it into some manageable packets. Like this. As to the teenage girl, the thoughts I wrote about weren't the only ones I had. But these are the manageable ones, that give the event some significance in relation to behavior, customs, expectations, and insights.

If you read something spiritual ... or if you listen to chanting ... or if you check out shapes, purposeful symbols, etc., it all adds to what you're thinking. Then stop and absorb it, and manage it consciously. Otherwise it's just nebulous and going every which way. And everything up there wants to be at least slightly organized.

Self-esteem likes some slight organization at least.

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